Perfectionist Diabetic

Perfectionist Diabetic is an oxymoron.

There is no way a diabetic can be perfect.

There are so many ups and downs.

Literally.

Blood sugar numbers can be anywhere at any given time.

There are so many variables.

Food. Obviously.

Stress.

Movement/exercise/physical exertion

Sickness (hence why Jeff and I are weirdos about sickness and catching it, ha ha)

No dang reason.

There are so many things that can make a diabetic's blood sugar go up or down.

It's unpredictable.

I have to think like a pancreas all day and I have no idea how a pancreas thinks!

Seriously, how can I train my brain to be a pancreas?

I can't figure that one out.

Anywho....

I am really hard on myself about my blood sugar.

I'm way too much of a perfectionist.

This benefited me while I was pregnant with Hunter, because...well....ya kinda have to be really careful when you're pregnant with diabetes.

The last almost 9 months since being pregnant have been rough.

And the stupid thing about that is........

I'm actually doing REALLY great compared to a lot of Type 1's.

This isn't going to make sense to anyone who isn't a diabetic or is close to a diabetic....

But my blood is SO SO SOOOO rarely above 200.

And it never goes below 70.

And I literally can't think of a time since being diagnosed that it's been above 300.

You guys.

I am SO hard on myself.

Managing diabetes is like having another kid (or two). But THIS kid doesn't sleep through the night.

Or nap.

Okay, they really never sleep in any way shape or form.

This kid is always hungry.

This kid is attached to my leg and whines MOMMY all day!

Ha ha ha ha.

So really I have 3 kids and only 2 of them I like.

If I could get rid of the 3rd I would not even feel bad.

But I can't. I'm in it till the end!

So is there anything good from being a perfectionist diabetic?

Eh.

Maybe.

It means I'm healthy.

It means I'm a fighter!

It means I'm never going to give up!

I have so many positive things in my life, I try to let myself not get hung up on the perfectionism.

I'm coming up on 2 years since my diagnosis and I've been thinking about the whirlwind of a diagnosis that it was a TON lately.

I think about being in the hospital.

All the doctors, nurses.

About the huge learning curve I'm still experiencing.

Those 3 days in the hospital are a blur to me.

I can remember a lot, but what sticks out to my memory the most is Jeff.

I can remember him asking the doctors questions after questions.

I can remember him asking him what I wanted him to say to the nurses and how he did all the talking, because he knew I just couldn't.

I can remember him holding my hand and telling me it would be okay. And really it HAS been okay because of him. Because I've been able to lean on him every day since that time two years ago.

HIS life changed forever in those three days.

I think in many ways I'm a perfectionist diabetic for my family.

So they don't have to worry.