I feel like lately I've been craving the small, quiet moments of life.
I look at how big Grace is getting and it just makes me want to stare at her all day and not miss a facial expression.
I think about how I mentally complain about our small apartment more than I should, but really, our lives are never going to be this simple ever again. Once we are out of this place it's like we are going to have to grow up.
We'll be here another year and then I don't really know what is going to happen. For all I know we could be off to Missouri or Oregon or Lehi, Utah, ha ha. We could end up buying a house right in this same town of South Ogden, I don't really know.
Jeff starts school again in January. It's been really nice that he's been able to take a break. He finished his bachelor's in April, we had Grace in June, and the subsequent weeks turning into months have been full of learning how to be parents.
I'll never regret finishing my education before having Grace. And I'm really grateful that Jeff was able to get at least his bachelor's before she came into our family.
I watch so many of my friends go through the early stages of parenthood still in school and it seems crazy to me. How do they do it?
I feel like I'd never get any of those small moments if my life was that busy.
Once Jeff starts school we won't be seeing him very much. There are a couple of days in the week where he'll be gone from 7:00 AM to 9:00 PM. Those days he probably won't get to see Grace cause she sleeps from 8:00 to 8:00. I just have to keep telling myself it'll be worth it in the end. Cause it will be!
My husband is such a hard worker, but that's no surprise to this blog cause I say that all the time.
Growing up my dad was the hardest worker and because of that amazing influence I always knew I wanted my husband to have the same work ethic. My dad has been able to do some awesome things from the benefits of working so hard. He never had to worry about providing for us, because of how hard he worked. I know Jeff has a lot of the same goals when it comes to that too.
I guess I shouldn't say "never worried", because I'm pretty sure the task of providing for a family is always worrisome. I think if you make the right goals and choices, though, it all works out and some of that worry leaves.
This Christmas I'm hoping our little house will be full of those small, quiet moments I was talking about. I think it's important to feel that especially this time of year.
Grace is about 5 1/2 months old now. She'll be six months on Christmas.
She's sitting up all by herself, which is kind of early for her age. Almost ever since her birth she's wanted to sit up though. I can remember even the first couple days of having her home from the hospital, she just wanted to be up. She's always been the most curious little baby, which in a lot of ways is hard to imagine because when you think of a baby younger than 5 months old you don't think that they really care that much about the world.
Grace does though.
Whenever we go anywhere she wants to see exactly what is going on and what new people there are to meet.
Last week she started something else new too. She can scoot backwards if she's laying on her tummy. She pushes with her arms and scoots back. It's usually when she wants to be grabbing something in front of her that's a little out of her reach too. When this happens she gets really frustrated cause she scoots further and further away from the thing that she wants. A lot of times she'll get stuck under furniture when she does this too, ha ha. Poor baby. Scooting forward is hard.
I think it helps a lot that her cousin who is 8 months old now is here three times a week. Grace IDOLIZES that kid. She stares at him constantly if he's in her view. Sometimes it seems like she's trying to copy his movements too. He has been army crawling for the past couple of weeks and I think Grace hates it cause he can do stuff that she can't. She can move too, but not with that kind of purpose, ha ha.
Babies.....they are my life.
I love it though. I'll gladly watch babies develop and grow everyday. I just hope I never take the chance that I get to do that for granted. I hope I can always appreciate the small moments, cause with babies they are all small.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Monday, November 3, 2014
It's November! Time to be Grateful :)
Baby's nappin' and I have about three loads of dishes and two loads of laundry to catch up on.
So what do I do?
Blog!
Ha ha.
I don't ever get anything done over the weekend cause Jeff's home and all we want to do is spend time with him. Since that's the case, the house kind of goes to crap over the weekend and I have to catch up the first couple days of the week.
But that can wait till this afternoon, ha.
Now that it's November I'm starting to see the famous "what I'm grateful for" posts everyday on Facebook. I figured I would post a list here. Facebook is getting a little overrated in my mind. I still look at it and stalk my friends more than I should, but as for myself posting things on there, it's kind of hit and miss lately.
Blogging and Instagram are more of my speed now-a-days.
My (Partial) (cause when is gratitude ever complete?) November Gratitude List:
-My ridiculously supportive, loving, superstar husband
-Miss Gracie Grace
-The Gospel of Jesus Christ
-Having a nice home that works for our little family
-The scriptures
-A college education
-Security
-Being able to be a stay-at-home mom
-My physical health (and my family's too!)
-The temple!
-Having enough money for our needs
-Decorations
-Watching Grace do new things everyday
-HGTV, ha ha
-Utah weather
-Feeling at peace
-Friends who stay friends no matter how far away we live or how long we've gone between talking
-Primary songs
-Laughter
-My family
-Jeff's family
-Our parents' wonderful, never-ending support
-Holidays
-Traditions
-All of the material things we own that give us luxury
-Prayer
-Naptime/Bedtime
-Chocolate
-Smiling babies
Also, it was Halloween this last weekend and we had fun doing our usual Halloween stuff. Every year my brother-in-law's parents do a soup night at their house on Halloween and we LOVE it!! Usually around August (or sometimes earlier) I'll say to Jeff: "I hope we get invited to Ann and Steve's for Halloween this year again!"
Ha. Like I said....we love it!
All of Jeff's family goes and we eat and then walk around with the nieces and nephews who are old enough to trick or treat. It's really sad how trick or treating is a dying thing. This year we walked around and the kids got plenty of candy, but the neighborhood was way darker than it ever would have been when we were little.
It's sad that people don't get into it as much as they used to, and it's also sad that people don't trust other people like they once did either. I loved trick or treating when I was little! That's what Halloween was all about!
Grace and I dressed up as Little Bo Peep and her little sheep this year. I wanted to do a theme with all three of us, but Jeff doesn't like dressing up. More than that, I think he just doesn't like being made fun of by his family......which they made fun of him anyways for NOT dressing up with us, so I guess it's a lose lose, ha ha.
After he saw us all cute and dressed up he told me about 5 or 6 times....."I just should have dressed up with you guys, I'm sorry. I just should have done it..."
Yep.
Ha ha.
Here are some pictures of our costumes!
So what do I do?
Blog!
Ha ha.
I don't ever get anything done over the weekend cause Jeff's home and all we want to do is spend time with him. Since that's the case, the house kind of goes to crap over the weekend and I have to catch up the first couple days of the week.
But that can wait till this afternoon, ha.
Now that it's November I'm starting to see the famous "what I'm grateful for" posts everyday on Facebook. I figured I would post a list here. Facebook is getting a little overrated in my mind. I still look at it and stalk my friends more than I should, but as for myself posting things on there, it's kind of hit and miss lately.
Blogging and Instagram are more of my speed now-a-days.
My (Partial) (cause when is gratitude ever complete?) November Gratitude List:
-My ridiculously supportive, loving, superstar husband
-Miss Gracie Grace
-The Gospel of Jesus Christ
-Having a nice home that works for our little family
-The scriptures
-A college education
-Security
-Being able to be a stay-at-home mom
-My physical health (and my family's too!)
-The temple!
-Having enough money for our needs
-Decorations
-Watching Grace do new things everyday
-HGTV, ha ha
-Utah weather
-Feeling at peace
-Friends who stay friends no matter how far away we live or how long we've gone between talking
-Primary songs
-Laughter
-My family
-Jeff's family
-Our parents' wonderful, never-ending support
-Holidays
-Traditions
-All of the material things we own that give us luxury
-Prayer
-Naptime/Bedtime
-Chocolate
-Smiling babies
Also, it was Halloween this last weekend and we had fun doing our usual Halloween stuff. Every year my brother-in-law's parents do a soup night at their house on Halloween and we LOVE it!! Usually around August (or sometimes earlier) I'll say to Jeff: "I hope we get invited to Ann and Steve's for Halloween this year again!"
Ha. Like I said....we love it!
All of Jeff's family goes and we eat and then walk around with the nieces and nephews who are old enough to trick or treat. It's really sad how trick or treating is a dying thing. This year we walked around and the kids got plenty of candy, but the neighborhood was way darker than it ever would have been when we were little.
It's sad that people don't get into it as much as they used to, and it's also sad that people don't trust other people like they once did either. I loved trick or treating when I was little! That's what Halloween was all about!
Grace and I dressed up as Little Bo Peep and her little sheep this year. I wanted to do a theme with all three of us, but Jeff doesn't like dressing up. More than that, I think he just doesn't like being made fun of by his family......which they made fun of him anyways for NOT dressing up with us, so I guess it's a lose lose, ha ha.
After he saw us all cute and dressed up he told me about 5 or 6 times....."I just should have dressed up with you guys, I'm sorry. I just should have done it..."
Yep.
Ha ha.
Here are some pictures of our costumes!
I was trying to do whatever sheep herders do and put the thing on her neck. In true sheep fashion, she ended up trying to eat it.
Smiley little livestock!
Love my baby!
Farther away shot
Sheep in a tree! She's the cutest. :)
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Hiccup Blessings
I always thought I was a pretty grateful person, but then I had Grace and I found myself seeing ways to find gratitude in almost everything.
Every little hiccup is usually coupled with a blessing.
Grace sleeps for at least ten hours every night. Some nights it's eleven or twelve, but it's always at least ten.
That's a HUGE blessing!
I've looked through so many things on the internet about baby sleep and everything has lead me to think that she needs to be taking 2-3 hour naps during the day too. This was stressing me out, not because I necessarily wanted that time alone during the day, but because I thought in order for her to develop correctly and be healthy that's what needed to happen.
But....
She doesn't like to sleep in her crib during the day. We tried getting curtains to block out the light. We tried putting her in her warm jammies. Basically we tried simulating how it is at night to get her to sleep, but she still would only sleep for ten minutes or less.
She sleeps longer during the day in her swing, but I hate having her sleep in that. I get so nervous and feel like I have to watch her the entire time.
On Monday she had her 4 month check up and her pediatrician said: "If she's sleeping that well that night then she probably will only take really short naps throughout the day or MAYBE a two hour nap if you're lucky."
That made me feel SO much better knowing that it's okay if she only sleeps for a half hour a couple times a day. Pediatricians are the best, they always give the best, most reassuring advice. At least Grace's does.
I realize that I'm ridiculously blessed that she's four months and sleeps so well. She's been sleeping like this since she was three months old, actually.
After talking to lots of veteran-ed moms I realize that most people aren't this lucky.
My visiting teacher came yesterday and was telling me all seven (SEVEN) of her kids didn't sleep through the night till they were at least 18 months old, usually 2 years old. She said they'd wake up every two hours or so and need to get rocked back to sleep.
She also said that she thinks it was kind of her fault though because she WOULD just immediately go rock them if they made a sound.
We were really fortunate with Grace cause she kind of just learned on her own that sleeping for longer hours at night is fun.
We never had to do the whole sleep training thing. I do realize though that as babies get older their habits change and lots of times parents have to start all over again with their 15 month old who was sleeping so well etc. I don't doubt things will change, but as of right now we are sleeping easy. Literally.
This past weekend before I talked to my pediatrician I was pretty frustrated that she wasn't sleeping very long during the day so I told Jeff we should try just letting her cry it out.
She ended up crying for about forty minutes and by the end of it I think I was crying just as hard as she was. It was no bueno.
She never did fall asleep that way. We eventually gave in and then I felt almost worse cause we just let her cry for that long for no reason.
Having a baby is hard stuff. I feel like there should be a couple years of training and instruction beforehand so it not as much as a whirlwind as it is.
But like I said, the hard things are usually paired with blessings.
Nearly every single day Jeff will be home from work in the evening and he'll just look at me and say: "We have such a good baby."
And he's right. We really do. She likes attention and doesn't like to be put down sometimes, but wouldn't you be the same way if you were as little and helpless as her? If you couldn't move around on your own and do things for yourself wouldn't you ask for help too?
The other day I was feeding her all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling that Jeff and I were exactly where we needed to be and doing exactly what we needed to be doing in life at this time.
There is no other way to describe that other than knowing that it was a feeling from God.
I saw this quote the other day and I think it's very true.
"Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life." -Elder Richard G. Scott
I know that is the case with all of us.
I try to fill up my spiritual tank with lots of fuel, but really I do struggle just like everyone else with prayer and scripture reading and loving one another etc. etc. I think the important thing about that struggle though is we never give up on it. Even if it is a "struggle", just let it be that way, because at least that means it's still there and you're not turning away from it.
Heavenly Father won't ever turn away from us and to me that's comforting through whatever hiccups I'm experiencing.
Every little hiccup is usually coupled with a blessing.
Grace sleeps for at least ten hours every night. Some nights it's eleven or twelve, but it's always at least ten.
That's a HUGE blessing!
I've looked through so many things on the internet about baby sleep and everything has lead me to think that she needs to be taking 2-3 hour naps during the day too. This was stressing me out, not because I necessarily wanted that time alone during the day, but because I thought in order for her to develop correctly and be healthy that's what needed to happen.
But....
She doesn't like to sleep in her crib during the day. We tried getting curtains to block out the light. We tried putting her in her warm jammies. Basically we tried simulating how it is at night to get her to sleep, but she still would only sleep for ten minutes or less.
She sleeps longer during the day in her swing, but I hate having her sleep in that. I get so nervous and feel like I have to watch her the entire time.
On Monday she had her 4 month check up and her pediatrician said: "If she's sleeping that well that night then she probably will only take really short naps throughout the day or MAYBE a two hour nap if you're lucky."
That made me feel SO much better knowing that it's okay if she only sleeps for a half hour a couple times a day. Pediatricians are the best, they always give the best, most reassuring advice. At least Grace's does.
I realize that I'm ridiculously blessed that she's four months and sleeps so well. She's been sleeping like this since she was three months old, actually.
After talking to lots of veteran-ed moms I realize that most people aren't this lucky.
My visiting teacher came yesterday and was telling me all seven (SEVEN) of her kids didn't sleep through the night till they were at least 18 months old, usually 2 years old. She said they'd wake up every two hours or so and need to get rocked back to sleep.
She also said that she thinks it was kind of her fault though because she WOULD just immediately go rock them if they made a sound.
We were really fortunate with Grace cause she kind of just learned on her own that sleeping for longer hours at night is fun.
We never had to do the whole sleep training thing. I do realize though that as babies get older their habits change and lots of times parents have to start all over again with their 15 month old who was sleeping so well etc. I don't doubt things will change, but as of right now we are sleeping easy. Literally.
This past weekend before I talked to my pediatrician I was pretty frustrated that she wasn't sleeping very long during the day so I told Jeff we should try just letting her cry it out.
She ended up crying for about forty minutes and by the end of it I think I was crying just as hard as she was. It was no bueno.
She never did fall asleep that way. We eventually gave in and then I felt almost worse cause we just let her cry for that long for no reason.
Having a baby is hard stuff. I feel like there should be a couple years of training and instruction beforehand so it not as much as a whirlwind as it is.
But like I said, the hard things are usually paired with blessings.
Nearly every single day Jeff will be home from work in the evening and he'll just look at me and say: "We have such a good baby."
And he's right. We really do. She likes attention and doesn't like to be put down sometimes, but wouldn't you be the same way if you were as little and helpless as her? If you couldn't move around on your own and do things for yourself wouldn't you ask for help too?
The other day I was feeding her all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling that Jeff and I were exactly where we needed to be and doing exactly what we needed to be doing in life at this time.
There is no other way to describe that other than knowing that it was a feeling from God.
I saw this quote the other day and I think it's very true.
"Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life." -Elder Richard G. Scott
I know that is the case with all of us.
I try to fill up my spiritual tank with lots of fuel, but really I do struggle just like everyone else with prayer and scripture reading and loving one another etc. etc. I think the important thing about that struggle though is we never give up on it. Even if it is a "struggle", just let it be that way, because at least that means it's still there and you're not turning away from it.
Heavenly Father won't ever turn away from us and to me that's comforting through whatever hiccups I'm experiencing.
Too Blessed to be Stressed
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
"Oh so you must know..."
Now-a-days it seems like a lot of things go undone around here. Or I'll start something and then go back and work on it a little bit more a couple hours later.....and then four days later it might get done.
I bought a pumpkin over a week ago and it's still in the process of getting painted. Ha. It'll make it to the porch one of these days.
One of those things that is slowly getting worked on is my harp. It's currently missing four strings. It's also currently WAY way WAAAAY out of tune.
I haven't played for almost a year.
It breaks my heart.
And when I say "haven't played", I mean I haven't seriously sat down and practiced a piece for a performance. I'll every now and then play something really quick, but actually practicing....yeah, it's been a long time.
While thinking about my harp and what I want to do with it in the near future, I've been thinking about back when I would play more and especially when I'd go perform places what things people would say to me.
Usually people wouldn't know what to say to me, they'd just stare at the grander that is the harp.
After they'd stop oogling over it though, I'd usually get the question...."So do you know *insert any name here*?"
And I'd say....."....no."
And their confused response would be: "Oh, they play the harp, I just figured you'd know them."
Most of the time I'd ask if they lived near by or something, figuring why else would I know them, but the answer to that was almost always, "No, they live south of Salt Lake." or something totally absurd like, "No, they live in Wisconsin."
It always made me laugh, cause I was expected to know all harpists. That's like asking a red head if they know another random red head from a completely different part of your life.
There are more harpists in the world than you'd think.
Another funny, similar circumstance I've found myself in has been when people would find out that I worked with autistic children. SO many times I'd get the question....
"Oh, so you must know *insert the name of an autistic person*?"
No. No, I don't know that random person, nope. Ha ha.
Research says that in the United States 1 out of every 68 kids has autism. And in Utah that number is 1 in every 54.
Autism's kind of a big deal.
So yeah, I didn't know all the autistic people around while I worked with them. And I still don't.
Now-a-days I mostly just know about the babies I watch all the time!
A week or so ago Jeff was taking my out on a date and while we were driving I was laughing, honestly for no real reason.
Jeff started to wonder why I was being so weird and I sat there trying to figure it out.
I eventually told him I think I just didn't know how to converse with adults anymore. Ha ha ha ha.
I've been realizing how important it is to maintain friendships and talk with people, now that I am home all the time and generally only talking to babies.
Before I had Grace I was excited to be home all the time, not necessarily cause I wanted to be lazy (stay-at-home mom's are quite the opposite of lazy), but more because I knew I wouldn't have to deal with talking to people all day every day.
Does that make me sound like an anti-social person?
Yeah.
Yeah, it does.
Do I think I'm anti-social?
Nah.
No, I don't.
I've always been a shy person and, believe me, people have let me known how shy they think I am (thanks, people) (not really).
As I've thought about how I really am, though, I'd prefer to think of myself as introverted, rather than anti-social.
I love being social! But just when I want to be. I'm not an energizer bunny personality that always wants to talk to people. I like watching people talk more than anything else.
But even for me, I've found that it's really important that I DO get out and talk to people. It's important that I talk to my husband even if we are both miserably tired. It's important that I keep friends that'll talk to me when my introverted self wants to talk and won't hate me when my non-existent extroverted-ness never shines though.
And I think more than most things it's important to have people to relate to. It's important to have moms to talk to so I know I'm not the only one going through all of the things moms go through.
I'm going to leave a video here that I love! I think it's definitely worth watching.
Watch Me!
I bought a pumpkin over a week ago and it's still in the process of getting painted. Ha. It'll make it to the porch one of these days.
One of those things that is slowly getting worked on is my harp. It's currently missing four strings. It's also currently WAY way WAAAAY out of tune.
I haven't played for almost a year.
It breaks my heart.
And when I say "haven't played", I mean I haven't seriously sat down and practiced a piece for a performance. I'll every now and then play something really quick, but actually practicing....yeah, it's been a long time.
While thinking about my harp and what I want to do with it in the near future, I've been thinking about back when I would play more and especially when I'd go perform places what things people would say to me.
Usually people wouldn't know what to say to me, they'd just stare at the grander that is the harp.
After they'd stop oogling over it though, I'd usually get the question...."So do you know *insert any name here*?"
And I'd say....."....no."
And their confused response would be: "Oh, they play the harp, I just figured you'd know them."
Most of the time I'd ask if they lived near by or something, figuring why else would I know them, but the answer to that was almost always, "No, they live south of Salt Lake." or something totally absurd like, "No, they live in Wisconsin."
It always made me laugh, cause I was expected to know all harpists. That's like asking a red head if they know another random red head from a completely different part of your life.
There are more harpists in the world than you'd think.
Another funny, similar circumstance I've found myself in has been when people would find out that I worked with autistic children. SO many times I'd get the question....
"Oh, so you must know *insert the name of an autistic person*?"
No. No, I don't know that random person, nope. Ha ha.
Research says that in the United States 1 out of every 68 kids has autism. And in Utah that number is 1 in every 54.
Autism's kind of a big deal.
So yeah, I didn't know all the autistic people around while I worked with them. And I still don't.
Now-a-days I mostly just know about the babies I watch all the time!
A week or so ago Jeff was taking my out on a date and while we were driving I was laughing, honestly for no real reason.
Jeff started to wonder why I was being so weird and I sat there trying to figure it out.
I eventually told him I think I just didn't know how to converse with adults anymore. Ha ha ha ha.
I've been realizing how important it is to maintain friendships and talk with people, now that I am home all the time and generally only talking to babies.
This is my life pretty much all the time :)
Does that make me sound like an anti-social person?
Yeah.
Yeah, it does.
Do I think I'm anti-social?
Nah.
No, I don't.
I've always been a shy person and, believe me, people have let me known how shy they think I am (thanks, people) (not really).
As I've thought about how I really am, though, I'd prefer to think of myself as introverted, rather than anti-social.
I love being social! But just when I want to be. I'm not an energizer bunny personality that always wants to talk to people. I like watching people talk more than anything else.
But even for me, I've found that it's really important that I DO get out and talk to people. It's important that I talk to my husband even if we are both miserably tired. It's important that I keep friends that'll talk to me when my introverted self wants to talk and won't hate me when my non-existent extroverted-ness never shines though.
And I think more than most things it's important to have people to relate to. It's important to have moms to talk to so I know I'm not the only one going through all of the things moms go through.
I'm going to leave a video here that I love! I think it's definitely worth watching.
Watch Me!
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Never-ending Battle
Ever since I can remember........or at least since junior high..............maybe that is ever since I can remember...........who knows..........
.......I've had this never-ending battle with my hair.
It's. So. Thick.
But it's not the cool kind of thick where it's super curly and you can make an Afro out of it (can you imagine me with an Afro?).
And it's not the luscious kind of thick where it just looks beautiful and smooth and full and radiant.
It's in a category all it's own where it's not really curly OR straight....it's wavy underneath and in the back....it's straight on the top and in a couple of random splotches in the front.
So why am I complaining? Just curl the couple of random splotches and enjoy my thick hair? Right??
Right??
No.
Not right.
It doesn't work like that.
So ever since I can remember (or junior high) I've ended up cutting it because it gets unbearable. I've cut it several different lengths over the years and have never fallen in love with any one way. I've conceded to the fact that my hair is never going to have a perfect way.
I just have to get better at doing it.
Speaking of getting better at doing things...
I recently taught myself how to french braid my own hair.
My mom french braided my hair growing up all the time, but I've never had anyone actually show me how to do it. I just kind of guessed from watching my mom do it a million times and ta-da!
Anyways...I'm slowly (and painfully) getting better at it every time I try.
I think french braiding your own hair, particularly thick hair, should be an Olympic sport.
My arms and neck and head and brain hurts far too much after I'm finally done. And regretfully the end of the braid usually looks like it barely survived World War I cause by the end I'm so tired I just give up and finish fast.
Oy.
I may exaggerate a lot......but still....
Thick hair is a pain.
When I DO give myself enough time to do it, it turns out well.
But with a baby, who actually has time to do things for yourself. Especially well. Ha.
I've been growing my hair out for about a year and a half now and it's getting longer than I ever let it get. (Which admittedly isn't very long at all :( )
I've half convinced myself that if I let it get long ENOUGH then it'll be easier to do. I guess my unrealistic hope is that if it gets really long it'll catch all that random waviness I was talking about and just run with it. And be as beautiful as I want.
A girl can dream, right?
That's probably all it is.....a dream, but I'm sticking to it longer than I usually do, so I have that going for me, right?
Right.
And I'm just hoping that I'll keep getting better at braiding it, cause really, I love braids so much more than ponytails. I never really wanted to be that mom that always had the ponytail. I guess that's just how it goes though, unless you cut your hair ridiculously short.
Speaking of things I never wanted to be as a mom or things I never thought I would do....I was going to make a list of those things on here.
It's been making me laugh the things I thought I'd never do as a parent, but I'm only three months in and I'm doing them.
With the degree that I have I worked with little kids A LOT. In fact....that's all I did. I saw parents from all different walks of life. Every single style of parenting, socioeconomic status, family set up, you name it - I saw it. And because of my university experience and knowledge I thought I knew everything that they were doing wrong.
Ha.
Ha ha....
This list is bound to keep growing as Grace gets older, but here it goes so far...
Things I said I'd never do as a parent:
-When I'm a mom I'll never take my baby out in public in pajamas. (Yeah, that happened last week)
-When I'm a mom I'll never be the one with the crying baby in the movie theater/church/grocery store.
-When I'm a mom I'll never let my baby cry while I'm doing other things. (Dishes, cleaning the house, talking to my husband, etc.)
-When I'm a mom I'll never go out in public in yoga pants....or no makeup/ponytail....or in a shirt that has spit up all over it that I somehow forgot about....or.... (do you want me to keep going?)
-When I'm a mom I won't bargain hunt for baby clothes/products...my baby deserves the top of the line! (Which she does, but do you know what kind of good stuff you can get when being frugal?)
Apparently my brain is fried cause I know there are more, but I can't think of what they are right now. So there's some for the time being! :)
I've been thinking of making my blog private since I've been posting pictures of Grace on here, so if you'd like an invite let me know!
.......I've had this never-ending battle with my hair.
It's. So. Thick.
But it's not the cool kind of thick where it's super curly and you can make an Afro out of it (can you imagine me with an Afro?).
And it's not the luscious kind of thick where it just looks beautiful and smooth and full and radiant.
It's in a category all it's own where it's not really curly OR straight....it's wavy underneath and in the back....it's straight on the top and in a couple of random splotches in the front.
So why am I complaining? Just curl the couple of random splotches and enjoy my thick hair? Right??
Right??
No.
Not right.
It doesn't work like that.
So ever since I can remember (or junior high) I've ended up cutting it because it gets unbearable. I've cut it several different lengths over the years and have never fallen in love with any one way. I've conceded to the fact that my hair is never going to have a perfect way.
I just have to get better at doing it.
Speaking of getting better at doing things...
I recently taught myself how to french braid my own hair.
My mom french braided my hair growing up all the time, but I've never had anyone actually show me how to do it. I just kind of guessed from watching my mom do it a million times and ta-da!
Anyways...I'm slowly (and painfully) getting better at it every time I try.
I think french braiding your own hair, particularly thick hair, should be an Olympic sport.
My arms and neck and head and brain hurts far too much after I'm finally done. And regretfully the end of the braid usually looks like it barely survived World War I cause by the end I'm so tired I just give up and finish fast.
Oy.
I may exaggerate a lot......but still....
Thick hair is a pain.
When I DO give myself enough time to do it, it turns out well.
But with a baby, who actually has time to do things for yourself. Especially well. Ha.
I've been growing my hair out for about a year and a half now and it's getting longer than I ever let it get. (Which admittedly isn't very long at all :( )
I've half convinced myself that if I let it get long ENOUGH then it'll be easier to do. I guess my unrealistic hope is that if it gets really long it'll catch all that random waviness I was talking about and just run with it. And be as beautiful as I want.
A girl can dream, right?
That's probably all it is.....a dream, but I'm sticking to it longer than I usually do, so I have that going for me, right?
Right.
And I'm just hoping that I'll keep getting better at braiding it, cause really, I love braids so much more than ponytails. I never really wanted to be that mom that always had the ponytail. I guess that's just how it goes though, unless you cut your hair ridiculously short.
Speaking of things I never wanted to be as a mom or things I never thought I would do....I was going to make a list of those things on here.
It's been making me laugh the things I thought I'd never do as a parent, but I'm only three months in and I'm doing them.
With the degree that I have I worked with little kids A LOT. In fact....that's all I did. I saw parents from all different walks of life. Every single style of parenting, socioeconomic status, family set up, you name it - I saw it. And because of my university experience and knowledge I thought I knew everything that they were doing wrong.
Ha.
Ha ha....
This list is bound to keep growing as Grace gets older, but here it goes so far...
Things I said I'd never do as a parent:
-When I'm a mom I'll never take my baby out in public in pajamas. (Yeah, that happened last week)
-When I'm a mom I'll never be the one with the crying baby in the movie theater/church/grocery store.
-When I'm a mom I'll never let my baby cry while I'm doing other things. (Dishes, cleaning the house, talking to my husband, etc.)
-When I'm a mom I'll never go out in public in yoga pants....or no makeup/ponytail....or in a shirt that has spit up all over it that I somehow forgot about....or.... (do you want me to keep going?)
-When I'm a mom I won't bargain hunt for baby clothes/products...my baby deserves the top of the line! (Which she does, but do you know what kind of good stuff you can get when being frugal?)
Apparently my brain is fried cause I know there are more, but I can't think of what they are right now. So there's some for the time being! :)
I've been thinking of making my blog private since I've been posting pictures of Grace on here, so if you'd like an invite let me know!
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
October
October?
I guess it's October, which is altogether happy and crazy!
When I was pregnant with Grace I never saw past July 4th. That was her due date and I just looked to that day and not much else. Now that we are WAY past July 4th I hardly know what to do with myself. I guess, really, I'm just loving this baby caring, mothering, homemaker type life that I lead.
Speaking of babies, I probably won't make it through this post without one of them crying sooo...
I better type fast.
Getting both babies down for a nap at the same time is victorious.
It's also kinda scary cause I never know if I'm being too noisy (and consequently I want to scream at the loud garbage trucks that drive by.....I guess that's when you know you've really reached the status of "mom", right? Wanting to yell at inanimate objects for ruining your child's nap.).
The days that my nephew is here go by in a whirlwind! I'm constantly changing a diaper, giving a baby a bottle, playing patty cake, rocking a baby to sleep, singing songs to make them happy, doing tummy time, or soothing a crying little human. It's these random moments when they are both asleep that I'm like.......what? Oh, I guess I can relax.
Ha ha.
I love having my little nephew here though. He's very cute! He loves trying to touch Grace when they are both on the ground. He'll roll over and touch her face, which usually makes her scream and then I just laugh. What a mean mom I am.
It's kind of like having twins....although I'm sure it's MUCH easier than actually having twins cause Zach is three months older than Grace. He's a lot more developed in all areas of life. He's easier to sit down and stay happy (cause usually he just ends up rolling around everywhere anyway).
I always wanted to have twins (or triplets....or octuplets....jk) when I was growing up. My dolls, Barbies, and stuffed animals always came in pairs or threes (or fives). I LOVED multiples like it was nobody's business.
Because of that, it's kind of fun having two babies to take care of a few times a week.
I've had so much on my mind lately, related to my current adventure of being a stay-at-home mom. There is so much stigma that comes with that, it's interesting (and usually maddening) watching the social media world and how people so openly and awfully express their opinions about these things.
There are many people that make me want to quit social media all together. I know that's ironic....cause I'm posting this to social media, ha ha. But really, I try to stay pretty neutral about things and not tear down other people's choices.
I hope.
A lot of these feelings started before I was pregnant with Grace. We tried for a year to get pregnant and during that very hard and saddening journey we faced a lot of frustration surrounding other people's opinions. Whether it was people asking or telling us that we should have had a baby by then or if a friend of ours on social media very accidentally was having a baby that they didn't necessarily want.....the lack of sensitivity that we found was kind of unbearable.
In some ways I'm finding that still, but it's different. The only way I can define it is simply.....
Mom Wars.
"Being a stay-at-home mom is the best."
"Being a working mom is how it should be."
"Breastfeeding is the only way."
"Formula feeding is so much better."
Those are the ever constant ones, but there are dozens of other things that I see daily on social media where I feel like people are trying to prove that their way is best.
I love being at home, but I know it's not for everyone. I honestly look up to working moms, because they have to put in a full hard days work and then still be there for their children. Yes, I did just describe my days as a whirlwind earlier in this post, but it's different.
And that's okay.
It's okay to have different lifestyles.
I just think it's important to do what is best for you and your family.
Although I would have liked to have breastfed my baby, in the end that didn't end up being what was best for us. You can read my last post if you want to know why. :)
Some days it feels like my news feed is full of mothers who are preaching about breast feeding and it gets hard for me to pass by and not comment to them that they don't know what's going on in the hundreds of lives of their Facebook friends. They don't know who they are tearing down by saying the things that they are saying.
I know this is probably coming off as defensive and somewhat emotional, but I'm not meaning for it to be.
Again, I think everyone figures out what is best for them and their children and that's how it should be. If there is one thing I've learned from being a mom so far, it is the love I feel for my daughter is indescribable. I know that parents, no matter what kind of choices they make for their children, are doing it with that love in mind and because of that they want what is best for their child.
I hope I never push my opinions too forcefully on other people.
I also realize that everyone is different and the opinions of others might not affect some people as much as others. I hope my opinions can affect people in a positive way, if anything!
I'm super excited that it's October! All of the holidays are going to be happening soon and that makes my heart happy.
Well, I didn't make it through this post without a baby crying, but that's okay. I knew I wouldn't, ha ha. I don't mind though, it just means I get to be with cute faces like this!
Monday, August 25, 2014
Humble Pie
We've officially been parents for two months! Little Gracie is two months old today and we love her more and more each day that goes by.
Parenthood has been every single emotion ever. It's crazy how I can feel so many things at one time. But really, no matter what I'm feeling, I always feel extremely blessed.
From the very beginning it was an emotional roller coaster. Grace ended up in the transitional nursery (it's like one step above the NICU) for the first 24 hours of her life. The reason for that was because she didn't think breathing was necessary.
It was super surreal when she was born. You expect that your baby is going to come out and scream because they are cold and blinded and have no idea what's going on.
Not Grace.
She was quiet.
We knew she was breathing, at least somewhat, because she was moving and we saw her responding to the world, but there was no scream. No crying happened. The nurses whisked her away to their little table and they worked with her for awhile on breathing. The little timer above the table was going and she finally let out a cry at the 22 minute mark into her life.
With her being in the transitional nursery came a whole bunch of those emotions that I was talking about. We knew she was fine. Every time we went to visit her the nurses told us that she really didn't need to be in there, but they had to keep her just as a precaution. I was so tired and drained from everything that had happened with the labor and birth that in a lot of ways I was feeling pretty lucky that I had a nurse whose sole purpose was to constantly watch my baby. At the same time though, I just wanted my baby with me.
Ever since then, though, she has been with me and always wants to be with me, it seems. Asleep or awake, she basically always wants to be snuggled up against me. We are definitely working on that, slowly getting her more independent, while still loving every minute that she acts so needy and lovey.
She's an incredibly sweet baby. She has the cutest cry, which I know most parents probably wouldn't say about their child....but really, I haven't found her cry annoying yet. (And every parent that is reading this is screaming at me...."YET! Just you wait!" I know....I know....)
We've definitely had quite a few ups and downs (mostly ups!) so far, but the majority of that is me trying to figure things out. The other day I said to Jeff......."Do you think everyone takes this long to figure things out?"
And really, I bet the answer is....probably. Sort of. Depends on the person.
Ha ha.
I have learned though that there is no distinct time period for when life is supposed to be "figured out".
More specifically....
There is no exact time postpartum that you need to feel "normal" or like you have it all put together or that life can go on without any hiccups.
By society's definition most moms would have been all figured out by now. Two months seems like a long time, but it's amazing how fast it has gone.
I think the second biggest emotion that I've felt so far as a mother is guilt. The first would definitely be happiness....but the second is guilt. How can happiness and guilt be so close to each other?
Eh. It's possible, believe me.
Our biggest challenge with Grace has been feeding her.
Babies......they eat, sleep, poop, repeat. Right? So the whole "eat" thing being an issue has brought on more guilt than you'd imagine, because really, it's one of the major things that taking care of a baby entails.
In the beginning we got off to a bad start with the transitional nursery business. But then the issue just never went away.
Grace would just scream and cry after I'd feed her for sometimes 2 hours. After trying what seemed like everything we opted to give her a bottle. Guilt guilt guilt.
Being a stay-at-home mom I felt so guilty for giving her a bottle, because in my mind I shouldn't have had to do that. Working moms have to because they are away from their babies, but I was never going to be away from her, so it seemed unfair that I had to.
.....but at the same time my anxiety went away after we finally gave her a bottle, because I could see that she was full and happy. I saw that she was gaining weight and wasn't miserable.
We found out when she was six weeks old that she was tongue tied and that's the reason why she wasn't being able to eat properly. We ended up going to the doctor and getting her tongue clipped so she can have full range of motion with her tongue now.
Moving past all of that guilt has been the hardest thing for me as a mom so far. Even knowing that it's not my fault, it was because of her dang tongue, I still had a hard time with it. Being up all night with her is fine. Dealing with spit up and dirty diapers is all good. But coming to terms with her unexpected feeding issues has been hard.
In the end it's taken eating a lot of humble pie to just let it go and realize that having a happy baby is more important than setting unrealistic expectations for myself.
"The Lord doesn't expect us to work harder than we are able. He doesn't (nor should we) compare our efforts to those of others. Our Heavenly Father asks only that we do the best we can -- that we work according to our full capacity, however great or small that may be." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Although I have to remind myself of that message a lot, I know it's true. God doesn't want us to set too high of expectations, especially if it means we aren't going to be happy.
So here we are two months going strong and still trying to figure it all out.
BUT we are very happy.
Grace smiles all the time now and Jeff and I love it! We love knowing that she's happy and that we can give her everything she needs. More than anything I just want her to feel joy and comfort and know how much we love her. I love how I can pick her up and she'll immediately snuggle into my shoulder. I love how she already knows I'm her mom and that that brings her comfort.
Babies are amazing little things! Becoming a parent is way more humbling than I ever thought it would be. (Like I said....lots of pie eating...)
Everyone tells you that you'll never truly be prepared to be a parent....and believe me....I believed them, but at the same time I never knew it would be as humbling as it has been.
We are so lucky to have such a good baby like Grace. She's a big sweetheart and we feel very blessed to have her in our family. And without any doubt I'm so lucky to have Jeff by my side. Single mothers all around the world are my new heroes, because oh my goodness......I'd be a complete basket case without him.
Jeff couldn't be more supportive and I am amazed daily at how nice and loving he is.
(Never can escape a blog post without a bunch of Jeff praise. Nope. Never.)
Here are some extra pictures that I think are fun!
Parenthood has been every single emotion ever. It's crazy how I can feel so many things at one time. But really, no matter what I'm feeling, I always feel extremely blessed.
From the very beginning it was an emotional roller coaster. Grace ended up in the transitional nursery (it's like one step above the NICU) for the first 24 hours of her life. The reason for that was because she didn't think breathing was necessary.
It was super surreal when she was born. You expect that your baby is going to come out and scream because they are cold and blinded and have no idea what's going on.
Not Grace.
She was quiet.
We knew she was breathing, at least somewhat, because she was moving and we saw her responding to the world, but there was no scream. No crying happened. The nurses whisked her away to their little table and they worked with her for awhile on breathing. The little timer above the table was going and she finally let out a cry at the 22 minute mark into her life.
With her being in the transitional nursery came a whole bunch of those emotions that I was talking about. We knew she was fine. Every time we went to visit her the nurses told us that she really didn't need to be in there, but they had to keep her just as a precaution. I was so tired and drained from everything that had happened with the labor and birth that in a lot of ways I was feeling pretty lucky that I had a nurse whose sole purpose was to constantly watch my baby. At the same time though, I just wanted my baby with me.
Ever since then, though, she has been with me and always wants to be with me, it seems. Asleep or awake, she basically always wants to be snuggled up against me. We are definitely working on that, slowly getting her more independent, while still loving every minute that she acts so needy and lovey.
We've definitely had quite a few ups and downs (mostly ups!) so far, but the majority of that is me trying to figure things out. The other day I said to Jeff......."Do you think everyone takes this long to figure things out?"
And really, I bet the answer is....probably. Sort of. Depends on the person.
Ha ha.
I have learned though that there is no distinct time period for when life is supposed to be "figured out".
More specifically....
There is no exact time postpartum that you need to feel "normal" or like you have it all put together or that life can go on without any hiccups.
By society's definition most moms would have been all figured out by now. Two months seems like a long time, but it's amazing how fast it has gone.
I think the second biggest emotion that I've felt so far as a mother is guilt. The first would definitely be happiness....but the second is guilt. How can happiness and guilt be so close to each other?
Eh. It's possible, believe me.
Our biggest challenge with Grace has been feeding her.
Babies......they eat, sleep, poop, repeat. Right? So the whole "eat" thing being an issue has brought on more guilt than you'd imagine, because really, it's one of the major things that taking care of a baby entails.
In the beginning we got off to a bad start with the transitional nursery business. But then the issue just never went away.
Grace would just scream and cry after I'd feed her for sometimes 2 hours. After trying what seemed like everything we opted to give her a bottle. Guilt guilt guilt.
Being a stay-at-home mom I felt so guilty for giving her a bottle, because in my mind I shouldn't have had to do that. Working moms have to because they are away from their babies, but I was never going to be away from her, so it seemed unfair that I had to.
.....but at the same time my anxiety went away after we finally gave her a bottle, because I could see that she was full and happy. I saw that she was gaining weight and wasn't miserable.
We found out when she was six weeks old that she was tongue tied and that's the reason why she wasn't being able to eat properly. We ended up going to the doctor and getting her tongue clipped so she can have full range of motion with her tongue now.
Moving past all of that guilt has been the hardest thing for me as a mom so far. Even knowing that it's not my fault, it was because of her dang tongue, I still had a hard time with it. Being up all night with her is fine. Dealing with spit up and dirty diapers is all good. But coming to terms with her unexpected feeding issues has been hard.
In the end it's taken eating a lot of humble pie to just let it go and realize that having a happy baby is more important than setting unrealistic expectations for myself.
"The Lord doesn't expect us to work harder than we are able. He doesn't (nor should we) compare our efforts to those of others. Our Heavenly Father asks only that we do the best we can -- that we work according to our full capacity, however great or small that may be." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Although I have to remind myself of that message a lot, I know it's true. God doesn't want us to set too high of expectations, especially if it means we aren't going to be happy.
So here we are two months going strong and still trying to figure it all out.
BUT we are very happy.
As you can see. :)
Grace smiles all the time now and Jeff and I love it! We love knowing that she's happy and that we can give her everything she needs. More than anything I just want her to feel joy and comfort and know how much we love her. I love how I can pick her up and she'll immediately snuggle into my shoulder. I love how she already knows I'm her mom and that that brings her comfort.
Babies are amazing little things! Becoming a parent is way more humbling than I ever thought it would be. (Like I said....lots of pie eating...)
Everyone tells you that you'll never truly be prepared to be a parent....and believe me....I believed them, but at the same time I never knew it would be as humbling as it has been.
We are so lucky to have such a good baby like Grace. She's a big sweetheart and we feel very blessed to have her in our family. And without any doubt I'm so lucky to have Jeff by my side. Single mothers all around the world are my new heroes, because oh my goodness......I'd be a complete basket case without him.
Jeff couldn't be more supportive and I am amazed daily at how nice and loving he is.
(Never can escape a blog post without a bunch of Jeff praise. Nope. Never.)
Here are some extra pictures that I think are fun!
This was the other night where she didn't want to sleep and she would make her body super stiff and upright so we couldn't make her lay down. Little stinker....ha.
She's always super smiley when we put her on the changing table. The only explanation is that she's smiling at Jesus. :)
On our walk with the froggy!
She got her newborn pictures taken on her one month birthday! These are just a couple, the rest are on Facebook if you'd like to view them. :)
I don't know if this video will load, but I'm watching my nephew who is three months older than Grace on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and sometimes Fridays. This is what happened when I tried putting them next to each other on the ground, ha ha.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Baby Grace and Her Nursery
Well, we didn't make it to the fourth, but I'm totally okay with that!
Grace Eden Robertson was born last Wednesday, June 25th at 11:50 PM. After 20 hours of labor she was finally born! I went into labor around 4:30 Wednesday morning and oooooh my goodness........I have zero idea how anybody gives birth naturally/without medication. I was in so much pain, I don't know how to describe it really, other than it was unbearable.
After we got to the hospital around 6:45 (I was trying to hold out as long as I could....ha ha, that didn't last long....) I had my epidural in by 8:00 AM and until she was born at 11:50 PM I was pretty much just a happy vegetable in the hospital bed.
She was 6 pounds 10 ounces and measured 19 1/2 inches long. She's a tiny little girl and I love it! Newborns are so precious. :) We love her a lot.
This post is mostly going to be about her nursery though. The whole birth story is pretty long (like I said, 20 hours).....rather personal.....somewhat frustrating....but at the same time it was one of the most spiritual moments for me and Jeff.
I don't know how you can give birth to a baby, witness someone giving birth, or really just hold a newborn in your arms and deny that there is a God. I'm grateful to know that I'm a child of God and I get to raise this beautiful little girl who is also His.
Maybe I'll write about the birth sometime, but today I just wanted to get these pictures uploaded and show the nursery!
I'm the kind of person that reads/stalks blogs and wishes that people would put/show more detail.....SO......be prepared for a lot of pictures.
If I was you....I'd want to see all of these pictures.
The stalkers can thank me later. The people who could care less can click the X on this link and go explore the internet elsewhere. :)
First here are some pictures of Grace!
.jpg)
Well, I hope you enjoyed my overload of pictures. :)
I love my little family!
Grace Eden Robertson was born last Wednesday, June 25th at 11:50 PM. After 20 hours of labor she was finally born! I went into labor around 4:30 Wednesday morning and oooooh my goodness........I have zero idea how anybody gives birth naturally/without medication. I was in so much pain, I don't know how to describe it really, other than it was unbearable.
After we got to the hospital around 6:45 (I was trying to hold out as long as I could....ha ha, that didn't last long....) I had my epidural in by 8:00 AM and until she was born at 11:50 PM I was pretty much just a happy vegetable in the hospital bed.
She was 6 pounds 10 ounces and measured 19 1/2 inches long. She's a tiny little girl and I love it! Newborns are so precious. :) We love her a lot.
This post is mostly going to be about her nursery though. The whole birth story is pretty long (like I said, 20 hours).....rather personal.....somewhat frustrating....but at the same time it was one of the most spiritual moments for me and Jeff.
I don't know how you can give birth to a baby, witness someone giving birth, or really just hold a newborn in your arms and deny that there is a God. I'm grateful to know that I'm a child of God and I get to raise this beautiful little girl who is also His.
Maybe I'll write about the birth sometime, but today I just wanted to get these pictures uploaded and show the nursery!
I'm the kind of person that reads/stalks blogs and wishes that people would put/show more detail.....SO......be prepared for a lot of pictures.
If I was you....I'd want to see all of these pictures.
The stalkers can thank me later. The people who could care less can click the X on this link and go explore the internet elsewhere. :)
First here are some pictures of Grace!
This is from the morning after she was born. :)
Seriously what would I do without this guy?? I love him so much. He's the best husband, friend, and now dad.
Right before we went home from the hospital!
Yaaaaaawn!
She loves her hands like it's nobody's business.
This is from today! (6 days old) She loves curling her feet up.
This is the little name tag they had on her bassinet at the hospital. I'm a weirdo and stuck it on her door, ha ha. :)
The view from the door!
Jeff and I made these blocks! I posted a picture of the graphic a little while back, but here is the finished product.
Bookshelf/toy chest. She kind of has a lot of books already....no.....I'm not addicted to children's literature. Nope. No way.
The flowers her Grandma and Grandpa gave her in the hospital! They are in the cutest little vase. I think once these flowers die I'll find some fun fake ones to replace them. The vase is too cute not to use!
My grandma gave me this frame as a wedding present when we got married. I kind of laughed when she did because it's a little odd for a wedding gift and seemed out of place at the time. I'm so grateful she did give it to me though, because she's not here now to enjoy this next stage of life with me. I know she's cheering me on from the other side though! I consider this her gift to Grace.
Temple and Jesus picture on the wall. Both little projects I made for her. (and by projects I mean I just painted the frame/block, nothing at all impressive)
Love this picture!
Crib and changing table! I love that they match. :)
Elephants!
Seriously.....so many elephants! Her cute quilt. :)
Complete with her name.
The vinyl wall hanging that Jeff got for me. This is pretty much what started the pink, yellow, and gray elephant madness.
Our mammoth chair that takes up half the room! I love it though, it's already been wonderful to have in there.
The room is kind of small so the chair had to go in front of the closet, ha ha! Good thing that half is only storage that we never get out!
(Side note: Jeff gave me that stuffed animal elephant on the arm of the chair when we were dating.)
Bows! Yay for being girly!
Jeff and I painted the dresser to match the room. It was brown before this. Since it's in the closet we really didn't need to paint it, but Jeff's the nicest and did it anyways because he knew it'd make me happy. (and it did!)
Our window is kind of dirty so it's hard to see, but I love how our big Lion King-ish tree is right outside her window. It's the small things that bring joy to my life....ha ha. Obviously.
Me and Jeff as newborns! I'm surprised Grace's hair wasn't darker when she was born, Jeff and I both had pretty dark hair.
Well, I hope you enjoyed my overload of pictures. :)
I love my little family!
Monday, June 2, 2014
All Done
Today is officially my first day as a full-time homemaker.
How do I feel about that????
I feel a lot of things about that.
In fact, I probably feel every emotion you could think to feel when describing how I feel about that. We'll give it a week and then I'll decide what the most powerful emotion is, ha ha.
I'm kidding, I already know what the strongest emotion is....
Happiness!
Friday was my last day of work, which I didn't know until Thursday afternoon. I had kind of expected that I'd be done Friday, but I was also flying by the seat of my pants till Thursday when I found out.
The new summer schedule started today for the kids at my job. I knew I wasn't on the summer schedule, cause....well....I'm having a baby.......but there was a possibility that I'd be subbing very part-time till said baby arrived.
In the end, they didn't need me to sub so here I am at home! I'm grateful and sad and very happy and melancholy and relieved all at the same time.
Being pregnant is frustrating because it's hard to know how you feel about things.
On Thursday after I found out that Friday would be my last day I kind of yelled at Jeff about it.
And by kind of, I mean.....I did.
I yelled.
He walked through the door from work and the first thing I said to him as he smiled at me was: "I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!"
He was confused and asked what he did wrong and then I just started sobbing.
He didn't do anything wrong, I was just upset that Friday would be my last day. So as he sheepishly walked into the other room I kept yelling, but this time through my tears it was: "NO, WAIT!!! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU! .............. I DON'T KNOOOOOW!!!"
Husbands of pregnant ladies are champions.
Who am I kidding, husbands of all kinds are champions. Period.
Especially mine.
Anyways, enough about my emotions.
It's crazy being done with work.
My job as a behavior interventionist was seriously THE BEST job I've ever had! I can't even begin to express how blessed I feel that I was able to have that job.
I love the kids I worked with so much. I never thought I'd love children that aren't my own as much as I loved those kids. I didn't really think it was possible.
Being a behavior interventionist/at-home therapist was very different from being a teacher. I was able to connect with the children I worked with on a much more personal level than I ever did with the kids I taught at schools.
I was in the homes of these children. I helped them eat, get dressed, talk to their parents, play with their siblings, potty train/change diapers, learn many basic daily skills that we all take for granted....I taught them academics, social cues, how to form longer, more appropriate sentences than they were previously capable of doing.....
The world of at-home therapy is crazy and so worth it all at the same time. I worked with some parents who I wanted to drive straight to parenting classes and not let them come back till they had learned something. I worked with other parents who I completely look up to and will take their skills with me as I enter parenthood myself. Some parents would talk and talk and talk and talk and talk to me like I was their therapist, instead of their child's. That always made me laugh.
I worked a lot with the siblings of the children too. Many times the siblings would work with us the entire time I was there just because they didn't want to feel left out. I had lots of siblings tell me they wished they had a therapist to play with. I always wanted to tell them they shouldn't wish that, ha ha, but obviously I never would say that to them. Other times the siblings didn't want to work with us, but their parents made them because the child with autism needed to learn how to interact with them better.
I will forever be an advocate for people with autism. I love way too many autistic people not to be! They are some of the brightest, funniest, sweetest people. Their possibilities are endless if we let them be. Especially after having this job I have the firm belief that the main thing holding back autistic people is their environment and the negative labels that society gives them.
I saw SO much improvement with so many of the children I worked with! I was always so proud of those kids.
There were some children that couldn't talk when I first started working with them.....like literally they had no words, but now several months later they can say full sentences and have a big enough vocabulary that they can hold a conversation. I love that I was able to go on that journey with them and see that process happen.
People with autism just want to be understood. That's a huge thing I learned while being with the children that I worked with. If a child was throwing a tantrum 90% of the time it was because I didn't understand what they wanted. This either was happening because they didn't have the verbal ability to tell me or they didn't have the skills to calm themselves down to tell me. Either way, helping these kids understand how to communicate better completely changed their lives. They became so much happier and much more accepted by everyone around them because their skills in communication increased.
I think that's true about everybody, with or without disabilities. Communication is probably the biggest part of any relationship, casual or intimate. The better we are at communicating, the happier we will be, because people will understand us more.
I'm going to miss the kids that I worked with a lot. They all were so unique and wonderful in different ways. They all had a crazy side, some of which I won't miss (because it got scary sometimes), but they also had fun, hilarious parts about them that I'll definitely wish I could still see. I'll always wish that I could still be there to see how much progress they make.
There is no doubt that I've been very blessed through the different jobs I've had over the years. Moving onto the job of motherhood is going to be totally new and different, but in good way. For a really long time I felt guilty about staying home with the baby. I think it came from the fact that all I've ever known is what it's like to work outside of the home and make money. I felt like making money is making a contribution and not doing that should make me feel guilty. Jeff has reassured me probably a million times now that I shouldn't feel that way though.
It really is a ginormous blessing that I can stay home. I have a lot of friends who have to be working moms for one reason or another and it really does humble me to think that I can stay home with my baby and our family will be fine financially. It really is an incredible tender mercy.
I know that God loves all of His children. That's definitely something I saw every single day I worked with those awesome autistic children. There is no doubt to me that He loves me and knows what I need. Through every trial I've gone through there has always been a brighter, bigger blessing waiting for me.
I know I don't really talk specifically on here about what my trials are, but I don't think I need to. I think it's better to focus on what I've been given rather than what's been hard along the way.
The baby's nursery is almost done and ready for her! We only have a couple more things to put on the walls and then after that it'll basically be organizing whatever we get from baby showers. It's very unreal to me how close she is to being here. I'm almost 36 weeks, so realistically it could be in the next couple weeks or so. My doctor seems to think it'll be in the next couple weeks, which is scary and exciting. Everyone keeps telling me not to believe him, ha ha. We'll see what happens, no matter how it goes, it'll be great!
Some of the best advice I received from a parent of one of the children I worked with was to go into everything (labor, delivery, postpartum etc.) with no expectations. She ended up having to have a C-section when she knew nothing about what that meant and she was devastated. I think having no expectations is good advice, because if I do go into it thinking it'll be a certain way then that's just setting me up for a lot of hurt emotionally if it doesn't go that way.
I don't know if I'll make another post before she comes or not. I've been slacking pretty massively with posting lately, I think my last one was a month ago...........whoops! Whether or not I do make a post before the birth, one things for sure, there will be a lot to share after she IS here!
So until then.....
Independence Day or bust!
How do I feel about that????
I feel a lot of things about that.
In fact, I probably feel every emotion you could think to feel when describing how I feel about that. We'll give it a week and then I'll decide what the most powerful emotion is, ha ha.
I'm kidding, I already know what the strongest emotion is....
Happiness!
Friday was my last day of work, which I didn't know until Thursday afternoon. I had kind of expected that I'd be done Friday, but I was also flying by the seat of my pants till Thursday when I found out.
The new summer schedule started today for the kids at my job. I knew I wasn't on the summer schedule, cause....well....I'm having a baby.......but there was a possibility that I'd be subbing very part-time till said baby arrived.
In the end, they didn't need me to sub so here I am at home! I'm grateful and sad and very happy and melancholy and relieved all at the same time.
Being pregnant is frustrating because it's hard to know how you feel about things.
On Thursday after I found out that Friday would be my last day I kind of yelled at Jeff about it.
And by kind of, I mean.....I did.
I yelled.
He walked through the door from work and the first thing I said to him as he smiled at me was: "I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!"
He was confused and asked what he did wrong and then I just started sobbing.
He didn't do anything wrong, I was just upset that Friday would be my last day. So as he sheepishly walked into the other room I kept yelling, but this time through my tears it was: "NO, WAIT!!! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU! .............. I DON'T KNOOOOOW!!!"
Husbands of pregnant ladies are champions.
Who am I kidding, husbands of all kinds are champions. Period.
Especially mine.
Anyways, enough about my emotions.
It's crazy being done with work.
My job as a behavior interventionist was seriously THE BEST job I've ever had! I can't even begin to express how blessed I feel that I was able to have that job.
I love the kids I worked with so much. I never thought I'd love children that aren't my own as much as I loved those kids. I didn't really think it was possible.
Being a behavior interventionist/at-home therapist was very different from being a teacher. I was able to connect with the children I worked with on a much more personal level than I ever did with the kids I taught at schools.
I was in the homes of these children. I helped them eat, get dressed, talk to their parents, play with their siblings, potty train/change diapers, learn many basic daily skills that we all take for granted....I taught them academics, social cues, how to form longer, more appropriate sentences than they were previously capable of doing.....
The world of at-home therapy is crazy and so worth it all at the same time. I worked with some parents who I wanted to drive straight to parenting classes and not let them come back till they had learned something. I worked with other parents who I completely look up to and will take their skills with me as I enter parenthood myself. Some parents would talk and talk and talk and talk and talk to me like I was their therapist, instead of their child's. That always made me laugh.
I worked a lot with the siblings of the children too. Many times the siblings would work with us the entire time I was there just because they didn't want to feel left out. I had lots of siblings tell me they wished they had a therapist to play with. I always wanted to tell them they shouldn't wish that, ha ha, but obviously I never would say that to them. Other times the siblings didn't want to work with us, but their parents made them because the child with autism needed to learn how to interact with them better.
I will forever be an advocate for people with autism. I love way too many autistic people not to be! They are some of the brightest, funniest, sweetest people. Their possibilities are endless if we let them be. Especially after having this job I have the firm belief that the main thing holding back autistic people is their environment and the negative labels that society gives them.
I saw SO much improvement with so many of the children I worked with! I was always so proud of those kids.
There were some children that couldn't talk when I first started working with them.....like literally they had no words, but now several months later they can say full sentences and have a big enough vocabulary that they can hold a conversation. I love that I was able to go on that journey with them and see that process happen.
People with autism just want to be understood. That's a huge thing I learned while being with the children that I worked with. If a child was throwing a tantrum 90% of the time it was because I didn't understand what they wanted. This either was happening because they didn't have the verbal ability to tell me or they didn't have the skills to calm themselves down to tell me. Either way, helping these kids understand how to communicate better completely changed their lives. They became so much happier and much more accepted by everyone around them because their skills in communication increased.
I think that's true about everybody, with or without disabilities. Communication is probably the biggest part of any relationship, casual or intimate. The better we are at communicating, the happier we will be, because people will understand us more.
I'm going to miss the kids that I worked with a lot. They all were so unique and wonderful in different ways. They all had a crazy side, some of which I won't miss (because it got scary sometimes), but they also had fun, hilarious parts about them that I'll definitely wish I could still see. I'll always wish that I could still be there to see how much progress they make.
There is no doubt that I've been very blessed through the different jobs I've had over the years. Moving onto the job of motherhood is going to be totally new and different, but in good way. For a really long time I felt guilty about staying home with the baby. I think it came from the fact that all I've ever known is what it's like to work outside of the home and make money. I felt like making money is making a contribution and not doing that should make me feel guilty. Jeff has reassured me probably a million times now that I shouldn't feel that way though.
It really is a ginormous blessing that I can stay home. I have a lot of friends who have to be working moms for one reason or another and it really does humble me to think that I can stay home with my baby and our family will be fine financially. It really is an incredible tender mercy.
I know that God loves all of His children. That's definitely something I saw every single day I worked with those awesome autistic children. There is no doubt to me that He loves me and knows what I need. Through every trial I've gone through there has always been a brighter, bigger blessing waiting for me.
I know I don't really talk specifically on here about what my trials are, but I don't think I need to. I think it's better to focus on what I've been given rather than what's been hard along the way.
The baby's nursery is almost done and ready for her! We only have a couple more things to put on the walls and then after that it'll basically be organizing whatever we get from baby showers. It's very unreal to me how close she is to being here. I'm almost 36 weeks, so realistically it could be in the next couple weeks or so. My doctor seems to think it'll be in the next couple weeks, which is scary and exciting. Everyone keeps telling me not to believe him, ha ha. We'll see what happens, no matter how it goes, it'll be great!
Some of the best advice I received from a parent of one of the children I worked with was to go into everything (labor, delivery, postpartum etc.) with no expectations. She ended up having to have a C-section when she knew nothing about what that meant and she was devastated. I think having no expectations is good advice, because if I do go into it thinking it'll be a certain way then that's just setting me up for a lot of hurt emotionally if it doesn't go that way.
I don't know if I'll make another post before she comes or not. I've been slacking pretty massively with posting lately, I think my last one was a month ago...........whoops! Whether or not I do make a post before the birth, one things for sure, there will be a lot to share after she IS here!
So until then.....
Independence Day or bust!
Friday, April 18, 2014
Karaoke Machine
When I was little (probably like 9 or 10, maybe older?) I wanted a karaoke machine for Christmas.
This karaoke machine was special though, it didn't play karaoke CD's, it played ANY CD. I wanted to be able to put any CD into this karaoke machine and magically the original singer's voice would disappear so I could replace it.
My mom and dad tried to convince me that this magical machine didn't exist, but I was set on it.
I NEEDED this machine and I NEEDED it right then, for that Christmas. I couldn't just WAIT until science caught up with my mind and did what I wanted.
I just.
Needed.
It.
Heartbreak of heartbreaks, I didn't receive the magical karaoke machine that Christmas and I never did.
Is that my parents fault?
No.
It didn't exist.
Is it my fault for being too creative for modern technology?
Yes.
Yes it is.
Was.
Is still.
It's still my fault.
Since that time of my life I've had lots of "karaoke machine" ideas. So many in fact, my family so lovingly refers to most of my ideas as karaoke machines.
I guess that song "you can't always get what you want" rings too true in my life.
I've gotten used to it though.
It doesn't make me any less stubborn in these situations, but whatever. I am who I am, I suppose.
Lately my karaoke machine has been in the form of baby fabric. Seriously, who in their right mind of the fabric design industry has not thought to make baby elephant fabric that's only pink, yellow, gray, and white?
Everybody.
Everybody is the answer.
So my karaoke machine has gone un-purchased yet again.
Sigh.
We'll just pretend like that's not the most annoying thing in my life right now.
I know, I really do have it hard. People are going through real trials and I'm moaning about fabric. I seem pretty ungrateful, this I'm aware of.
Since I am acting ungrateful how about I make a list of things that are making me happy/super grateful lately!
Happy List:
-My husband graduates a week from today! (that one's more proud than anything else)
-As of today I am 29 weeks pregnant, that's a pretty huge deal!
-Instagram
-We are going out of town this weekend AND next weekend! Woo hoo! I feel like I need a break....it'll be good.
-Cherry blossoms
-Walking around my neighborhood. I love looking at all of the houses and thinking about the people we know here.
-Water
-This picture: Click Me!
-Blowing bubbles with one of my favorite children in the world. I'm going to miss that boy....
-Thinking about holiday traditions to start now that we are going to have kids.
-Feeling content with where I'm at.
-This video: Watch Me!
-Getting an ultrasound done and having the nurse say about 20 times that everything looks great and exactly how it's supposed to be.
-Sleep
-Wonderful springy weather
I'm sure there are lots more, but I better stop before you all get jealous. :) Ha. I'm joking, but really, I have so much to be thankful for.
And on that note I leave you with Josh.....
Listen to Me!
This karaoke machine was special though, it didn't play karaoke CD's, it played ANY CD. I wanted to be able to put any CD into this karaoke machine and magically the original singer's voice would disappear so I could replace it.
My mom and dad tried to convince me that this magical machine didn't exist, but I was set on it.
I NEEDED this machine and I NEEDED it right then, for that Christmas. I couldn't just WAIT until science caught up with my mind and did what I wanted.
I just.
Needed.
It.
Heartbreak of heartbreaks, I didn't receive the magical karaoke machine that Christmas and I never did.
Is that my parents fault?
No.
It didn't exist.
Is it my fault for being too creative for modern technology?
Yes.
Yes it is.
Was.
Is still.
It's still my fault.
Since that time of my life I've had lots of "karaoke machine" ideas. So many in fact, my family so lovingly refers to most of my ideas as karaoke machines.
I guess that song "you can't always get what you want" rings too true in my life.
I've gotten used to it though.
It doesn't make me any less stubborn in these situations, but whatever. I am who I am, I suppose.
Lately my karaoke machine has been in the form of baby fabric. Seriously, who in their right mind of the fabric design industry has not thought to make baby elephant fabric that's only pink, yellow, gray, and white?
Everybody.
Everybody is the answer.
So my karaoke machine has gone un-purchased yet again.
Sigh.
We'll just pretend like that's not the most annoying thing in my life right now.
I know, I really do have it hard. People are going through real trials and I'm moaning about fabric. I seem pretty ungrateful, this I'm aware of.
Since I am acting ungrateful how about I make a list of things that are making me happy/super grateful lately!
Happy List:
-My husband graduates a week from today! (that one's more proud than anything else)
-As of today I am 29 weeks pregnant, that's a pretty huge deal!
-We are going out of town this weekend AND next weekend! Woo hoo! I feel like I need a break....it'll be good.
-Cherry blossoms
-Walking around my neighborhood. I love looking at all of the houses and thinking about the people we know here.
-Water
-This picture: Click Me!
-Blowing bubbles with one of my favorite children in the world. I'm going to miss that boy....
-Thinking about holiday traditions to start now that we are going to have kids.
-Feeling content with where I'm at.
-This video: Watch Me!
-Getting an ultrasound done and having the nurse say about 20 times that everything looks great and exactly how it's supposed to be.
-Sleep
-Wonderful springy weather
I'm sure there are lots more, but I better stop before you all get jealous. :) Ha. I'm joking, but really, I have so much to be thankful for.
And on that note I leave you with Josh.....
Listen to Me!
Friday, March 28, 2014
Conversations and Three Years
The children I work with don't really understand the whole - "There's a baby in my tummy" thing. In fact, most of them have a hard time focusing on a conversation long enough to get past a couple words, so for that reason I haven't told many of the kids that I work with that I'm pregnant.
I do work with a couple higher functioning kids though that kind of understand, so I've told them. One hilarious boy and one crazy little girl. Both of their reactions were really funny and cute and I wish I could have video taped it cause really, I just love them.
The boy wanted to lift up my many layers of shirts and look at my stomach. I told him he couldn't do that, so of course the rest of the time I was with him he tried pulling up my shirt.
Of course that's what he did.
Makes sense.
He also told me all about what his mom has told him about when she was pregnant with him. He asked me several times if my belly button was going to poke out and if the baby was going to keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger....and then he tried to lift my shirt up.
Of course.
I told the little girl last night and it was so hilariously cute! We work in an area of her house where nobody else is, so we were totally alone/she didn't have her mom there to help her reason through the conversation.
This little girl pretty much only talks in third person and it's kind of great (aka I should probably try to fix it, and I do, but I still think it's adorable). I needed to get something off of a shelf that was too high for her to reach so I stood on a chair and got it for her. This was basically how the conversation unfolded....
Girl: "Amber's too big! She can get it!" (the thing on the shelf)
Me: "I am pretty big, did you know it's because I have a baby in my tummy?"
Girl: "Yeah!" *paused and thought about it* "Amber has a baby?"
Me: "Yeah, it's a baby girl, she's in my tummy still though."
Girl: "In the tummy still?"
Me: "Yeah, right here *points* there's a baby!"
Girl: "YEAH!! It's a girl baby! She's so cute! Can I touch her?"
Me: "Yeah, you can touch her."
Girl: "*touches my stomach* Oh, she's so cute, the baby! Amber has to keep the baby in the tummy to stay warm."
Then about ten minutes later she asked me if she could touch the baby girl again and kept saying "oh, she's so cute!" ha ha.
I love that girl. She's adorable. I loved watching that idea click in her head. Many times the autistic kids that I work with will say that they understand something, when they really don't. It's pretty easy to tell what stuff they are getting and what stuff doesn't make sense. I like watching them actually truly grasp a concept, it's one of the best parts of my job.
In other news, we celebrated our third wedding anniversary the other day! So much has happened in the three years we've been married.
Here's a little list of some of the things we've done....
- Received two bachelor's degrees (one each) (okay, I guess Jeff still has a month till graduation, but I'm still counting it)
- Been to Disneyland :)
- Got pregnant with our baby!!!
- Went to Washington D.C.
- Stayed in the same apartment the whole time (I feel like that's a big deal cause usually newlyweds move every year or close to it for the first little while)
- Jeff's gotten two promotions at his job (one was more of an upgrade to the accounting department, the second was an actual promotion to a management position)
- Traveled to some of the best National Parks in California
- Each served in two different callings in our ward
- I've had 5 different jobs (all either working in schools/with kids during the school year or mowing the grass for schools during the summer), but have finally stuck to the best one ever since I graduated almost a year ago
- Purchased two fish
- Had a hard time remembering to feed two fish
- Jeff's played indoor soccer almost constantly since we've been married, meaning we almost always have a weekly soccer game to go to
- Been through 9 temples together
- Jeff's played softball in the summers
- Welcomed three nephews and one niece into the world (soon to be another nephew next week, followed by another niece in May!)
- Said goodbye to both of my grandparents and had the amazing opportunity to go through and clean out their house last fall after my grandpa passed
- Went to Seaworld, Six Flags, and the Pacific Ocean!
- Have had nine sets of neighbors in our 4-plex since we've lived here
- Lived each day with our best friend and have loved all of it!
There always seems to be bloggers who get their blogs published on things related to relationships. They say things like.....marriage isn't for you.....or marriage is for you......or why I'm going to stay single as long as I can........or why getting married at age 19 was the best decision I ever made........etc. etc.
I'm not going to claim that I know what works for marriages and I'm sure as anything not going to try to publish what I say for more than just my friends and family to read.....
.....But I really can say that I have a happy marriage.
We've been through a lot, many things that I'm not going to spell out on my list, because they are too personal. But all of the things on the list and the personal things included have helped us be who we are as a wife and husband, now three years later.
I was thinking the other day (probably on our anniversary) about what I thought made my marriage work and one big thing that I discovered was this.....
Knowing when to be selfish about your feelings and knowing when to give up everything and be selfless for your partner and their needs.
Obviously being selfless is the straightway to keeping your husband happy, but when it comes down to it that's not totally appropriate for your own self worth. If a person was completely selfless all the time their own needs wouldn't be met.
I know for a fact that both Jeff and I have been selfish in our marriage, but what matters is we know not to walk all over each other when we are and we know how to reign it in when we need to support each other and be selfless.
So there's my two cents on what I think keeps us happy together (at least I can say I'm happy, some days Jeff might say he's tolerating me, ha ha).
Onto our fourth year of marriage! It's definitely going to be the biggest as far as change goes. Hopefully we can keep adding to our list with lots of fun and new things! :)
I do work with a couple higher functioning kids though that kind of understand, so I've told them. One hilarious boy and one crazy little girl. Both of their reactions were really funny and cute and I wish I could have video taped it cause really, I just love them.
The boy wanted to lift up my many layers of shirts and look at my stomach. I told him he couldn't do that, so of course the rest of the time I was with him he tried pulling up my shirt.
Of course that's what he did.
Makes sense.
He also told me all about what his mom has told him about when she was pregnant with him. He asked me several times if my belly button was going to poke out and if the baby was going to keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger....and then he tried to lift my shirt up.
Of course.
I told the little girl last night and it was so hilariously cute! We work in an area of her house where nobody else is, so we were totally alone/she didn't have her mom there to help her reason through the conversation.
This little girl pretty much only talks in third person and it's kind of great (aka I should probably try to fix it, and I do, but I still think it's adorable). I needed to get something off of a shelf that was too high for her to reach so I stood on a chair and got it for her. This was basically how the conversation unfolded....
Girl: "Amber's too big! She can get it!" (the thing on the shelf)
Me: "I am pretty big, did you know it's because I have a baby in my tummy?"
Girl: "Yeah!" *paused and thought about it* "Amber has a baby?"
Me: "Yeah, it's a baby girl, she's in my tummy still though."
Girl: "In the tummy still?"
Me: "Yeah, right here *points* there's a baby!"
Girl: "YEAH!! It's a girl baby! She's so cute! Can I touch her?"
Me: "Yeah, you can touch her."
Girl: "*touches my stomach* Oh, she's so cute, the baby! Amber has to keep the baby in the tummy to stay warm."
Then about ten minutes later she asked me if she could touch the baby girl again and kept saying "oh, she's so cute!" ha ha.
I love that girl. She's adorable. I loved watching that idea click in her head. Many times the autistic kids that I work with will say that they understand something, when they really don't. It's pretty easy to tell what stuff they are getting and what stuff doesn't make sense. I like watching them actually truly grasp a concept, it's one of the best parts of my job.
In other news, we celebrated our third wedding anniversary the other day! So much has happened in the three years we've been married.
Here's a little list of some of the things we've done....
- Received two bachelor's degrees (one each) (okay, I guess Jeff still has a month till graduation, but I'm still counting it)
- Been to Disneyland :)
- Got pregnant with our baby!!!
- Went to Washington D.C.
- Stayed in the same apartment the whole time (I feel like that's a big deal cause usually newlyweds move every year or close to it for the first little while)
- Jeff's gotten two promotions at his job (one was more of an upgrade to the accounting department, the second was an actual promotion to a management position)
- Traveled to some of the best National Parks in California
- Each served in two different callings in our ward
- I've had 5 different jobs (all either working in schools/with kids during the school year or mowing the grass for schools during the summer), but have finally stuck to the best one ever since I graduated almost a year ago
- Purchased two fish
- Had a hard time remembering to feed two fish
- Jeff's played indoor soccer almost constantly since we've been married, meaning we almost always have a weekly soccer game to go to
- Been through 9 temples together
- Jeff's played softball in the summers
- Welcomed three nephews and one niece into the world (soon to be another nephew next week, followed by another niece in May!)
- Said goodbye to both of my grandparents and had the amazing opportunity to go through and clean out their house last fall after my grandpa passed
- Went to Seaworld, Six Flags, and the Pacific Ocean!
- Have had nine sets of neighbors in our 4-plex since we've lived here
- Lived each day with our best friend and have loved all of it!
There always seems to be bloggers who get their blogs published on things related to relationships. They say things like.....marriage isn't for you.....or marriage is for you......or why I'm going to stay single as long as I can........or why getting married at age 19 was the best decision I ever made........etc. etc.
I'm not going to claim that I know what works for marriages and I'm sure as anything not going to try to publish what I say for more than just my friends and family to read.....
.....But I really can say that I have a happy marriage.
We've been through a lot, many things that I'm not going to spell out on my list, because they are too personal. But all of the things on the list and the personal things included have helped us be who we are as a wife and husband, now three years later.
I was thinking the other day (probably on our anniversary) about what I thought made my marriage work and one big thing that I discovered was this.....
Knowing when to be selfish about your feelings and knowing when to give up everything and be selfless for your partner and their needs.
Obviously being selfless is the straightway to keeping your husband happy, but when it comes down to it that's not totally appropriate for your own self worth. If a person was completely selfless all the time their own needs wouldn't be met.
I know for a fact that both Jeff and I have been selfish in our marriage, but what matters is we know not to walk all over each other when we are and we know how to reign it in when we need to support each other and be selfless.
So there's my two cents on what I think keeps us happy together (at least I can say I'm happy, some days Jeff might say he's tolerating me, ha ha).
Onto our fourth year of marriage! It's definitely going to be the biggest as far as change goes. Hopefully we can keep adding to our list with lots of fun and new things! :)
Friday, March 21, 2014
Working on Feeling Guilty
So there is this thing within my core personality that isn't very changeable.
The question of....."Can people change???"
Yeah, I think people can change. I think there are personality traits that people can change. Many flaws can be altered and kept that way. Lots of lifestyles can be eliminated if given the right kind of intervention. It's true, people can change.
Well, this character "flaw" that I possess isn't really changeable, as I already said. I can learn to live with it and get over it on a daily basis, yes, but permanently make it go away? Probably not.
It's one of those things that is deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep.....deeply rooted within me (like if I was a plant the roots would be popping out on the other side of the world in China somewhere).
What is this issue that I deal with?
Feeling guilty.
The last thing I want to feel is guilt, but in the end I feel it anyways.
Vicious.
It's a very vicious cycle.
Well, I can really say that I've been working overtime on NOT feeling guilty lately.
I can say now that after battling the vicious cycle for the past couple of weeks I have come out victorious and feel good about where I am.
So why had I been feeling guilty?
That's probably the only thing you REALLY want to know if you're reading this. Nobody reads these things to get the deeper psychology behind people's emotions, it's all about the facts, the cold hard reasons why you're feeling those feelings.
Well, here is the reason........
Starting next week I'll be down to 30 hours a week working instead of 40.
If you just read that and think...."well, why is that a big deal?" .....then you obviously have never felt guilt!
Ha ha. I joke....
There are so many reasons why this made me feel guilty.
I felt guilty because we will be out a chunk of money that I COULD have made if I kept going on with 40 hours.
I felt guilty because I don't like letting people down and I had to drop a client to get down to the hours I wanted. (It totally didn't help either that yesterday when I went to his house he was screaming from the window: "MISS AMBER!!! YOU ARE HERE!!!!! MOM, MISS AMBER IS HERE!!!!!! SHE'S HERE SHE'S HERE!!!")
I felt guilty because I don't like putting more responsibility on other people when I could just do it myself. Meaning.....other people are going to have to take my sessions and it messes up the schedule etc.
I felt guilty because I have not been "sick" during this pregnancy (more on that later) so cutting down hours makes me look lazy.
But..........after the past couple weeks of coming home crying, exhausted, and worried I had to get over ALL of that guilt and just cut back on my work.
When I was deciding if I was going to drop the hours or not the never changing thought of: "I am constantly seeing friends work full-time clear up till their 40 week mark of pregnancy. Why is it being so hard for me and so many other people are doing it so effortlessly?"
I think the answer behind that lies within the kind of work that I do.
I had to keep reminding myself that I do therapy with autistic children, many of them are considered severely autistic. I had been coming home crying because I was getting kicked and punched by the children I work with, which wasn't anything new, but it was pushing me over the edge to where I just didn't feel capable anymore.
The reason I wasn't feeling capable was because I was so tired. I was doing day after day 9 hours of therapy with these kids and it was making me exhausted. My body wasn't being able to keep up with the kind of service I was needing to provide the kids I work with.
I absolutely adore all of the children that I work with. However, they get mad because I make them do hard things. And when they get mad it's as unpredictable as a slap across the face or head butting my stomach.
But they NEED to be challenged so they can grow. I love seeing them learn and become better! I wouldn't change any of the physical altercations I've experienced for the amount of progress I've seen in all of my kids.
That being said, I had to face reality. The reality is that I'm an ever growing pregnant woman who needs to take care of herself. Really, I need to take care of my baby and give myself enough rest for her to grow and be healthy too.
So there's my long explanation of why I felt guilty cutting down on working, but why it needed to be done. I have been so comatose the past couple of weeks as I've worked the long days that I have. It'll be really nice to actually be able to rest now.
When I mentioned all of the reasons for guilt I said how I haven't been sick this whole pregnancy and that makes me feel guilty. Really, it truly makes me feel bad when I talk to people about it. It makes me feel like I have a permanent target on my back that says: "If this girl complains about anything pregnancy related she is to be ignored and dismissed because she has not had it hard at all! No complaining. No weaknesses."
I felt like cutting back on working made me look weak and that's not okay.
I guess I just needed to step out of junior high and stop worrying about what other people think. My husband still thinks I'm cool so that's all that matters, right??? (He was actually the one who said I shouldn't be working so many hours and gave me the idea to cut back.....he's the reasonable one in our relationship, which is probably blaringly obvious!)
In the end, I don't feel guilty anymore. I feel good about what the next couple of months are going to look like. I feel like I'll be able to get enough rest which will translate into feeling more capable at my job.
Feeling guilty doesn't hurt anybody but yourself, really. Like, I said, it's a vicious cycle. Nobody else was or is feeling any kind of remorse from the decision I made, so why should I feel that way? That just keeps me feeling down and that's not what I need.
I really am so blessed to be married to Jeff. Like I said, he's the reasonable one, and it helps me immensely! Sometimes I wonder how I even coped or made decisions before I knew him. I probably didn't do any of that very gracefully before, but now I love how he can help me feel confident and good about the things I do.
(And here you thought I was going to make it through this post without some solid Jeff phrase. Like that was going to happen....)
The question of....."Can people change???"
Yeah, I think people can change. I think there are personality traits that people can change. Many flaws can be altered and kept that way. Lots of lifestyles can be eliminated if given the right kind of intervention. It's true, people can change.
Well, this character "flaw" that I possess isn't really changeable, as I already said. I can learn to live with it and get over it on a daily basis, yes, but permanently make it go away? Probably not.
It's one of those things that is deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep.....deeply rooted within me (like if I was a plant the roots would be popping out on the other side of the world in China somewhere).
What is this issue that I deal with?
Feeling guilty.
The last thing I want to feel is guilt, but in the end I feel it anyways.
Vicious.
It's a very vicious cycle.
Well, I can really say that I've been working overtime on NOT feeling guilty lately.
I can say now that after battling the vicious cycle for the past couple of weeks I have come out victorious and feel good about where I am.
So why had I been feeling guilty?
That's probably the only thing you REALLY want to know if you're reading this. Nobody reads these things to get the deeper psychology behind people's emotions, it's all about the facts, the cold hard reasons why you're feeling those feelings.
Well, here is the reason........
Starting next week I'll be down to 30 hours a week working instead of 40.
If you just read that and think...."well, why is that a big deal?" .....then you obviously have never felt guilt!
Ha ha. I joke....
There are so many reasons why this made me feel guilty.
I felt guilty because we will be out a chunk of money that I COULD have made if I kept going on with 40 hours.
I felt guilty because I don't like letting people down and I had to drop a client to get down to the hours I wanted. (It totally didn't help either that yesterday when I went to his house he was screaming from the window: "MISS AMBER!!! YOU ARE HERE!!!!! MOM, MISS AMBER IS HERE!!!!!! SHE'S HERE SHE'S HERE!!!")
I felt guilty because I don't like putting more responsibility on other people when I could just do it myself. Meaning.....other people are going to have to take my sessions and it messes up the schedule etc.
I felt guilty because I have not been "sick" during this pregnancy (more on that later) so cutting down hours makes me look lazy.
But..........after the past couple weeks of coming home crying, exhausted, and worried I had to get over ALL of that guilt and just cut back on my work.
When I was deciding if I was going to drop the hours or not the never changing thought of: "I am constantly seeing friends work full-time clear up till their 40 week mark of pregnancy. Why is it being so hard for me and so many other people are doing it so effortlessly?"
I think the answer behind that lies within the kind of work that I do.
I had to keep reminding myself that I do therapy with autistic children, many of them are considered severely autistic. I had been coming home crying because I was getting kicked and punched by the children I work with, which wasn't anything new, but it was pushing me over the edge to where I just didn't feel capable anymore.
The reason I wasn't feeling capable was because I was so tired. I was doing day after day 9 hours of therapy with these kids and it was making me exhausted. My body wasn't being able to keep up with the kind of service I was needing to provide the kids I work with.
I absolutely adore all of the children that I work with. However, they get mad because I make them do hard things. And when they get mad it's as unpredictable as a slap across the face or head butting my stomach.
But they NEED to be challenged so they can grow. I love seeing them learn and become better! I wouldn't change any of the physical altercations I've experienced for the amount of progress I've seen in all of my kids.
That being said, I had to face reality. The reality is that I'm an ever growing pregnant woman who needs to take care of herself. Really, I need to take care of my baby and give myself enough rest for her to grow and be healthy too.
So there's my long explanation of why I felt guilty cutting down on working, but why it needed to be done. I have been so comatose the past couple of weeks as I've worked the long days that I have. It'll be really nice to actually be able to rest now.
When I mentioned all of the reasons for guilt I said how I haven't been sick this whole pregnancy and that makes me feel guilty. Really, it truly makes me feel bad when I talk to people about it. It makes me feel like I have a permanent target on my back that says: "If this girl complains about anything pregnancy related she is to be ignored and dismissed because she has not had it hard at all! No complaining. No weaknesses."
I felt like cutting back on working made me look weak and that's not okay.
I guess I just needed to step out of junior high and stop worrying about what other people think. My husband still thinks I'm cool so that's all that matters, right??? (He was actually the one who said I shouldn't be working so many hours and gave me the idea to cut back.....he's the reasonable one in our relationship, which is probably blaringly obvious!)
In the end, I don't feel guilty anymore. I feel good about what the next couple of months are going to look like. I feel like I'll be able to get enough rest which will translate into feeling more capable at my job.
Feeling guilty doesn't hurt anybody but yourself, really. Like, I said, it's a vicious cycle. Nobody else was or is feeling any kind of remorse from the decision I made, so why should I feel that way? That just keeps me feeling down and that's not what I need.
I really am so blessed to be married to Jeff. Like I said, he's the reasonable one, and it helps me immensely! Sometimes I wonder how I even coped or made decisions before I knew him. I probably didn't do any of that very gracefully before, but now I love how he can help me feel confident and good about the things I do.
(And here you thought I was going to make it through this post without some solid Jeff phrase. Like that was going to happen....)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)