It's weird reading the past. (past conversations, posts, texts, emails, thoughts)
It's strange how when you're in the moment and living life at the second it's happening...you react a lot differently than you would in hindsight.
Sometimes I wish I was a smarter person. Ha ha ha...I know that sounds like I think I'm stupid...
I don't think I'm "stupid" I just think I have a lot to learn about life still.
I'm a chronic apologizer.
I think sometimes that drives people nuts.
Sorry....
Oh snap.
One line paragraphs.
Hmmmmmm.....
The GREAT thing about life is there are always chances to improve.
The HORRIBLE thing about life is....there are always chances to improve.
<3
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Layton High with pride we sing thy name!
I've been reminiscing on things from high school lately because my sister is approaching the end of her junior year.......(she's going to be a senior...how nuts is that?? I'm not THAT old!!?) and she's been having a hard time with some things lately surrounding that whole....being in high school thing. Ha ha :)
The reason I laugh is because I would never want to go back to high school. Don't get me wrong! It's a great...more than great memory and I learned more about life from high school than actual academic knowledge, but that's a different story. I loved being in the musicals, in Lite Team (*tear* Love my Lite Team friends), and football my senior year was FABULOUS! There were so many good things that happened during high school....but why beat a good thing to death? That's why it's good as a memory.
However....there were also many hard times during high school.
The majority of the hard things surrounded my friends. That's usually how it is, huh? Ha ha.
I had two best friends....ironic because my sister does too....and so much drama happened with them, it's dizzy to think about now.
Pause....so my sister is a cutie. She seems to be the same kind of friend that I was in high school. Always right in the middle of everything. People usually aren't mad at her, but mad with each other and consequently she's in the middle and gets all the wrath anyways. That's how I was through high school....and boy it got old by the time I was a senior.
My sister and her friends have tried out for the Productions Company every year through high school (I did this too back in the day). My sister's best friend made it into Productions recently and will be in it for their senior year. However, my sister didn't make it.
I tried out every year and looking back at it I don't really know why I did? Ha ha. I was never really meant to be in the spotlight and I never really wanted to be. Apparently I had some vain hope in the back of my head or something? But, still, I know that it's lame to be rejected over and over and over....
So....things might change for my sister in the next year or so. This best friend that made it into Productions will be off doing her thing and they already had a guy BFF that's been in Productions since his sophomore year....which leaves my sister and one other girl kind of to themselves. I mean....obviously we could hope that they will all still be tight and what not....but the future is very uncertain...and my sister has been having a hard time with it lately.
During high school, like I said...I had two best friends. It was kind of strange (and y'all are gonna think I'm vain, however it's honest vanity), but they both really loved being around me during sophomore year and wanted to claim me as their "best friend". They kind of....couldn't really stand each OTHER, but they clung to me because they liked me.
This obviously created some riffs because well....jealousy....*other angry emotions*.
Life is constantly changing.
My parents got divorced when I was in my junior year and this also created some unnecessary drama. When things like divorces or deaths or just...hard things happen...friends usually don't know how to react.
I was depressed from the divorce and kind of wanted to be left alone about it. I wanted to be AROUND people and I wanted to still like....yeah know...talk to people and try to be happy, but my best friends looked at me like my face was a glass bowl that may completely shatter at any minute all the time when I was around them. *Warning: Handle with care, Amber may break down at any moment!*
I didn't want them to treat me differently or like THAT....I just wanted normalcy! I don't blame them...I probably wouldn't know how to act either, but...well...what can ya do? Can't go back now.
Another thing that really created horribleness between my friends and I was boy drama. Oh ho ho ho....snap.
To make some horrific stories short....my friendships with both of my best friends ended because of boys.
My one best friend started dating my ex-boyfriend and they hid the fact that they were dating for about 6 months (even though I knew)...so between that span of time they (the friend and the ex-boyfriend) went from being around me all the time and being happy to avoiding my presence and not talking to me most of the time.
The other best friend and I....well...*sigh* we had a long history of fights about boys. However, I dated a guy that was leaving on his mission (he was 2 years older than me) and after we had a pretty gnarly break up that involved our families having a very unpleasant intervention type deal...my best friend "sided" with the boyfriend and continued to talk to him.
Thus, in the end....the end- my senior year of high school, I was left with very few friends. I was actually rather lonely that year. I ended up eating lunch alone most days out in my car like a loser. Yeah, I know....lame, huh? I remember crying a lot and thinking....I have always had SO many friends and now I have nobody to even sit with for a half hour?
So since all of this happened to me.....I can sympathize with my little sister. :( High school is rough. It takes friends and rips them apart most of the time. There is so much drama that happens in high school....I have been so relieved to have new best friends and be much happier in college.
I kind of made my best friends sound like the enemies here, huh? Ha ha. Well, friendship goes two ways, man. I'm not trying to make it sound like they single-handedly destroyed my senior year of high school. That's not fair. Or true.
As I've said so many times before...people are put in our paths for a reason at the time they are meant to be there.
My senior year was the year I really started going to the temple a lot. There is so much solace in the temple! There truly is.
You know that one quote...When life gets too hard to stand, kneel. ??? Well, my motto is, when life gets too complicated, confusing, lame, sad, maddening, busy, frustrating, go to the temple. The temple can cure any sadness....dull any confusion...and if it doesn't...then you need the turn on the spirit more!
I guess in conclusion, I just want to say that in hindsight I'm glad trials happen. High school was a trial sometimes...but it was good that it happened. I hope the best scenario possible happens for my sister. It's hard looking at someone going through something similar to your own experience and knowing that they really are the only ones that can help themselves.
The reason I laugh is because I would never want to go back to high school. Don't get me wrong! It's a great...more than great memory and I learned more about life from high school than actual academic knowledge, but that's a different story. I loved being in the musicals, in Lite Team (*tear* Love my Lite Team friends), and football my senior year was FABULOUS! There were so many good things that happened during high school....but why beat a good thing to death? That's why it's good as a memory.
However....there were also many hard times during high school.
The majority of the hard things surrounded my friends. That's usually how it is, huh? Ha ha.
I had two best friends....ironic because my sister does too....and so much drama happened with them, it's dizzy to think about now.
Pause....so my sister is a cutie. She seems to be the same kind of friend that I was in high school. Always right in the middle of everything. People usually aren't mad at her, but mad with each other and consequently she's in the middle and gets all the wrath anyways. That's how I was through high school....and boy it got old by the time I was a senior.
My sister and her friends have tried out for the Productions Company every year through high school (I did this too back in the day). My sister's best friend made it into Productions recently and will be in it for their senior year. However, my sister didn't make it.
I tried out every year and looking back at it I don't really know why I did? Ha ha. I was never really meant to be in the spotlight and I never really wanted to be. Apparently I had some vain hope in the back of my head or something? But, still, I know that it's lame to be rejected over and over and over....
So....things might change for my sister in the next year or so. This best friend that made it into Productions will be off doing her thing and they already had a guy BFF that's been in Productions since his sophomore year....which leaves my sister and one other girl kind of to themselves. I mean....obviously we could hope that they will all still be tight and what not....but the future is very uncertain...and my sister has been having a hard time with it lately.
During high school, like I said...I had two best friends. It was kind of strange (and y'all are gonna think I'm vain, however it's honest vanity), but they both really loved being around me during sophomore year and wanted to claim me as their "best friend". They kind of....couldn't really stand each OTHER, but they clung to me because they liked me.
This obviously created some riffs because well....jealousy....*other angry emotions*.
Life is constantly changing.
My parents got divorced when I was in my junior year and this also created some unnecessary drama. When things like divorces or deaths or just...hard things happen...friends usually don't know how to react.
I was depressed from the divorce and kind of wanted to be left alone about it. I wanted to be AROUND people and I wanted to still like....yeah know...talk to people and try to be happy, but my best friends looked at me like my face was a glass bowl that may completely shatter at any minute all the time when I was around them. *Warning: Handle with care, Amber may break down at any moment!*
I didn't want them to treat me differently or like THAT....I just wanted normalcy! I don't blame them...I probably wouldn't know how to act either, but...well...what can ya do? Can't go back now.
Another thing that really created horribleness between my friends and I was boy drama. Oh ho ho ho....snap.
To make some horrific stories short....my friendships with both of my best friends ended because of boys.
My one best friend started dating my ex-boyfriend and they hid the fact that they were dating for about 6 months (even though I knew)...so between that span of time they (the friend and the ex-boyfriend) went from being around me all the time and being happy to avoiding my presence and not talking to me most of the time.
The other best friend and I....well...*sigh* we had a long history of fights about boys. However, I dated a guy that was leaving on his mission (he was 2 years older than me) and after we had a pretty gnarly break up that involved our families having a very unpleasant intervention type deal...my best friend "sided" with the boyfriend and continued to talk to him.
Thus, in the end....the end- my senior year of high school, I was left with very few friends. I was actually rather lonely that year. I ended up eating lunch alone most days out in my car like a loser. Yeah, I know....lame, huh? I remember crying a lot and thinking....I have always had SO many friends and now I have nobody to even sit with for a half hour?
So since all of this happened to me.....I can sympathize with my little sister. :( High school is rough. It takes friends and rips them apart most of the time. There is so much drama that happens in high school....I have been so relieved to have new best friends and be much happier in college.
I kind of made my best friends sound like the enemies here, huh? Ha ha. Well, friendship goes two ways, man. I'm not trying to make it sound like they single-handedly destroyed my senior year of high school. That's not fair. Or true.
As I've said so many times before...people are put in our paths for a reason at the time they are meant to be there.
My senior year was the year I really started going to the temple a lot. There is so much solace in the temple! There truly is.
You know that one quote...When life gets too hard to stand, kneel. ??? Well, my motto is, when life gets too complicated, confusing, lame, sad, maddening, busy, frustrating, go to the temple. The temple can cure any sadness....dull any confusion...and if it doesn't...then you need the turn on the spirit more!
I guess in conclusion, I just want to say that in hindsight I'm glad trials happen. High school was a trial sometimes...but it was good that it happened. I hope the best scenario possible happens for my sister. It's hard looking at someone going through something similar to your own experience and knowing that they really are the only ones that can help themselves.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Dear Blog...
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.....
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height! My soooooul can reach when feeling out of sight! For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of everydays....most quiet need by sun and candlelight.
Ha ha, I memorized that poem in 9th grade...and for some reason I still know it. (well, that's about a fourth of it...) That poem describes the magnitude in which I love my blog, I s'pose.
Blogs are marvelous. I have no idea why I haven't had one for years!! Probably because I'm still maturing and I would look at posts from years ago and feel very eek-ish about myself......
(Eek-ish is sooooo a word)
Well, today's blog post is being prompted by good friends. I have wonderful friends, have I mentioned that before? Well, I do. Like....high quality, top notch friends. I honestly don't know what I did to deserve them, but God has really given me wonderful examples and strong friends.
My one friend and I have been having some issues identifying why a certain boy acts the way he does lately. (ha ha ha ha ha ha....I'm laughing out loud as I type this...) Oh man....he just? Well, boys are confusing sometimes.
My friend tells me all the time that I should be a psychology major because I can figure people out so well and I just....observe people....a lot. I'm not a stalker (don't look at me like that!), but I, uh, just like knowing about people! That's why Facebook is such a lovely tool! It's a brilliant tool!
Anyways, this man (the boys our age aren't really "boys" anymore)....this man is confusing. And not even my UBER analytical brain (*cough*) can figure him out!
There are actually quite a few "men" in our ward (this kid is in our ward) that have characteristics like this gentleman. Characteristics which include being all nice and cheery one time we talk to them and then kind of walk away-ish the next time we talk.
This particular guy is actually quite cocky (may I be struck down by lightning from judging...), but get's a little nervous through the cockiness as he talks sometimes. That leads me to believe that he's actually quite insecure.
I hate that........the whole cocky thing. Girls like nice guys...and usually fall for cocky guys when they are desperate. (oh burn)
I kind of feel like there isn't really anything to be cocky about in life. Yeah, I'm sure there are certain areas of interest that people are smarter at than others and so naturally they would be able to talk about said things more fluidly....but in general terms...if a girl can automatically tell that a guy is show off-ish about even mundane things...that's a turn off.
The reason why my friend and I are sooo.....frazzled by this man is because we can kind of see through his cocky armour. We wish we could actually be friends with this guy cause he has potential to be wonderful (our definition of wonderful).
I guess we'll just have to continue to figure him out???
I know from the past couple of years of my growing up experience that God always puts the right people in our lives at the right time. As strange as this sounds...sometimes when friendships don't work out for me I just look at it as God not wanting me to have that person in my life.
I've had many a friend type situation with guys and potential dates with guys that never really work out and to me that's God's timing working and Him telling me that I'm on a different path in life.
I tend to get really caught up in the friends that I have. Or the boyfriends that I have! I find a guy that likes me and I'm all about making the relationship flourish much faster than it should, probably. So in many ways I can recognize how God would keep me away from developing such close relationships with people that it would never "work out" with.
I'm obviously not saying that I'm going to seriously date every boy that....happens along my path of close friendship, however. I just mean that I know my Heavenly Father is looking out for me.
I'm also truly blessed to have the close girl friends that I have. I have two friends in particular that are so considerate and care about me.
I'm kind of strange and even though all of my friends are busy college people and some of them live far away and such I still like to check up on my friends very often because....well...I care about them!.......and it's kind of sad to me because some of my cute friends that I used to be so close to only ever really talk about themselves when I try talking to them.
Which leads me to this quote....
“A boar talks about himself, a gossiper talks about others, a brilliant conversationalist talks about YOU!”
Dang true, man.....
And for the most part that's why I just let them talk about themselves... because I want to be there for them.
However, two of my best friends are very good at always/daily asking me about what's going on in MY life and I truly do appreciate that from them. It's a very Christ-like quality to have!
On the flip side I think that's a really important quality to have a in a relationship/marriage. I would certainly hope that my husband wants to know how things are going in my life everyday, ha ha! No, but seriously. I think communication is a huge thing to have in a relationship and it seems like a lot of guys shut down with open communication now-a-days.
There are a lot of HONEST guys....honest is good...but there is a difference between honest and openly communicating. Honesty is more of an opinion thing. Open communication is an expressing emotions kind of thing. Both important...yet very different.
I know I talk about my ex-boyfriend a lot.....probably because it was so recent (?), but that's one thing that I figured out about life through him. He was a very honest person which I loved and was really happy with, but he didn't like to openly express how he felt about things and that really got to me.
I'm such an open person. There is very little I wouldn't tell someone if they asked me.....which probably isn't the best quality to have sometimes. Maybe being a little more reserved is a good thing.
In the end, I'm just grateful for my best friends that allow me to tell them every last thought that comes to my over analytical brain. (maybe that means my blog is becoming one of my best friends...?)
I'm grateful for so many things today. Sundays make me so happy! They give me a renewed faith that fills my heart and helps me get on with the week. Today I'm especially grateful for my Savior. I know that He lives and I know He's pleased with us when we serve Him and serve those around us.
I'm SO excited for summer!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha! I really have nothing to do this summer except work, but that makes me overjoyed! :) It means I'll have more time to go to the temple which makes me very happy.
I might do some temple trips (Temple trip = going to a temple that isn't Ogden or Bountiful) this summer and try to visit all the lovely Utah temples that I can. I'll at least try to get Provo, I think. That's one I've been meaning to go to for a couple of years...so I just need to do it. I really want to go to Mount Timpanogos again too. I've only been to it once, but it has the prettiest blue stained glass windows. I really need to go there again and take pictures.
Well, in conclusion, I'm grateful for life....although I don't understand it or the things (people are things) in it sometimes.
To end where I started....
....I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love with a passion put to use. In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose. With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life! And if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height! My soooooul can reach when feeling out of sight! For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of everydays....most quiet need by sun and candlelight.
Ha ha, I memorized that poem in 9th grade...and for some reason I still know it. (well, that's about a fourth of it...) That poem describes the magnitude in which I love my blog, I s'pose.
Blogs are marvelous. I have no idea why I haven't had one for years!! Probably because I'm still maturing and I would look at posts from years ago and feel very eek-ish about myself......
(Eek-ish is sooooo a word)
Well, today's blog post is being prompted by good friends. I have wonderful friends, have I mentioned that before? Well, I do. Like....high quality, top notch friends. I honestly don't know what I did to deserve them, but God has really given me wonderful examples and strong friends.
My one friend and I have been having some issues identifying why a certain boy acts the way he does lately. (ha ha ha ha ha ha....I'm laughing out loud as I type this...) Oh man....he just? Well, boys are confusing sometimes.
My friend tells me all the time that I should be a psychology major because I can figure people out so well and I just....observe people....a lot. I'm not a stalker (don't look at me like that!), but I, uh, just like knowing about people! That's why Facebook is such a lovely tool! It's a brilliant tool!
Anyways, this man (the boys our age aren't really "boys" anymore)....this man is confusing. And not even my UBER analytical brain (*cough*) can figure him out!
There are actually quite a few "men" in our ward (this kid is in our ward) that have characteristics like this gentleman. Characteristics which include being all nice and cheery one time we talk to them and then kind of walk away-ish the next time we talk.
This particular guy is actually quite cocky (may I be struck down by lightning from judging...), but get's a little nervous through the cockiness as he talks sometimes. That leads me to believe that he's actually quite insecure.
I hate that........the whole cocky thing. Girls like nice guys...and usually fall for cocky guys when they are desperate. (oh burn)
I kind of feel like there isn't really anything to be cocky about in life. Yeah, I'm sure there are certain areas of interest that people are smarter at than others and so naturally they would be able to talk about said things more fluidly....but in general terms...if a girl can automatically tell that a guy is show off-ish about even mundane things...that's a turn off.
The reason why my friend and I are sooo.....frazzled by this man is because we can kind of see through his cocky armour. We wish we could actually be friends with this guy cause he has potential to be wonderful (our definition of wonderful).
I guess we'll just have to continue to figure him out???
I know from the past couple of years of my growing up experience that God always puts the right people in our lives at the right time. As strange as this sounds...sometimes when friendships don't work out for me I just look at it as God not wanting me to have that person in my life.
I've had many a friend type situation with guys and potential dates with guys that never really work out and to me that's God's timing working and Him telling me that I'm on a different path in life.
I tend to get really caught up in the friends that I have. Or the boyfriends that I have! I find a guy that likes me and I'm all about making the relationship flourish much faster than it should, probably. So in many ways I can recognize how God would keep me away from developing such close relationships with people that it would never "work out" with.
I'm obviously not saying that I'm going to seriously date every boy that....happens along my path of close friendship, however. I just mean that I know my Heavenly Father is looking out for me.
I'm also truly blessed to have the close girl friends that I have. I have two friends in particular that are so considerate and care about me.
I'm kind of strange and even though all of my friends are busy college people and some of them live far away and such I still like to check up on my friends very often because....well...I care about them!.......and it's kind of sad to me because some of my cute friends that I used to be so close to only ever really talk about themselves when I try talking to them.
Which leads me to this quote....
“A boar talks about himself, a gossiper talks about others, a brilliant conversationalist talks about YOU!”
Dang true, man.....
And for the most part that's why I just let them talk about themselves... because I want to be there for them.
However, two of my best friends are very good at always/daily asking me about what's going on in MY life and I truly do appreciate that from them. It's a very Christ-like quality to have!
On the flip side I think that's a really important quality to have a in a relationship/marriage. I would certainly hope that my husband wants to know how things are going in my life everyday, ha ha! No, but seriously. I think communication is a huge thing to have in a relationship and it seems like a lot of guys shut down with open communication now-a-days.
There are a lot of HONEST guys....honest is good...but there is a difference between honest and openly communicating. Honesty is more of an opinion thing. Open communication is an expressing emotions kind of thing. Both important...yet very different.
I know I talk about my ex-boyfriend a lot.....probably because it was so recent (?), but that's one thing that I figured out about life through him. He was a very honest person which I loved and was really happy with, but he didn't like to openly express how he felt about things and that really got to me.
I'm such an open person. There is very little I wouldn't tell someone if they asked me.....which probably isn't the best quality to have sometimes. Maybe being a little more reserved is a good thing.
In the end, I'm just grateful for my best friends that allow me to tell them every last thought that comes to my over analytical brain. (maybe that means my blog is becoming one of my best friends...?)
I'm grateful for so many things today. Sundays make me so happy! They give me a renewed faith that fills my heart and helps me get on with the week. Today I'm especially grateful for my Savior. I know that He lives and I know He's pleased with us when we serve Him and serve those around us.
I'm SO excited for summer!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha! I really have nothing to do this summer except work, but that makes me overjoyed! :) It means I'll have more time to go to the temple which makes me very happy.
I might do some temple trips (Temple trip = going to a temple that isn't Ogden or Bountiful) this summer and try to visit all the lovely Utah temples that I can. I'll at least try to get Provo, I think. That's one I've been meaning to go to for a couple of years...so I just need to do it. I really want to go to Mount Timpanogos again too. I've only been to it once, but it has the prettiest blue stained glass windows. I really need to go there again and take pictures.
Well, in conclusion, I'm grateful for life....although I don't understand it or the things (people are things) in it sometimes.
To end where I started....
....I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love with a passion put to use. In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose. With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life! And if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Doorknobs
One might ask what doorknobs have to do with anything? Yeah. I'm asking myself that too.
I told my BFF (I'm really hip to the jive and I use cool lingo like "BFF") that I wanted to blog and asked her what it should be about and well.....she said "doorknobs" so good heck that's what I'm writing about!
My mind is full of so much goodness and patches of confusion right now. I would try spelling out what's on my brain....but I know it wouldn't make any sense! Ha ha!
The one thing I DO want to say about doorknobs though is I know that when one door closes, another door always opens. If you don't believe that....well...that's because you're not looking at life very critically. You're not looking at all of the small blessings that are awarded you everyday!
That, or you're not willing to turn the knob of said door and let the happiness in!
No matter your situation in life........and we live in a depressing world so most people can admit there is at least 2 or 3 or 27 things wrong with their lives......there is always the constant blessing and happiness of having a Savior.
I know that my Redeemer lives.
Amidst all the confusion patches upon my frontal cortex I can always find joy in knowing Christ knows what's best for me. He suffered and died for me and knows how I feel. Granted, I usually am happy even through my confusion....Christ clears up that confusion.
He lives all glory to His name. He lives my Savior still the same....oh sweet the joy this sentence gives...I know that my Redeemer lives.
I told my BFF (I'm really hip to the jive and I use cool lingo like "BFF") that I wanted to blog and asked her what it should be about and well.....she said "doorknobs" so good heck that's what I'm writing about!
My mind is full of so much goodness and patches of confusion right now. I would try spelling out what's on my brain....but I know it wouldn't make any sense! Ha ha!
The one thing I DO want to say about doorknobs though is I know that when one door closes, another door always opens. If you don't believe that....well...that's because you're not looking at life very critically. You're not looking at all of the small blessings that are awarded you everyday!
That, or you're not willing to turn the knob of said door and let the happiness in!
No matter your situation in life........and we live in a depressing world so most people can admit there is at least 2 or 3 or 27 things wrong with their lives......there is always the constant blessing and happiness of having a Savior.
I know that my Redeemer lives.
Amidst all the confusion patches upon my frontal cortex I can always find joy in knowing Christ knows what's best for me. He suffered and died for me and knows how I feel. Granted, I usually am happy even through my confusion....Christ clears up that confusion.
He lives all glory to His name. He lives my Savior still the same....oh sweet the joy this sentence gives...I know that my Redeemer lives.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
The ever changing life...
Change.
Change is so inevitable, SOMETIMES drastic, annoying, surprising, enlightening, wonderful........but for the most part it's always steady and strong.
My life has changed so much over the past 5 years or so from when I started high school and had all these ideals of what life was supposed to be like. It's changed even MORE in the past 2 years during college. I constantly have to remind myself that I'm 2 years into college...because if I don't then I just assume I'm still "starting my life" meaning I'm still 18 and graduating from high school...moving up in the world...all that good stuff.
I went from graduating high school, knowing what university I wanted to go to...determined that I would graduate from said university...hoping to make a mark on the world...to....
Going to that wonderful university for a year and growing up a lot! Wow. Living away from home was such a different experience. I would have never made it without Sarah. We ended up off campus because on campus housing was just way too...."restrictive" for us....OoOoOo...and it's funny how looking back at it, I would have done it differently.
Our roommates were a couple of years older than us and well....they were just crazy! Vodka in the freezer, boyfriends in the bedrooms....I grew up a lot that year.
Going from a mom who did laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, everything for me to being four hours away and the only thing she really could do was transfer money to my debit card, like I said, I grew up.
Thus, nothing ever turns out like you plan. I wanted to go to college....stay there....make friends (I didn't need TONS of friends...just ya know....some)...graduate early...things were going to be great!
I honestly would never trade that year that I had at SUU for anything. I DID make lots of friends! However, instead of making the few really close friends that I wanted, I made lots of friends that I was more loosely connected with.
Well, plans don't usually work out unless God wants it to.....and all of my SUU plans were dashed the day I found out I wasn't getting the scholarship that paid for ALL my tuition and school expenses.
I was sitting in the parking lot of my job (I worked at Iron Springs Elementary as a reading tutor) and I just prayed....I asked Heavenly Father what I was supposed to do. I had made all these plans...I was on track and I was going to graduate at least a semester early if not a full year early...I was so excited...I loved SUU...how was I going to keep living away from home without this money I needed?
Like I said....our plans only work out when God wants it to and He didn't want me there anymore. As I prayed I had this shattering feeling that I needed to move home and go to Weber. My brain said.......Excuse me, Spirit, that's NOT even on the menu of things that should ever happen to me!! What about my plans? I love it down here! ....and as strange as this sounds....one of the big concerns I had was....I'm not going to be able to go to the St. George Temple anymore? That BROKE my heart....I've had boyfriends break my heart plenty of times, but that just.....that temple was my home. I got to know God and my Savior so much from that year going to St. George every Thursday...more so than I ever have.
So as my brain was being resistant....my heart and my tears told me that it was God's will and I needed to do it.....move home.
*shrugs* So here I am! I've done a year at Weber and well....things are still changing! I've seen many blessings from moving home and I know that it truly was the will of the Lord that I did.
I started the year at Weber....had everything planned out (do you like how I keep using the word "plan"?) I was going to graduate on time...maybe not a year ahead...but I had to let that dream go...I was on time and things looked good.
Well....life changes.
Kyle came into my life and my plans changed. Everything in life started changing to "well, I'm going to get my bachelors from Weber and stay in Utah for the rest of forever" to..."well, I want to get my associates soon and then hopefully move to Washington to be with Kyle."
He was the first guy I had ever really considered actually marrying. I had had plenty of boyfriends in high school and that was all good and dandy, but you can't....get married in high school? Crazy! However, I could have married Kyle....he had a good job and was graduated from college and it seemed so perfect without going into mushy detail.
Our plans usually do seem perfect at least for a little while, right?
Well......once again, our plans don't work out unless God wants them to.
Kyle helped me realize a lot of important things about life. He helped me realize how he and I actually shouldn't get married....which threw away my "plans" and all of my immature/what I thought was being mature girly hopes...
He helped me understand (although he has no idea he did this...) that I actually shouldn't make plans for life. At least not in the concrete, strange fashion that I do. He helped me understand myself better and as cheesy as this sounds....he'll always be one of my greatest most cherished friends for that. I may never get to tell him that....nor would he admit it...but I guess I can just be happy knowing it for myself.
I've learned a lot about the eternal perspective because of Kyle. In the end that's what really matters is where we are going in life. God knows where we are going and sometimes we make roadblocks for ourselves that God has to knock down and say....Stay on the path, you fool!
I'm sure Heavenly Father would never call me a fool....He's far too nice for that....but you get my point. :)
I'm also a believer that there are times when Heavenly Father gives us these roadblocks to show us what we really need.
If I could go back and redo some things in life one of the things I would change would be that Kyle and I hadn't dated and that I could have learned what I did from him as a friend. However....I KNOW that Heavenly Father placed Kyle in my life at the time that He did for a reason. I needed to learn all of the things that I did and I needed that humbling experience NOW in my life.
Without that experience I wouldn't have been able to take a step back and see myself in a different light.
I'm still so new to this whole "real life" thing even though with Kyle I was ready to jump into it and become an old married woman and not look back. Well...I'm glad I CAN look back. I'm glad I can see mistakes that I make along the way and try to be better.
I have so many opportunities ahead of me.
I could sit here and make more plans...........which because of my perfectionist mind I automatically do on a daily basis...........but I'm trying not to as much as possible.
Looking at the past two years with all the changes in schooling, friends that have come in and out of my life faster than I can blink, relationships that have broke me down and built me back up....things just change so much and we never even ask for it to happen...but it does. It just does.
People keep asking me about my life....what I might be doing in the next little while and the word I keep using is "potientially". I could potientially go on a mission. I could potientially get my associates and well....then keep going to Weber. I could potientially transfer to Utah State to get my degree in Communication Disorders. I could potientially get a boyfriend who might want to marry me in a year or so.
Although my life has a lot of "potiential" it's still confusing. The only thing left to do is to have faith that everything will go according to God's plan. Because His plan IS perfect even though we aren't.
I know that one of the greatest things I can do to help make my life a little more clear is to serve. I guess that's why going on a mission is at the top of my list.
I went to a fireside tonight where a man who is the executive director of Catholic Community Services spoke and he talked to us about how he helped refugee victims from all over the world. It's such a humbling thing to see people that are so selfless and giving. I want to be more like that.
In his talk he said "There is great security in spirituality, and you can't have spirituality without service." I really liked that.
So, I guess right now the "plan" is to serve. That might just be doorbell ditching......but I guess that's better than nothing, right??
Stay tuned to see if it goes deeper than doorbell ditching in the future..... :) Ha ha ha!
Because I have been given much I to must give....because of Thy great bounty Lord each day I live. I shall divide my gifts from Thee with every brother that I see...who has the need of help from me?
Change is so inevitable, SOMETIMES drastic, annoying, surprising, enlightening, wonderful........but for the most part it's always steady and strong.
My life has changed so much over the past 5 years or so from when I started high school and had all these ideals of what life was supposed to be like. It's changed even MORE in the past 2 years during college. I constantly have to remind myself that I'm 2 years into college...because if I don't then I just assume I'm still "starting my life" meaning I'm still 18 and graduating from high school...moving up in the world...all that good stuff.
I went from graduating high school, knowing what university I wanted to go to...determined that I would graduate from said university...hoping to make a mark on the world...to....
Going to that wonderful university for a year and growing up a lot! Wow. Living away from home was such a different experience. I would have never made it without Sarah. We ended up off campus because on campus housing was just way too...."restrictive" for us....OoOoOo...and it's funny how looking back at it, I would have done it differently.
Our roommates were a couple of years older than us and well....they were just crazy! Vodka in the freezer, boyfriends in the bedrooms....I grew up a lot that year.
Going from a mom who did laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, everything for me to being four hours away and the only thing she really could do was transfer money to my debit card, like I said, I grew up.
Thus, nothing ever turns out like you plan. I wanted to go to college....stay there....make friends (I didn't need TONS of friends...just ya know....some)...graduate early...things were going to be great!
I honestly would never trade that year that I had at SUU for anything. I DID make lots of friends! However, instead of making the few really close friends that I wanted, I made lots of friends that I was more loosely connected with.
Well, plans don't usually work out unless God wants it to.....and all of my SUU plans were dashed the day I found out I wasn't getting the scholarship that paid for ALL my tuition and school expenses.
I was sitting in the parking lot of my job (I worked at Iron Springs Elementary as a reading tutor) and I just prayed....I asked Heavenly Father what I was supposed to do. I had made all these plans...I was on track and I was going to graduate at least a semester early if not a full year early...I was so excited...I loved SUU...how was I going to keep living away from home without this money I needed?
Like I said....our plans only work out when God wants it to and He didn't want me there anymore. As I prayed I had this shattering feeling that I needed to move home and go to Weber. My brain said.......Excuse me, Spirit, that's NOT even on the menu of things that should ever happen to me!! What about my plans? I love it down here! ....and as strange as this sounds....one of the big concerns I had was....I'm not going to be able to go to the St. George Temple anymore? That BROKE my heart....I've had boyfriends break my heart plenty of times, but that just.....that temple was my home. I got to know God and my Savior so much from that year going to St. George every Thursday...more so than I ever have.
So as my brain was being resistant....my heart and my tears told me that it was God's will and I needed to do it.....move home.
*shrugs* So here I am! I've done a year at Weber and well....things are still changing! I've seen many blessings from moving home and I know that it truly was the will of the Lord that I did.
I started the year at Weber....had everything planned out (do you like how I keep using the word "plan"?) I was going to graduate on time...maybe not a year ahead...but I had to let that dream go...I was on time and things looked good.
Well....life changes.
Kyle came into my life and my plans changed. Everything in life started changing to "well, I'm going to get my bachelors from Weber and stay in Utah for the rest of forever" to..."well, I want to get my associates soon and then hopefully move to Washington to be with Kyle."
He was the first guy I had ever really considered actually marrying. I had had plenty of boyfriends in high school and that was all good and dandy, but you can't....get married in high school? Crazy! However, I could have married Kyle....he had a good job and was graduated from college and it seemed so perfect without going into mushy detail.
Our plans usually do seem perfect at least for a little while, right?
Well......once again, our plans don't work out unless God wants them to.
Kyle helped me realize a lot of important things about life. He helped me realize how he and I actually shouldn't get married....which threw away my "plans" and all of my immature/what I thought was being mature girly hopes...
He helped me understand (although he has no idea he did this...) that I actually shouldn't make plans for life. At least not in the concrete, strange fashion that I do. He helped me understand myself better and as cheesy as this sounds....he'll always be one of my greatest most cherished friends for that. I may never get to tell him that....nor would he admit it...but I guess I can just be happy knowing it for myself.
I've learned a lot about the eternal perspective because of Kyle. In the end that's what really matters is where we are going in life. God knows where we are going and sometimes we make roadblocks for ourselves that God has to knock down and say....Stay on the path, you fool!
I'm sure Heavenly Father would never call me a fool....He's far too nice for that....but you get my point. :)
I'm also a believer that there are times when Heavenly Father gives us these roadblocks to show us what we really need.
If I could go back and redo some things in life one of the things I would change would be that Kyle and I hadn't dated and that I could have learned what I did from him as a friend. However....I KNOW that Heavenly Father placed Kyle in my life at the time that He did for a reason. I needed to learn all of the things that I did and I needed that humbling experience NOW in my life.
Without that experience I wouldn't have been able to take a step back and see myself in a different light.
I'm still so new to this whole "real life" thing even though with Kyle I was ready to jump into it and become an old married woman and not look back. Well...I'm glad I CAN look back. I'm glad I can see mistakes that I make along the way and try to be better.
I have so many opportunities ahead of me.
I could sit here and make more plans...........which because of my perfectionist mind I automatically do on a daily basis...........but I'm trying not to as much as possible.
Looking at the past two years with all the changes in schooling, friends that have come in and out of my life faster than I can blink, relationships that have broke me down and built me back up....things just change so much and we never even ask for it to happen...but it does. It just does.
People keep asking me about my life....what I might be doing in the next little while and the word I keep using is "potientially". I could potientially go on a mission. I could potientially get my associates and well....then keep going to Weber. I could potientially transfer to Utah State to get my degree in Communication Disorders. I could potientially get a boyfriend who might want to marry me in a year or so.
Although my life has a lot of "potiential" it's still confusing. The only thing left to do is to have faith that everything will go according to God's plan. Because His plan IS perfect even though we aren't.
I know that one of the greatest things I can do to help make my life a little more clear is to serve. I guess that's why going on a mission is at the top of my list.
I went to a fireside tonight where a man who is the executive director of Catholic Community Services spoke and he talked to us about how he helped refugee victims from all over the world. It's such a humbling thing to see people that are so selfless and giving. I want to be more like that.
In his talk he said "There is great security in spirituality, and you can't have spirituality without service." I really liked that.
So, I guess right now the "plan" is to serve. That might just be doorbell ditching......but I guess that's better than nothing, right??
Stay tuned to see if it goes deeper than doorbell ditching in the future..... :) Ha ha ha!
Because I have been given much I to must give....because of Thy great bounty Lord each day I live. I shall divide my gifts from Thee with every brother that I see...who has the need of help from me?
Monday, April 12, 2010
Dating
That title got you excited, huh?
(Ha ha ha)
I don't want to turn this into a rant about dating....more like just my thoughts about it. My realizations.
The world is becoming more and more technological-fied (not a real word) which makes dating, in my opinion, much more difficult. I've watched movies based on Jane Austen books with my sister (Pride and Prejudice and Emma) that were set in the 1800's and it's startling how little communication they have with their significant other while they are "courting". Maybe startling isn't the right word...because obviously they didn't have any technology such as telephones or computers like we do now so that bit of communication is completely out of the question.
I can't even go 3 HOURS without texting my boyfriend when I have one and these people in these movies go like......DAYS without talking to each other!?!? Ha ha ha ha!
Technology speeds along dating. Texting turns simple getting to know you conversations into "so how many children do you want to have?". Because of this relationships form and blossom and flourish so much faster than they used to in previous generations.
I've talked to some friends recently about my recent relationship/break up and how that ended and why and what what (yes I meant to put two whats) and one of my friends was amazed that my boyfriend and I had only dated for about two months and had already talked about getting married or that we had wanted to get married.
This is an example of what I was talking about....technology speeds things up. Technology gives us constant communication which for some of my boyfriends (aka all of my boyfriends) probably got to be annoying at some point. (ha ha)
Aside from technology, dating is just complicated. You are either REALLY with someone or REALLY not with anyone. A lot of traditional courting and dating styles have been abandoned in our society. (unless you go to BYU or Snow College)
I've only had one friend who has taken me on several dates stretched out over a period of time (and we didn't talk for several days in between, OMG!). Granted he didn't have a cell phone at the time (he's on his mission now), and we never really "dated" dated, but it was so much more traditional! He's such a gentleman and I'm sad that more situations.....NO OTHER situations like that ever happen for me or really any girls within my sphere of friends.
I've hypothesized that the reason people are either really dating or really not dating is because everyone is afraid of rejection. Everyone. You want to be loved right? I want to be loved! Or at least liked.....
I like to be liked. Don't you like to be liked?
So it's hard for people/young adults/personages to go out and then be rejected on the second or third or whatever date.
Because of this...lots of guys don't ask girls out. (Out = dinner and a movie, don't talk for several days like in Jane Austen, reunit, repeat, repeat, repeat, marriage)
Because of THAT lots of girls are emo.
Because of that that guys don't understand girls.
Because of that that that girls get frustrated with boys.
I hear a song coming on...........*It's the Circle of Liiiiiife!*
Even Simba and Nala....perfect examples of modern dating...they were separated, meet again and two minutes later into the movie it was *Can you feel the love tonight???* Where was the first kiss? I don't know....it was too hard to tell between the 2nd and the 33rd kisses. Watch that movie, you'll see what I mean.
So there is this dilemma of really dating or really not dating. My only idea or solution would be to have everyone's emotions written on their foreheads.
I feel as if that would probably do a lot more damage than good, but upon initial thought it sounds pretty wonderful! To be able to just see on a guy's face "Oh...he likes me! Good!" That'd be the ideal situation, but it seems like more often than not the situation of...."He thinks I'm gross and wishes I was blonde?" would probably happen.
Along with that, I don't think I would want people reading my thoughts or emotions. It would probably sound too much like this blog and people would never Facebook friend request me at that rate!
Another thing I find frustrating about dating is the fact that girls need to be obnoxiously flirty to get a guy to give her the time of day. I'm not a flirtatious person! I'm just......not. I've never wanted to change that either. I'm fine with what I am....and according to myself and friends and family and even past boyfriends...I'm a pretty dang cool person! (???) I'm a wonderful person!! (???) Ha ha ha, k I'll stop that....but really...there are so many nice, cute girls out there that don't date because guys are stuck oogling over *insert description of fantasy girl that all guys want*.
I feel like I have to actually grab a guy by the shoulders and tell him I like him or I'm interested in him before he's like...."Oh....ok!!"
That's lame in my opinion, but for the majority of my existence that's how it's been.
So when will this vicious dating cycle end?
A: Never.
Ha ha ha! I'm a hopeful person!
However, there is always hope in finding more boys like my wonderful missionary friend who so nicely took me on dates all traditional like. I'm grateful to know that there are, indeed, still Mr. Knightleys like him out there in the world.
I'll conclude this with the words of Michael Buble.........I Just Haven't Met You Yet!
(Ha ha ha)
I don't want to turn this into a rant about dating....more like just my thoughts about it. My realizations.
The world is becoming more and more technological-fied (not a real word) which makes dating, in my opinion, much more difficult. I've watched movies based on Jane Austen books with my sister (Pride and Prejudice and Emma) that were set in the 1800's and it's startling how little communication they have with their significant other while they are "courting". Maybe startling isn't the right word...because obviously they didn't have any technology such as telephones or computers like we do now so that bit of communication is completely out of the question.
I can't even go 3 HOURS without texting my boyfriend when I have one and these people in these movies go like......DAYS without talking to each other!?!? Ha ha ha ha!
Technology speeds along dating. Texting turns simple getting to know you conversations into "so how many children do you want to have?". Because of this relationships form and blossom and flourish so much faster than they used to in previous generations.
I've talked to some friends recently about my recent relationship/break up and how that ended and why and what what (yes I meant to put two whats) and one of my friends was amazed that my boyfriend and I had only dated for about two months and had already talked about getting married or that we had wanted to get married.
This is an example of what I was talking about....technology speeds things up. Technology gives us constant communication which for some of my boyfriends (aka all of my boyfriends) probably got to be annoying at some point. (ha ha)
Aside from technology, dating is just complicated. You are either REALLY with someone or REALLY not with anyone. A lot of traditional courting and dating styles have been abandoned in our society. (unless you go to BYU or Snow College)
I've only had one friend who has taken me on several dates stretched out over a period of time (and we didn't talk for several days in between, OMG!). Granted he didn't have a cell phone at the time (he's on his mission now), and we never really "dated" dated, but it was so much more traditional! He's such a gentleman and I'm sad that more situations.....NO OTHER situations like that ever happen for me or really any girls within my sphere of friends.
I've hypothesized that the reason people are either really dating or really not dating is because everyone is afraid of rejection. Everyone. You want to be loved right? I want to be loved! Or at least liked.....
I like to be liked. Don't you like to be liked?
So it's hard for people/young adults/personages to go out and then be rejected on the second or third or whatever date.
Because of this...lots of guys don't ask girls out. (Out = dinner and a movie, don't talk for several days like in Jane Austen, reunit, repeat, repeat, repeat, marriage)
Because of THAT lots of girls are emo.
Because of that that guys don't understand girls.
Because of that that that girls get frustrated with boys.
I hear a song coming on...........*It's the Circle of Liiiiiife!*
Even Simba and Nala....perfect examples of modern dating...they were separated, meet again and two minutes later into the movie it was *Can you feel the love tonight???* Where was the first kiss? I don't know....it was too hard to tell between the 2nd and the 33rd kisses. Watch that movie, you'll see what I mean.
So there is this dilemma of really dating or really not dating. My only idea or solution would be to have everyone's emotions written on their foreheads.
I feel as if that would probably do a lot more damage than good, but upon initial thought it sounds pretty wonderful! To be able to just see on a guy's face "Oh...he likes me! Good!" That'd be the ideal situation, but it seems like more often than not the situation of...."He thinks I'm gross and wishes I was blonde?" would probably happen.
Along with that, I don't think I would want people reading my thoughts or emotions. It would probably sound too much like this blog and people would never Facebook friend request me at that rate!
Another thing I find frustrating about dating is the fact that girls need to be obnoxiously flirty to get a guy to give her the time of day. I'm not a flirtatious person! I'm just......not. I've never wanted to change that either. I'm fine with what I am....and according to myself and friends and family and even past boyfriends...I'm a pretty dang cool person! (???) I'm a wonderful person!! (???) Ha ha ha, k I'll stop that....but really...there are so many nice, cute girls out there that don't date because guys are stuck oogling over *insert description of fantasy girl that all guys want*.
I feel like I have to actually grab a guy by the shoulders and tell him I like him or I'm interested in him before he's like...."Oh....ok!!"
That's lame in my opinion, but for the majority of my existence that's how it's been.
So when will this vicious dating cycle end?
A: Never.
Ha ha ha! I'm a hopeful person!
However, there is always hope in finding more boys like my wonderful missionary friend who so nicely took me on dates all traditional like. I'm grateful to know that there are, indeed, still Mr. Knightleys like him out there in the world.
I'll conclude this with the words of Michael Buble.........I Just Haven't Met You Yet!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Goals - Unrealistic, semi-realistic and everything in between!
I said in my first post that I'm not good at completing goals, which is true. But I have discovered something to be true about life that I can only adequately explain with this quote:
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon
Sometimes our goals don't happen because they just aren't supposed to. I consider the roadblocks in my life to all be in God's timing.
I've realized over the past couple of years that although we might find God's timing difficult and annoying, He's really just trying to show us the bigger picture and how much better life is going to be if we wait for stuff! Because of this....goals aren't accomplished sometimes and new ones are made.
For the record, the list you are about to read wasn't just randomly crafted in my head impromtu like...I've actually told myself I've wanted to do these things for quite some time, ha ha.
List of Reasonable Activities that May or May Not Happen in My Lifespan (not completed to all of my true aspirations):
(the first couple are what you would expect any girl to say)
-Get married in the temple.
-Have 3-6 children!
-Visit the British Isles with Sarah and Charlotte. I want to go to England with someone who knows it all already! Or at least can pretend to know it all...
-Serve a mission....whether that's now-ish or later-ish it doesn't really matter.
-Eat every item on the menu at Zupas. I'm obviously not planning on accomplishing this all in one day.
-Play with or at least touch a penguin.
-Continue going to the temple as often as I do.
-Actually go inside the Washington D.C. Temple.
-Go to Africa. Since it's a country. I used to have a couple of specific African countries that I'd like to visit (Morocco, Egypt, Uganda, Ghana etc.), but right now I'd take any of it! I just want to touch Africa!
-Visit every temple in Utah and do temple work there. I've done this in 10 of the 15 so far. I miss the St. George Temple...
-Ride a horse bareback.
-Live in Virginia. At least for a short amount of time just to say that I did and so I can say things like : "Back in Virginia..."
-Get a masters degree.
-Make a quilt!
-Have hardwood floors in my future home.
-Break a bone or do SOMETHING that means I need to wear a cast for at least 3 weeks. (I may regret saying this if it really happens)
-Visit Machu Pichu.
-Read the entire Old Testament.
-Climb a mountain *cue music*
-Find a good enough version of You Raise Me Up for the harp and perform it for millions (or just my children).
-Never get a perm.
-Live in a red brick house.
-Start a fire (like a camp fire....not a forest fire!) without any gasoline or matches or a lighter, ha ha!
-Get into the habit of having fresh flowers at least once a month in my house. (probably mostly during spring and summer...) (Some of my goals are kind of vague, ha ha.)
-Grow a pumpkin!
-Marry a man that will go to the temple with me every week.
-Have at least one movie type epic first kiss. First kisses are awkward usually.....
-Own a red truck.
-Get blue streaks in my hair. (I wish this could last more than a couple of weeks...but I don't think they let blue haired people into the temple.)
-Never go fake baking........eek.
-Plant a boxwood and craft it into a hedge.
-Marry a man that will let me stay at home with my children till my youngest is at least in 1st grade. I would love to go back to work after that. I'm far too ADD of a person to stay at home alone all day.
:)
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon
Sometimes our goals don't happen because they just aren't supposed to. I consider the roadblocks in my life to all be in God's timing.
I've realized over the past couple of years that although we might find God's timing difficult and annoying, He's really just trying to show us the bigger picture and how much better life is going to be if we wait for stuff! Because of this....goals aren't accomplished sometimes and new ones are made.
For the record, the list you are about to read wasn't just randomly crafted in my head impromtu like...I've actually told myself I've wanted to do these things for quite some time, ha ha.
List of Reasonable Activities that May or May Not Happen in My Lifespan (not completed to all of my true aspirations):
(the first couple are what you would expect any girl to say)
-Get married in the temple.
-Have 3-6 children!
-Visit the British Isles with Sarah and Charlotte. I want to go to England with someone who knows it all already! Or at least can pretend to know it all...
-Serve a mission....whether that's now-ish or later-ish it doesn't really matter.
-Eat every item on the menu at Zupas. I'm obviously not planning on accomplishing this all in one day.
-Play with or at least touch a penguin.
-Continue going to the temple as often as I do.
-Actually go inside the Washington D.C. Temple.
-Go to Africa. Since it's a country. I used to have a couple of specific African countries that I'd like to visit (Morocco, Egypt, Uganda, Ghana etc.), but right now I'd take any of it! I just want to touch Africa!
-Visit every temple in Utah and do temple work there. I've done this in 10 of the 15 so far. I miss the St. George Temple...
-Ride a horse bareback.
-Live in Virginia. At least for a short amount of time just to say that I did and so I can say things like : "Back in Virginia..."
-Get a masters degree.
-Make a quilt!
-Have hardwood floors in my future home.
-Break a bone or do SOMETHING that means I need to wear a cast for at least 3 weeks. (I may regret saying this if it really happens)
-Visit Machu Pichu.
-Read the entire Old Testament.
-Climb a mountain *cue music*
-Find a good enough version of You Raise Me Up for the harp and perform it for millions (or just my children).
-Never get a perm.
-Live in a red brick house.
-Start a fire (like a camp fire....not a forest fire!) without any gasoline or matches or a lighter, ha ha!
-Get into the habit of having fresh flowers at least once a month in my house. (probably mostly during spring and summer...) (Some of my goals are kind of vague, ha ha.)
-Grow a pumpkin!
-Marry a man that will go to the temple with me every week.
-Have at least one movie type epic first kiss. First kisses are awkward usually.....
-Own a red truck.
-Get blue streaks in my hair. (I wish this could last more than a couple of weeks...but I don't think they let blue haired people into the temple.)
-Never go fake baking........eek.
-Plant a boxwood and craft it into a hedge.
-Marry a man that will let me stay at home with my children till my youngest is at least in 1st grade. I would love to go back to work after that. I'm far too ADD of a person to stay at home alone all day.
:)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I must be crazy...
I never really thought I would ever get a blog.
It's funny how we do things we never think we are going to do.
My friend suggested that I get one the other day. I was reading through some old journal entries realizing I hadn't actually written in my journal since February of LAST year (whoops...) and I said to myself...well.....maybe my future posterity can read my blog instead!
The reason I named my blog "I'm Going There Someday" is because that phrase seems to be something that is constant in my life.......I'm always wanting to go SOMEWHERE. Whether it be to a restaurant (my family knows that too well), or out of state (my friends know that too well), or to many foreign countries around the world (pretty much anyone I encounter will find that out about me) I'm always wanting to go places.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately because I'm considering going on an LDS mission and part of going on a mission means you get to GO somewhere! I even started writing my "farewell" talk last night....which may or may not be completely crazy! I was feeling inspired and started typing my feelings about the whole concept of going on a mission. I won't be able to turn in my papers for about 6 more months, but it's still something to start considering!
It's kind of silly because I wrote on my Facebook that I'm thinking about going a mission and I think a lot of people are taking that from the fact that I just broke up with my boyfriend that is making me want to go. I guess saying JUST broke up isn't really true because it's been a couple of weeks, but still...it's pretty fresh, I suppose.
It makes sense to most Mormon minds... "Oh she's mad at boys so DUH she wants to go on a mission!" I'm sure they (they is a relative term) assume that I'll get out of this "emo" patch and find another boyfriend in a couple of months. Ha ha ha...well, I'm not THAT vain, I wouldn't say I want to go on a mission if I was just bitter about life.
When Kyle and I broke up it kind of...I guess WOKE me up to lots of things. One of those main things was that I have so much more growing up to do! You think you understand yourself and then you get humbled by trials.
I've felt very humbled the past couple of weeks, that's for sure! I know that serving a mission would help me with that whole "growing up" thing. :) I've also always been a believer that if I'm going to raise sons (or daughters!) to go on missions then I should know how to help them reach that goal!
The other day I went to my institute's devotional they have on Tuesdays and the speaker said that everything in our lives should be centered around Christ and if we do that, it will bless us.
Our homes, our jobs, our schooling, our relationships, etc.
I found that to be very true. I know from experiences with past boyfriends that if the relationship isn't centered around Christ then it won't work out. I can probably blame some of that on the maturity levels of some of my relationships (since the majority of them were in high school), but I know that in the future the right relationship and the right person will center our relationship and marriage around Christ. That's a great goal to strive for, I think, and one that isn't easily attained. That's why going on a mission would greatly help me.
As of right now I'll just have to wait and see if that call from the Prophet comes and I can actually say I'm going somewhere for once! (you'll learn that I don't actually get to go to many of the places I say I want to go...)
Another thing I want to say in this first post is my testimony of the temple. I know just reading the title of this blog "I'm going there someday..." makes everyone think of the primary song "I love to see the temple...I'm going there someday!" Well, that's one of the main reasons I chose that title!
I love the temple.
I don't really know how to put it in words. The temple is a selfless place where selfish people like I can go and serve and try to be better.
Elder Richard G. Scott, a couple of conferences ago, spoke about the temple and told the members of the church that he had gone to the temple EVERY week faithfully for the past 14 years of his life. General authorities travel a lot so he added on to that by saying that for the times he had missed a week, he made up for it by going several times in other weeks. (ha ha, I love apostles)
I don't tell this to very many people (that's why I'm going to post it on the internet, ha ha), but I figure not very many people will read this anyways, right? (Just my future posterity)
I'm not good at goals....I usually fail at my goals.... so on January 1st, 2008, I didn't make a goal....I decided to incorporate a mandatory thing into my life which in turn made it much easier for me to do, because calling it a "goal" just adds stress.
I started going to the temple every week. And I have successfully done that ever since!
I don't like to tell a lot of people that I do this because it's not something to boast about, it's just a main part of my life. It's been 2 years 3 months and 1 week since I started my regular temple attendance, but it all didn't change overnight.
Waaaay back in the day (high school) I had a couple of friends (they still are my good friends!) that I would go to the temple with frequently. We would go early Friday mornings on late starts! This is when I truly started loving the temple. My wonderful friends and great examples taught me how to love the temple. And for that I credit a lot of my success at going so regularly to them.
I know that God makes weak things become stronger. By no stretch of the imagination do I consider myself to be more righteous than any of my awesome friends or family just because I go to the temple so much. I NEED the temple to be who I am. I'm probably actually a much weaker person than most righteous saints that I know because I depend on the temple so much. The temple is such a place of peace and love that I need it to make the week complete!
I know that as we serve in the temple our lives will become clearer. I've been slowly waiting for my life to be what my Heavenly Father wants it to be and I know that someday I'll achieve what He wants for me in this life.
True and eternal blessings come from the temple.
So, I guess in conclusion, I'll just say that...I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life. Fiddling with the idea of a mission...trying to understand life a little better...ya know...young adult type decisions. That's probably what this blog will consist of.....me being really confused about all the things I need to decide in life! Aren't you excited!?!? (I'm speaking to my future posterity, ha ha)
Moroni 7:16
It's funny how we do things we never think we are going to do.
My friend suggested that I get one the other day. I was reading through some old journal entries realizing I hadn't actually written in my journal since February of LAST year (whoops...) and I said to myself...well.....maybe my future posterity can read my blog instead!
The reason I named my blog "I'm Going There Someday" is because that phrase seems to be something that is constant in my life.......I'm always wanting to go SOMEWHERE. Whether it be to a restaurant (my family knows that too well), or out of state (my friends know that too well), or to many foreign countries around the world (pretty much anyone I encounter will find that out about me) I'm always wanting to go places.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately because I'm considering going on an LDS mission and part of going on a mission means you get to GO somewhere! I even started writing my "farewell" talk last night....which may or may not be completely crazy! I was feeling inspired and started typing my feelings about the whole concept of going on a mission. I won't be able to turn in my papers for about 6 more months, but it's still something to start considering!
It's kind of silly because I wrote on my Facebook that I'm thinking about going a mission and I think a lot of people are taking that from the fact that I just broke up with my boyfriend that is making me want to go. I guess saying JUST broke up isn't really true because it's been a couple of weeks, but still...it's pretty fresh, I suppose.
It makes sense to most Mormon minds... "Oh she's mad at boys so DUH she wants to go on a mission!" I'm sure they (they is a relative term) assume that I'll get out of this "emo" patch and find another boyfriend in a couple of months. Ha ha ha...well, I'm not THAT vain, I wouldn't say I want to go on a mission if I was just bitter about life.
When Kyle and I broke up it kind of...I guess WOKE me up to lots of things. One of those main things was that I have so much more growing up to do! You think you understand yourself and then you get humbled by trials.
I've felt very humbled the past couple of weeks, that's for sure! I know that serving a mission would help me with that whole "growing up" thing. :) I've also always been a believer that if I'm going to raise sons (or daughters!) to go on missions then I should know how to help them reach that goal!
The other day I went to my institute's devotional they have on Tuesdays and the speaker said that everything in our lives should be centered around Christ and if we do that, it will bless us.
Our homes, our jobs, our schooling, our relationships, etc.
I found that to be very true. I know from experiences with past boyfriends that if the relationship isn't centered around Christ then it won't work out. I can probably blame some of that on the maturity levels of some of my relationships (since the majority of them were in high school), but I know that in the future the right relationship and the right person will center our relationship and marriage around Christ. That's a great goal to strive for, I think, and one that isn't easily attained. That's why going on a mission would greatly help me.
As of right now I'll just have to wait and see if that call from the Prophet comes and I can actually say I'm going somewhere for once! (you'll learn that I don't actually get to go to many of the places I say I want to go...)
Another thing I want to say in this first post is my testimony of the temple. I know just reading the title of this blog "I'm going there someday..." makes everyone think of the primary song "I love to see the temple...I'm going there someday!" Well, that's one of the main reasons I chose that title!
I love the temple.
I don't really know how to put it in words. The temple is a selfless place where selfish people like I can go and serve and try to be better.
Elder Richard G. Scott, a couple of conferences ago, spoke about the temple and told the members of the church that he had gone to the temple EVERY week faithfully for the past 14 years of his life. General authorities travel a lot so he added on to that by saying that for the times he had missed a week, he made up for it by going several times in other weeks. (ha ha, I love apostles)
I don't tell this to very many people (that's why I'm going to post it on the internet, ha ha), but I figure not very many people will read this anyways, right? (Just my future posterity)
I'm not good at goals....I usually fail at my goals.... so on January 1st, 2008, I didn't make a goal....I decided to incorporate a mandatory thing into my life which in turn made it much easier for me to do, because calling it a "goal" just adds stress.
I started going to the temple every week. And I have successfully done that ever since!
I don't like to tell a lot of people that I do this because it's not something to boast about, it's just a main part of my life. It's been 2 years 3 months and 1 week since I started my regular temple attendance, but it all didn't change overnight.
Waaaay back in the day (high school) I had a couple of friends (they still are my good friends!) that I would go to the temple with frequently. We would go early Friday mornings on late starts! This is when I truly started loving the temple. My wonderful friends and great examples taught me how to love the temple. And for that I credit a lot of my success at going so regularly to them.
I know that God makes weak things become stronger. By no stretch of the imagination do I consider myself to be more righteous than any of my awesome friends or family just because I go to the temple so much. I NEED the temple to be who I am. I'm probably actually a much weaker person than most righteous saints that I know because I depend on the temple so much. The temple is such a place of peace and love that I need it to make the week complete!
I know that as we serve in the temple our lives will become clearer. I've been slowly waiting for my life to be what my Heavenly Father wants it to be and I know that someday I'll achieve what He wants for me in this life.
True and eternal blessings come from the temple.
So, I guess in conclusion, I'll just say that...I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life. Fiddling with the idea of a mission...trying to understand life a little better...ya know...young adult type decisions. That's probably what this blog will consist of.....me being really confused about all the things I need to decide in life! Aren't you excited!?!? (I'm speaking to my future posterity, ha ha)
Moroni 7:16
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