Post Partum

I've been thinking a lot about the differences between my children's post partum time.

They have all been unique.

With Grace I was a first time mom and thought my bachelor's degree gave a good idea of what I was doing. I have learned in the 4 1/2 years since then how untrue that is and how naive I was.

I had my struggles being a first time mom, but I mostly remember just loving having a perfect little baby to show off and love.

We googled lots of questions and worried about things in a temporary way. We navigated through being first time parents, which definitely was hard at times.

Looking back now, one kid was a breeze. Hahahaha. It did not feel like it in that moment, though.

That's for sure.

In hindsight we had it pretty easy.

Having Hunter early and in the NICU was life altering for me.

Being a mom changes you in most areas of life, but that experience literally altered me in a significant way.

He was so sick and fragile when he was born.

Was this my fault? Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something right? Is my diabetes a factor in any of this?

The answer to all of those questions was a huge NO!

I didn't do anything wrong, he was just born sick. Some babies are born sick.

I struggled the most after having Hunter. I had a hard time finding a happy groove to settle in to. I worried a lot and just found myself in a big slump.

A slump that felt pretty never-ending.

Realizing that this was normal for lots of moms was both comforting AND discouraging.

I didn't want this new reality to be my normal.

I had this wonderful family. I'm was supposed to be happy.

With time and a husband who loves me I was able to come out of that worrisome fog.

It did take time though!

Something that helped me immensely was going places.

When Hunter was TINY and new his doctors didn't want us going places.

I figured out a million ways around it, because I couldn't take it. I couldn't NOT go places.

I have had dozens of people tell me they think I'm the best mom, because I take my kids out so much. Honestly..... it was more for me.

I selfishly had to go and do things. It helped get rid of my worry and feeling like I wasn't doing enough.

The strangest transition has happened since having Logan.

This is already making me cry, from the grace I feel from this whole situation....

Logan is huge and FAT and does everything well.

He eats well, he sleeps well, he has zero physical issues to even Google or think twice about, haha. He very much can go wherever the heck we please.

But here's the thing.....

......... I don't want to go anywhere.

This is really unlike me.

Even before the anxiety that Hunter brought to my life, when it was just me and Grace, I went places often. I wanted to give Grace experiences. And I did! We went everywhere! Museums, parks, malls, libraries, events happening in the community....

If there was fun to be had, me and Grace were THERE!

It's very foreign to me to have this feeling of being okay to not be on the go. I feel like I have slowed down a hundred times over.

The ebbs and flows of life are so interesting to me. I don't have it all figured out, but the one constant in my life that I do know is...

I love my family.

Through every new transition, every new baby, every new hurdle, every new joy, every new sorrow...

I LOVE my family.

I know that God is good.

I have SEEN it.

I have FELT it.

I know that because of His grace I am right here... right now, happy and content with my life.

Two years ago when I had a tiny, so innocently sweet Hunter boy, I didn't know when I'd feel that contentedness again.

I have a lot to be grateful for this Christmas season, because of the gift of our Savior and the peace that He brings.

2 Years Ago

Now!

Super Fun German Heart Disease

I recently signed my 5th contract with VIPKID!

That means I have been working for them for TWO years!

Crazy!

I STILL wake up happy, even at 4:00 AM, to do this job.

It is such a blessing to me and my family.

It's a blessing financially. That's obvious.

But more than that, it's a blessing to me emotionally. The kids that I work with are incredible. They are so smart and kind. My heart has a BIG part in China, for sure.

The convenience of this job is unparalleled.

I am so fortunate to work while my babies don't need me (aka, they are in dreamland) and literally work as much or as little as I want.

I have learned a lot about Chinese culture and just the world in general from having this job.

There is so much good in the world.

I have seen first hand how my happiness can change other people's lives.

Isn't that so powerful??

....to see that I can make a difference for someone else is so empowering.

I have a student who I taught for 18 months that is very dear to me. I saw so much change and growth happen in his life. Even being half way around the world and having the language barrier between us, I could see how much he was effected by the work we did together. His mom would often write to me about how happy I made him.

I taught a student today who I met over a year ago. I have taught her and her little sister for that span of a year. The day that I realized they were sisters, I was floored! The older one is very serious and the younger one is a hyper bouncy ball. They don't look similar at all.

I was reviewing some classes and I noticed that these two students had the SAME, EXACT background behind them. "They are in the same house? They are sisters?!!?" Ha ha ha ha.

Since then they always make an appearance in each others classes. They will come at the end of a class and start messing with their sister and just laugh and laugh.

I taught the older one today and guess what....

It was her BIRTHDAY!

She WANTED to have an extra curricular class learning a SECOND LANGUAGE with me on her BIRTHDAY!

These kids never cease to amaze me.

She grinned from ear to ear the whole class too. I could tell she actually wanted to be there. I think it made her so happy when I sang happy birthday to her.

I just thought in my head the whole time..... "If I was 12 the LAST thing I'd want to be doing is learning a foreign language on my birthday."

Ha ha ha ha ha

I'm always amazed.

I'm always learning from these kids.

Their dedication and determination can NOT be beat.

Sorry, I'm using a lot of CAPS in this blog, but it's just how I FEEL, man.

SO MUCH LOVE FOR CHINA.

One funny story to wrap this thing up, before I use my CAPS limit for the year....

I have a student who I have taught for nearly the two years I have been with VIPKID.

I have celebrated two of her birthdays with her, so yeah... we've known each other for awhile.

The other day she brought a bell to class.

Grrrrreat.... my ears weren't already ringing at 5:00 AM. Ha ha

She then proceeded to show me that it was part of a board game that she enjoys playing with her family and friends. There were a ton of Chinese characters on the box, and the only words in English were......

"Super Fun German Heart Disease"

Does my face leave any question to the confusion going through my brain?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Ha ha ha ha ha...

I think I laughed for five minutes straight. Even after we were done talking about it I still laughed.

The things lost in translation are hilarious. Some might look at them as hurdles, but I just think they are funny learning experiences.

I love it.

I just love it all!

I love every part of this job.

Happy 2 Year VIPKIDersary to me!

I plan to have many, many more!

I also hope to someday play "Super fun German heart disease"!

What Diabetes Looks Like

Ending Diabetes Awareness Month with a blog all about diabetes!

Who's excited?

*crickets*

Ha ha ha ha.


Whenever I wear my diabetes on my sleeve it seems to attract lots of questions.

The other day I wore a short sleeve shirt to church and my insulin pump was showing on my arm. The 4 year olds in the class that I teach were asking me all about it. "You have an owie? What does it look like? Why is it like that? Can I see it?"

Yeah, I do have an owie, but it's INSIDE my body, so sorry, you can't see it. It's because part of my body is broken and needs medicine all the time. I don't know why it's like that. I really don't!

Type 1 Diabetes is an auto immune disease. It is a disease where the pancreas completely stops functioning. Pancreatic failure, really. The pancreas is the organ in our bodies that produces insulin to regulate blood sugar. When we eat food our blood sugar goes up and the pancreas is essential to keep that in check and keep us healthy!

Type 1 Diabetes doesn't have a known cause. There is a lot of speculation... and I know some Type 1's who will even tell you their reason they have it. People who do have a reason will point it towards a bad illness they had as a child that destroyed that part of their immune system.

I am not sure why I have diabetes.

While at church there was also a lady from my ward who asked me what my pump was.

"What is this?" *points at my arm*

I told her it was an insulin pump. She then proceeded to look at me like I had seven heads.

Ha ha ha ha....

She gave me the look that I get sometimes get like: ".....you don't LOOK like you should have diabetes."

I know. I know what society has told you.

And the thing is.... I am not as skinny as I was three kids ago, but at the same time I am definitely not obese.

The world tells us that diabetics are obese. That overweight people get diabetes.

That is just NOT even close to being true, people.

Don't listen to the world.

I do love ice cream more than 95% of the world, but it didn't give me diabetes.


I thought I would lay out a little of what my day looks like with diabetes, to demonstrate what diabetes really is.

I wake up in the morning and check my Dexcom, which is linked to my phone. If it's a good number I go about my morning, if it's a bad number I have to correct it accordingly.

That little number by the green circle is my blood sugar.

This was my blood sugar in the morning after I was done teaching.

I am most happy when I wake up between 90 - 120, so this 151 is a little high. Not terrible, but not the perfection that I strive for, ha ha ha. 

(Side note: Perfection and Diabetes don't ever meet up. They never even Skype each other. They really aren't friends.)

Overall, I hope to have my blood sugar between 70 - 130 at all times. That's the most optimal zero. That's where non-diabetic people keep their blood sugar at, with zero effort on their part.

Ha ha ha.

Working pancreases are nice! A person with a working pancreas keeps their blood sugar in that good range no problem.

I test my blood sugar at least 4 times a day.

I'll spare you any pictures of blood.... but this is what I poke my finger with.

I insert the blood on the test strip to see what my blood sugar is. 

Why do I need to do this when I have the Dexcom attached to me? The easiest answer is accuracy. A glucose meter is more accurate than my Dexcom. My Dexcom is really just a general number of what my blood sugar is. Testing my blood will give me a better idea. Generally my Dexcom and meter are only 10 or so off from each other. Some times they are the same number, which is cool. 

Diabetics think weird things are cool.

Like matching blood sugar numbers.... 

At this point I have tested my blood sugar so many thousands of times that it doesn't hurt anymore, ha ha ha.

Or maybe the pain is just normal?

Since I have an insulin pump I don't have to give myself shots. I just punch in how many carbs I want to eat and go about my merry way.

This was my number right before breakfast. It came down pretty good from the 151! Way to go long acting insulin! Ha ha

I enter in how many carbs I'm going to eat. 

Then it calculates how much I need based on the carbs and what my current blood sugar is. 

Technology is amazing.

I am grateful I don't have to put too much thought in those calculations like I did when I did shots. 

I have to give myself insulin every time I eat.

Yes! EVERY. TIME.

My body can't handle it if I don't.

I have been told before... 'well, that's nice, you can just give yourself insulin for whatever and don't have to worry about it!'

Ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

You'd think it'd be that way, huh?

There are certain foods that effect my blood sugar in negative ways.

I'm sure they effect everyone's blood sugar in a bad way, y'all just don't know it. A non-diabetic's body will just do the work for itself and over correct the unhealthy food with extra insulin.

I can't really eat Chinese food without my blood sugar spiking horribly.

Cold cereal is iffy. I sometimes eat cold cereal if my blood sugar is low.

Buffets? I hate buffets. Ha ha ha ha. I have to calculate how many carbs I am eating BEFORE I eat them. Take me to a buffet.... that all goes out the window.

Does this mean I want special accommodations for the food I am given?

 Noooo... no it does not, ha ha.

Sugar free isn't my reality. Nor do I want it to be.

Gross!

I am highly aware of how many carbs are in the majority of food, so it's okay if I am given what everyone else eats. I can pretty much stare at a plate and tell you how many carbs I think it has. At this point I'm usually pretty accurate. Ha ha ha

The two devices that help me manage my diabetes are life savers. Honestly, they help me out so much so I don't have to worry about my health as much. I live in such a blessed time.

After breakfast my blood sugar went up higher than I like. 

I usually start to feel bad physically if my blood sugar is above 200. Especially when it's above 250.... 270 ish I feel no good at all. 

I'm a pretty irritable person if my blood sugar is not in the range I like it in. 

Jeff and my kids have to be the recipients of these bad moods often. I have been trying to be really conscious of this, because it's not fair to them. 

Speaking of those people who support me everyday.....

Taking these pictures yesterday made me realize HOW MUCH Grace helps me with my diabetes. She helps me out a TON. It kind of makes me emotional realizing that!

Whether it's calming Logan down while I take care of my insulin... 

Playing with Hunter while I recover from my blood sugar being low.

Going and getting me a juice to drink, because I feel too shaky from low blood sugar.

Forgiving me if I yell at her when I feel bugged from high blood sugar.

Grabbing my diabetes supplies whenever I ask. 

She really is the best. 

She is starting to understand more about my diabetes. 

My blood sugar has been seeming to go low right before dinner lately. It had been happening several days in a row and I was fairly low right as Jeff got home from work. I was getting done making dinner and dishing it up for everyone. Jeff made a comment teasing me like he does often (I honestly don't even remember what it was about?), but I didn't feel great so I said: "Give me a break, my blood sugar is low." 

Grace responded defensively: "Yeah, Dad, her blood sugar is low! It's okay!"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Lunch time! 

The party never stops! 

We ate lunch yesterday and then I had promised the kids I would take them to look at cousin gifts for Christmas real quick before naptime. On the way to the store my blood sugar started to drop.

For real!?!? I just ate lunch!

Diabetes obviously doesn't care about timing. 

My blood always seems to go low at the worst times... like when I'm out with three children by myself. 

Hooray for randomly having kool aid in the car, ha ha ha.

Sorry, I look kinda ghostly.... 

My hair was still wet from the shower

#momlife 

Also, is it any question where Logan gets his gigantic eyes from?

We got home from shopping and I had to get Hunter down for a nap. Logan was hungry too. My blood never really went up like I wanted it to from that juice. 

65. No good.

It seems like my blood is always low when I'm needing to do things like....oh, I dunno...

Care for my children. 

Ha ha

I always have to be a mom. That never stops. I do give myself breaks sometimes if I'm in a more critical situation, but I often find myself juggling diabetes and motherhood simultaneously. 

The rest of my day was nice. I took a nap while all three kids napped. I woke up and got ready for the day at 6:00 PM, because I went to a Relief Society Christmas dinner. I didn't get any pictures of me actually looking ready for the day. Ha ha

I always check my blood sugar before going to bed to make sure I'm good for the night.

And sometimes I need more insulin before going to sleep.

This is just a small glimpse into my life with diabetes.

There are many things that were not pictured here. Some of those include:

The numerous site changes I have to do for both my Dexcom and pump.

My trips to the pharmacy to pick up any of my 7 medications.

The several times a month I'm on the phone with either my insurance, doctors office, or provider that mails me my supplies.

 The middle of the night highs from my pump failing



Living with diabetes is difficult.

I have proven to myself that I can be successful despite my diabetes, though.

I know that every day is a gift from God. I know that I am in His hands and that He has given me every good thing in this life.

I know I can learn from the bad, hard things and become better.

I have said this in blogs before and I'll say it again.... diabetes has given me the opportunity to learn patience, empathy, real sorrow, and more than anything true joy. Without the hardships I would never know what it really feels like to be so happy!

And really, I am SO happy! :)

Top 1

Happy Thanksgiving!

I had 2 minutes before my first class this morning where I made a list of the top 10 things I'm thankful for.

I decided to write them down in those quick couple minutes, because I knew they would truly be what I'm most thankful for since they had to come to my mind quickly.

My list looks similar to what most people would say, I think.

10. My house

My house is a safe place for me. It's a haven for me and my family. Our whole lives happen here. I get to watch my babies grow in this space. We have everything we need and want.

9. My health

Being a diabetic, it is important for me to focus on my health. I could let my health slip very quickly if I didn't care. But I do care! I am thankful to be in such good health.

8. My job

I am thankful to make money everyday doing something I love. I am thankful for my students and the bonds I share there. Working in a field you are passionate about is important if you want to be happy. I really believe that.

7. My faith

We owe so much to our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. Without them I would not have the blessings that I do. With them I have all the good in my life. I am forever thankful for the Atonement of Christ that helps me in numerous ways through my life.

6. My friends

I have so many good, genuine, real friends. Several of them live right in my neighborhood. They help me with my kids. They help me feel like I'm not alone in motherhood. They give me that great gift of friendship. I also have friends, who I love, that don't live near me. I am thankful for technology that connects us!

5. My family, especially my mom

I love all of my family. My siblings, Jeff's siblings, our nieces and nephews, our parents. I am lucky that they are all my FRIENDS and not just family. I am lucky to have good relationships with all of our families. Our siblings are the people we hang out with. They give us so much support. I can count on any of them, any time.

My mom truly is my best friend. There isn't a day that goes by that we haven't talked at least 10 times. We share the same brain. She knows me! She gets me! She tells me I'm crazy! She tells me I'm definitely not crazy. I am thankful for my mom.

4. Logan

Self explanatory. Who wouldn't be thankful for that sweetheart of a baby. He's so easy going and kind to me. He gives the best smiles and snuggles. I love him.

3. Hunter

Hunter is my comic relief. He's always willing to give me a hug. He has the best cackle of a laugh you'll ever hear. I am thankful he picked me to be his mom.

2. Grace

Grace certainly challenges me in lots of ways, which I should be thankful for. She helps me grow. She keeps me thinking and learning. She loves me unconditionally and lets me know it often. She looks up to me, which makes me feel like I have gigantic shoes to fill. I am thankful for my Gracie Goo.

1. Jeff

Last, but certainly not least...

My partner!

I am so thankful for Jeff.

He puts up with a lot being attached to me. He has to maneuver through whatever is going on with my day and gives me support no matter what. I know I can talk to him about anything and he'll listen.

Since I went back to work he's been taking on the responsibility of getting up with the kids in the middle of the night. There have been a handful of nights where both boys have been up several times and he's taken care of all of it.

He always comes home from work with a smile on his face and hugs everyone no matter what. He swoops in and takes care of the kids in the evening, because he knows I'm tired.

I am thankful for how much he loves me. Because of him I have a very blessed life!

He is, and always will be, my top 1.

Current

I haven't done a personality/favorites update on my kids in awhile.

They are funny little people. Grace and Hunter feed off of each other. If one starts being silly the other will follow immediately. I love that they have conversations now.

Grace is very used to talking for Hunter, but since he's found his voice he has started objecting the things she says for him.

This morning I asked them what they wanted for breakfast. Grace answered for both of them and then Hunter quickly said: "NO GRACE! I wa TOAST! TOAST, MOM!" Hahahaha. Grace then asked if he wanted toast first and then the cereal she had originally said (always has to be right..... I wonder where she gets that from....). He said: "No Grace, jus toast! TOAST MOM!"

I think I hear "MOM!!!!" more times in a day than all the other words combined.

It's all good. It's nice to be wanted.

I guess.

Haha.

Anywho......

Let's do this thing.

Grace-

Favorite color: "ALL THE COLORS"
Favorite food: Grilled cheese
Favorite fruit: Apples
Favorite dessert: Ice cream
Favorite book: She doesn't really have a favorite right now. She is definitely transitioning in to wanting to learn from reading though. She likes more in depth stories now.
Favorite animal: Cheetah
Favorite toy: Stuffed animals. Right now she loves her Christmas lamb.
Favorite TV show: Sunny Day, Fancy Nancy, or Vampirina.
Favorite game: Hide n go seek with London Bridges at a close second.
Favorite place to go: She loves preschool and dance, but anywhere that involves cousins always wins.
Favorite friend: Liza
Favorite song to sing: Silent Night verse 2 or as she calls it - "Shepherds"
Favorite song on the radio: All I Want for Christmas is You
Most common phrase: "I just want to chill out!"
Nicknames: Gracie, Gracie Goo, Eden, Sis

Hunter-

Favorite color: Green
Favorite food: Noodles of any sort
Favorite fruit: Bananas
Favorite dessert: Cookies
Favorite book: Go Dog Go
Favorite animal: Cats. He loooooooooooves cats. Sorry Daddy, ha ha ha.
Favorite toy: Paw Patrol - especially Marshall
Favorite TV show: Paw Patrol. "Paw Troll TV, Mom? Paw Troll TV!?!? MOM!?!? PAW TROLL TV.... MOM!"
Favorite game: Hide n go seek. He's pretty dang good for a 2 year old too. He can count to ten independently.
Favorite place to go: "GRANDMA'S HOUSE! GRANDMA'S HOUSE, MOOOOM!!!"
Favorite friend: Grace. He recently has been taking a lot more interest in other friends though. He is starting to get to an age where playing with the cousins his age is actually fun and not just babies fighting over toys, ha ha ha. He also loves Grace's friends who are in our ward. She has two good friends who we see multiple times a week who Hunter is fond of.
Favorite song to sing: "Child God"
Favorite song on the radio: Cause girls like you run round with guys like me something something..... what is that song called? Ha ha ha ha. I don't know, but Hunter knows more words to it than me.
Most common phrase(s): "I cry!" "Sorry Mom." "NOPE!"
Nicknames: Hunter Boy, Hunter Jeff, Hunt (That's Grace's for him), Jeffy (The actual Jeff hates that one. It just comes out of my mouth sometimes though. Nicknames can't be stopped!)

Logan-

Favorite color: I'm gonna say blue, cause he sure wears a lot of that color!
Favorite food: Milk
Favorite fruit: Is milk a fruit?
Favorite dessert: Milk
Favorite everything else: Eating and sleeping
Favorite place to go: Mom's arms
Favorite friend: Dad. He smiles really big for Daddy.
Most common phrase(s): "Eh geh."
Nicknames: Logy, Log (pronounced "Low-guh"), Logan Boy, Bud, Baby.

Words I Hear Everyday

I want to document some of the things that my kids say often.

They are hilarious! I laugh all day long, it seems.

Like I mentioned recently in another blog, Hunter's speech has exploded! He says SO many things now. His personality has molded itself in such a way that you wouldn't really consider him a big talker unless you're in his circle of people who know him best. That mostly includes his immediate family and some grandparents. Even around cousins and people that he sees frequently he will shy up and not articulate like he does at home.

I love that tiny boy.

He makes me cry tears of joy and happiness just thinking about him.

Yesterday he found a book called "First 100 Words" and brought it to me very excited. I started pointing at pictures and he read the entire book for me. He knew almost all the 100 words. The few that he didn't know were the obscure ones like "dump truck" or "wash".

I was impressed.

He listens so intently to Grace all day long. He repeats everything she says. She gets frustrated by this, but I have to remind her that he is learning how to talk and just wants to practice.

Hunter's at the age where he will memorize a story or something that has happened and then will repeat it for me several times throughout the day. Again, he's really just practicing talking.

The other day we went on a field trip to the planetarium in Salt Lake. Hunter LOVED it. So now, even several days later he'll say to me many times during the day: "Mommy! A big choo choo! A go! A tarium! See space, Mommy! Me see space, Mommy! Mommy...Grandma a space a tarium... a Grandma!"

He fills in his sentences with "a" (sounds like "uh") a lot.

In that little story he is telling me that we took the big train to the planetarium to see space and also, Grandma has a planetarium and space at her school! Ha ha ha ha

He LOVES my mom.

Borderline obsessed.

Anything that happens that reminds him of Grandma you'd better believe we are hearing about it.

"GRANDMA! Me GRANDMA!"

The absolute funniest thing that Hunter says right now is "Oh HECK!"

About a week ago he started saying "heck" as an expletive and I was so confused.

I had to listen really closely, but after a couple of times I told Grace.... "I think he's saying 'heck'?!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Sure enough, whenever something doesn't go his way or something is surprising to him he'll say "heck!?".

It's kind of hilarious....cause it's coming from my sweet, little, shy boy.

Just the way his voice says it.... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So funny.

Another funny story of Hunter saying something funny, is yesterday he came up to Logan while I was feeding him and laid his head on Logan's head. He very sweetly said:

"Hi Gracie....uh....Mommy....uh... Logan... poop!"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha I laughed so hard.

He said "poop" at the end cause he was embarrassed. It was so funny! Ha ha ha oh man.

It's funny when your kids get old enough to do things like being embarrassed. I think that may have been one of the first times Hunter has been truly embarrassed.

Jeff and I have a favorite thing that Hunter has been saying lately...

When we put him to bed he'll say in the sweetest voice you've ever heard: "Love you, Mommy." or "Love you, Daddy." He doesn't have to be prompted, he'll just say it on his own. He says it with such an earnest sounding voice too. He says it in a way that's like: You need to know I love you, you really need to know!

I love that kid.

Something silly that he does all the time, which is a total 2 year old thing is he'll say "nope" to pretty much everything. Even if he knows the answer is yes, he'll say "nope" and then five seconds later answer yes.

He's very quick to say "sorry Mommy" when he does something not so nice. When he makes any kind of mistake he immediately says "sorry Mommy."

A cute thing that he does is he'll go around our house calling out for his toys. "Where are you baseball?!"

"Where are you Marshall??"

"Where are you boat? Where are you boaty?"

He adds "y" on to almost everything.

Grace is a chatterbox all day everyday. She always has been.

She's been saying "definitely" and "actually" and "exactly" a lot. Even when it doesn't make sense she'll say those words, haha. She likes sounding grown up.

She's getting old enough now that she likes to make up words.

I think a big part of that is because she goes to preschool where she has started to learn how to rhyme. She is fascinated by rhyming words! She gets very excited when she knows that two words rhyme.

She has been loving a new cartoon called Fancy Nancy. It is based off the children's books called Fancy Nancy. In this show Nancy is VERY fancy and does everything tre magnifique, ha ha. Grace wants to be JUST like Nancy. She'll watch an episode and then try to act it out around our house.

Nancy loves everything colorful and sparkly.

The other day we were talking about Paw Patrol, cause Hunter is more than obsessed with it, and Grace said: "I like Skye and Everest, cause they are girls... and I LOVE EVERYTHING GIRLY!!"

Ha ha ha

I had no clue she knew the word "girly", let alone how to use it properly. It cracked me up.

Grace is very girly. Just like Fancy Nancy.

On Sunday we were talking in Sunbeams about what our favorite colors are and when it was Grace's turn she said: "All the colors." I then said: "Okay, so rainbow?" and she replied: "No.... ALL the colors!!" Ha ha ha ha

Something that she does NOT lack is passion.

Her emotions are big and ready to be seen at all times.

A funny thing that she often says is "I just want to chill out for a minute."

She's starting to get old enough that she realizes when her body feels tired or when she's emotionally just done for a minute. She always let's me know when she needs a break, haha.

Its amazing watching these tiny people grow and develop. They start as such innocent little things and slowly get an opinion and views on their world.

I love watching it unfold.

Season of Thanks - Second Chances

I have a very blessed life.

I try to convey that year round, but of course it makes sense to think about it more during the holiday season.

As I woke up at 4:30 this morning to teach my classes I felt grateful.

Why would anyone feel grateful at 4:30 in the morning?

I don't know how, but I always do.

My whole life growing up I always wanted to be a mom. People would ask "what do you want to be when you grow up?" and after a certain age I realized that they wanted me to tell them a profession that earned money.... that earned some worldly praise.

I would always shy away from saying "a mom" and say a list of other things.

Those other things weren't wrong, I definitely wanted to be those things too.

I still think about what I want to be when I grow up. AKA when my youngest baby goes to school.... possibly when my youngest baby is done with school, ha ha ha ha. We'll see how soon Jeff and I think I need to step up my financial assistance.

Being a mom was and is my dream job.

There are so many factors that play in to that....

There are so many parts of my life that line up to make it possible for...

A. Me to HAVE children

B. Me to stay home with those children I have been blessed with

I don't ever want to take those blessings for granted.

My side job is a factor in me getting to stay home. For that I'll never stop loving the opportunity to wake up at 4:00 in the morning.

I am thankful for the sweet faces that greet me in China everyday too. I have some of the sweetest students. There are about 6 of them that I have been teaching for over a year. Some a year and a half.

One student named, Yoyo, I have taught pretty much since I started with VIPKID.

She is SO so sooo smart. She is the nicest girl. She stopped taking classes when I stopped and had my baby. She didn't take classes from anyone while I was gone. I saw her again for the first time this week and it was a very sweet reunion. She talked to me for ten minutes about what she did while we both took a break from VIPKID.

She went to Australia in August to study English and was SO excited to show me her workbooks. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It was the cutest thing. She was so proud of herself.

I have students who tell me their day is better, because they get to see me. They will say: "My day was fine, but now I can see you and I am so so happy!" Ha ha ha

The kids I teach bring ME happiness. They give me purpose beyond my little world here at my home.

Although my home and my family are the most important things in my life.....

It's easy when you're in the thick of raising very small humans to feel like you aren't contributing to the outside world at all. In reality I am, because I am setting my children up for their futures, but when you're changing a dozen diapers and getting puked on 20 times a day.... you don't feel like a regular old Ghandi.

My job teaching ESL brings that joy of bettering someone else's life outside of my home. I will always be thankful for that.

I am thankful for modern medicine and technology.

Without it I would not have any of my children.

Without it I would not be alive!

I know that God loves me, because He has provided solutions to my problems. He has given me easier ways to deal with my trials. He has given me hope!

The main thing that I want to say I am thankful for today is second chances.

Second chances, to me, mean so many different things.

It means forgiveness.

It means another try.

My children have to give me SO many second chances.

And third chances.

And twenty-sixth chances.

Yesterday for example, it hadn't been a bad day. I had gotten quite a bit done. We had played and I had spent quality time with each of my children. Around 4:00 PM I was struck with a horrible headache. I am not sure what migraines feel like, but I think that's what it was.

I was dizzy and nauseous and couldn't think straight.

But ya know what?

I still had to be a mom.

I couldn't tap out!

I couldn't be like..... hey, baby, sorry you're hungry, but uh..... just scream for your sister, you'll be okay.

Ha ha ha

On top of that....

Grace wanted to be with me. She wanted to play with me. She wanted me to do this and that and everything I couldn't do in that moment.

I yelled at her several times very unnecessarily.

And do you want to know what she did?

She forgave me.

No questions asked.

She wasn't asking me to do anything hard, really.

The only reason it was hard was because my head hurt so much.

I face situations where my children have to forgive me often. It's not too often out of anger. I'm typically a pretty calm parent.

I find that my kids have to be patient with me often though.

I can only do so much at one time. I forget to do things that need to be done.

I am thankful that my children love me unconditionally.

I am thankful that they want me and find comfort in being with me.

I am thankful that I can be their friend!

I am thankful that they depend on me.

Along with second chances there is also my very selfless husband who cuts me a lot of slack. He never thinks that I need to be doing more than I already do. He always thanks me for the things that I do make happen.

Because of HIS hard work I get to live out my dream of being a stay at home mom. I can't every say how thankful I am for that.

Above all, I am thankful that I can be a mom.

I am thankful for Jeff and our three babies. I have a very blessed life.

How to Feed

There are two kinds of moms in this world....

Those who live by a schedule and those who don't.

I am the first.

My kids know when it's time to play, time to eat, time to sleep.

I'm 97.8% sure that's why they've always slept 12 hours at night.

Structure keeps me sane! Hahahaha.

Or insane. You can decide that on your own, ha.

I'm part of a Facebook group....

Side note: Facebook mom groups are both a saving grace and a horrible anxiety inducing nightmare for me. So many opinions.... yet so much good advice. Double edged sword. Haha

The group I am a part of that goes with this story is called Breastfeeding with Type One Diabetes.

Cause throw diabetes in there and it makes everyone want to sign up for the group, right?

If you're a diabetic, yes. Haha

I asked a question in this group about number of feedings a day for a certain age and one mom responded that breastfed babies must be fed on demand and don't have a certain "number" of feedings.

My schedule driven brain stopped in its tracks.

Hahaha

I LIVE for the times that my babies get down to 4 feedings a day. One at each meal and bedtime. What is this no schedule thing you speak of!?

Lemme just stop right now and say, if you are a mom that doesn't live by a schedule, that is awesome!

We need all kinds of people in this world.

If everyone's brain worked like mine we would all be uptight people staring at our watches all day. Hahaha.

Seriously, if you just go with the flow, more power to ya.

On the flip side of that, Logan has been doing 6 feedings a day at the same 6 times for the past month.

Now, I realize that I'm his psycho pro schedule mom that I just over described....

However...

This kid is never hungry.

I make him eat after I feel like it's been too long since he did the last time. He always happily smiles at me with a look like: "oh, milk again? Why sure, thanks!"

The kid's definitely not starving.

In the end, I think the message of this blog is that every mom is SO different.

No matter how we feed or don't feed our babies, that's our own thing.

In the meantime, I'm just gonna sit here and hope that Logan wants to switch to 5 feedings a day sooner than later. :)

Fall Adventures

Sorry to be the quintesential girl in her 20's, but I LOVE fall!

It's my favorite change of season.

I can hear Jim Gaffigan in my head...

"You're celebrating the leaves hospice!"

Yeah, I guess.

Hahahaha

It's so much more than that though!

I just love the FEELING of fall.

It's like a perfect prelude to all the fun and magic of the holidays.

That anticipating feeling....

Can't be beat.

Love it.

The world is so colorful and golden in hue. It's just a really pretty time of the year. The world looks so peaceful in fall.

We do A LOT in the month of October.

I love dressing up. I love everything orange. I love the crisp weather. I love it all!

        

We soak it all in.

Our October was full of pumpkin patches, Halloween parties and carnivals. We had a blast dressing up, playing games, getting treats, and making memories with friends and family.

Halloween fun at the treehouse museum. I told to do silly faces. Haha

Hunter's speech has EXPLODED this past month. He went from saying primarily the same couple dozen words (he knew several more, just never used them), to saying 10+ new words EVERY day. He also has been using longer sentences on his own. He frequently uses 3 or 4 word sentences now.  

Seriously huge explosion. 

Yesterday we were looking at a book and he pointed out a dozen things that I didn't know he knew how to say, including seeing the difference between a lion and a tiger. 

A big thing that has been hilarious this past month has been listening to Hunter learn all the Halloween words. 

"Spiders!? A spiders!?" 

"Ghosty, hide! Hide ghosty!" 

He adds Y's on to words A LOT. Jeff would probably blame me for that, but what for? 

I totally never overuse Y's on the end of words..... especially when talking to babies.....

Haha. 

Hunter loves pointing out spiders, ghosts, pumpkins, and monsters. He's gotten really good at those words. 

Painting pumpkins! 

They were very excited to do this.

Hunter just kept yelling the colors he was using over and over. Hahaha. 

He kept saying "Blue Monster House. My blue monster house!!"

Grace was a lot more calm and focused with hers, which makes sense for their ages. She painted sections of colors very purposefully.

Hunter's on the left, Grace's on the right.

Pretty good masterpieces! 

Playing outside in the leaves!

They will finally play outside, cause it's not blaring hot anymore! Haha. We had such a hot summer.

Hunter boy looking cute.

Ready....

Go!

Pure childhood joy!

Next up was the pumpkin patch! I posted previously about the pumpkin patch we went to with Grace's preschool, so really this was our second patch of the year. My children are not fans of the sun, as seen here, haha. 

Grace LOVES the dang corn pit every time. Crazy girl. 

Frolic!

They had rubber duck races that my kids wanted to do the whole time. Hahaha. Seriously.... they thought it was the best.

Concentrating hard! Pump the water!

Cow train!

Ready to ride. This one was fun, because they took them through the corn field a little bit. 

They had a HUGE slide there. Grace went down it 30 times. She had so much fun on it!

Grace kept going down and Hunter wanted to too, but there was no way he could go without an adult. So I took the baby! Haha. 

My sister in law was nice and took these pictures for us. When I showed them to my mom she was like: "uhhh... you took the baby down?" And my response was, the baby was more safe than the rest of us! I felt like I was going to dislocate Hunter's arm! 

Luckily we all left in one piece.

This was later when my father in law came and held the baby, hahaha. 

The Saturday before Halloween we carved pumpkins!

They thought it was fun scooping out the guts. 

Scary girl!

This was him trying to do a face like Grace, haha. 

Aaaaaaand.... after going downstairs and watching Paw Patrol, letting Mom and Dad carve, here is the result! Haha

I carved Gekko

Jeff carved Owlette! It was a lot of small cuts. He did a good job!

The couple of days before Halloween we went to some Halloween carnivals! The first one was for preschool. 

The kids got to play games and win candy and prizes. 

Yay!

They had super fun!

Fishing!

Eating a gummy worm and whip cream with no hands, hahaha.

Grace thought this one was funny.

The next day was Grace's dance carnival.

There was a bounce house, cotton candy, cookies, fishing for candy, lots of small games and prizes, and we were able to watch the girls perform their Halloween dance. I'm liking this dance studio a lot. They give the girls lots of chances to perform.

The kids LOVED their Halloween costumes this year. They wore them dozens of times during the month of October. 

We dressed up as the PJ Masks. 

Grace was Owlette!

Super owl wings!

She took being a superhero very seriously. 

Flittering feathers!

Haha 

Hunter was Gekko! 

And SOOOOOO proud about it! He had to tell everyone. "I GEKKO!"

Super Gekko muscles!! 

Logan was Catboy!

He's pretty dang cute!

Hahaha, I love him. 

I told them to stand back to back and fold their arms. This is the result! 

More poses!

They are so cute together. They feed off of each other so much. 

I was Luna Girl! She's one of the villains on PJ Masks. 

We had a neighborhood trunk or treat and decorated our trunk with all the PJ Mask stuff I could find in our house, haha.

The kids had so much fun! They were proud of our set up. 

They loved walking around and seeing friends as they got candy.

It was fun how our neighborhood did it, cause we all lined up down a long street with our cars, so it wasn't like the typical trunk or treat where you hop from trunk to trunk really fast. It still felt like we were walking through the neighborhood, but at the same time were able to go to all our friends within a short distance. 

It was the perfect set up for our young kids. Once they get older they might want to go farther and trick or treat, but they were done walking even just after this one street of cars, so it was good. 

After they were done they sat in our trunk and handed out candy. They thought it was the coolest thing!

They probably ate a bunch of candy too, haha.

Grace was very proud to be the candy person. She kept giving all the kids only candies that she doesn't like. Hahahaha. Such a goober. 

We also went trick or treating at Daddy's work!

Tax accountants during their not busy season.... hahahaha.

I told them to look scared, haha. 

They think it's the coolest going to Dad's work!

This October was everything I love about fall! Tons of fun parties and fun! We loved making memories as a family.