Auto Immune

These times are hard.

These times are hard for EVERYONE.

I have seen that even the least anxious of people are struggling with the world's most recent events.

Things have been escalating quickly, it seems. A week ago when school was closed due to the coronavirus outbreak I thought.... okay, this won't be so bad. We can still go around our friends and family, we just aren't supposed to form LARGE groups.

As the week went on, though, it became more and more apparent that I needed to stay home with JUST my family of five.

..... for the next several weeks.


The coronavirus is obviously a hot topic for everyone.... but for people with pre-existing health issues.... you better believe it's the constant discussion.

I am a part of MANY diabetes groups on Facebook. I probably need to unfollow some of them, because of the constant chatter.

Every hour there is a new post with someone asking... "So how bad is this thing REALLY for us diabetics?"  .... "Does anyone know a Type 1 who has gotten this virus?" ....  "Is this really more scary for us?"

The answer, that I have seen is...

YES.

And no.

Somewhere between yes and no.

So maybe?

Having an auto immune disease puts me at risk, this is true.

It's in the freaking NAME...

Auto. Immune.

The fact that my body has compromised itself and does not function in a healthy way, makes me at risk.

Because of this, I have been struggling with people who are NOT taking social distancing, and just staying home, seriously.

The only thing I can do is stay home myself... for way way way longer than I am comfortable with.

I flip flop, back and forth, with how I feel about calling myself "at risk".

Truthfully I am young... I am healthy.

I am mostly healthy, I guess.

My blood sugar could definitely be better, but overall I am okay.

Since I am healthy and young I have a hard time saying I'm more susceptible to this virus than anyone else.

I often have to knock some sense back in to me and remember what sickness does to me as a person with Type 1 Diabetes.

Even a common cold can mess with my blood sugar. I have had colds before where I am not very outwardly sick.....

But... my blood sugar will sky rocket and stay high for days. Days!

Do you know what that feels like?

No, you don't.

Just know, it sucks.

It hurts!

And all because of a non-threatening, simple head cold.

I will have high ketones and wonder if I need to go to the hospital.

I need to remember that things like that can happen with even the most minor of sicknesses.

I have ZERO idea how I would react to the coronavirus.

For all I know... I already have it and am completely asymptomatic.

Who knows.

I don't know.

That's why I linger in the "maybe" category and likely won't be leaving it.

Being a "maybe" leaves a lot of room for anxiety to stir.

A "maybe" leaves me feeling frustrated and worried.

I have geared myself up mentally to do this. To stay home and try to avoid this virus.

I don't feel sad that I have to stay home with just my husband and kids.

It is fun bonding with them more than we usually do.

It is kind of nice not having anywhere to be or obligations to remember.

There IS silver lining in the darkness.

The hard part in it all is how uncertain everything is.

Although I would much rather live this uncertain life withOUT an auto immune disease, I can't deny the grace and mercy I have felt along the way.

I have had to force myself to accept what I can't control.

I'm an utter control freak, so this is hard for me.

I have to had to learn to forgive myself.

I have had to learn to trust myself.

I have had to learn to love myself.

I don't have answers or ways to make this situation better, I just know I need to lean on my family.... most of which are younger than six years old (ha ha) to get through this.

They are so patient with me and love me so well.

I can see God's hand in my life amid the chaos.