750 shots of insulin.
800 pills of oral medication.
3000 finger pricks.
1 year with Type One Diabetes.
I deal with my blood all day long. Either I'm making myself bleed to see if I'm doing okay, or I'm thinking about my blood and if I'm doing everything I need to do to stay in safe range.
Does that sound depressing?
Maybe kind of.
But for me - it's reality.
Type 1 Diabetics don't get a vacation, even while they sleep.
Many nights I am woken up by the reality that I have an incurable disease and if I don't do something about it I might be in trouble.
I've spent a fair amount of 4:00 AMs eating away low blood sugar and wishing I was sleeping like all the healthy people in the world get to.
Type 1 Diabetes requires ongoing management.
I always hesitate sharing anything about my diabetes, because diabetes is a joke in society. (I can name several people who are laughing at the "hesitating sharing" statement, cause I know they think I over share).
In the year I've had Type 1, I think the biggest thing I've learned is that nobody understands diabetes unless they have it, or have a very close relationship with a person who has it.
Because of that realization, I've had a hard time coming to grips with the social side of diabetes.
When in reality I'm in the 10% of diabetics who did nothing to cause their condition, I always am confused with the 90% that suffer majorly from a completely different lifestyle disease that in many cases can be prevented.
I can't count the number of confused and unbelieving faces I've gotten over the past year when I explain that MY diabetes doesn't have anything to do with poor diet or lack of exercise. Nor will it be cured by a good diet and enough exercise.
MY diabetes is in it for the long haul.
The rest of my life, no matter what.
Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease.
But you know what?
I look back at where I was a year ago today and I'm SO happy that I can say I'M ALIVE!
Because exactly a year ago today, I almost wasn't.
Exactly a year ago today I was in a hospital bed with four IV's pumping me with what I needed to live.
I didn't know my body was broken.
I never could have predicted it or done anything to correct it.
I had a vital organ that shutdown on me simply because it did.
And no mattered what I would or could do, there was no undoing it.
I can say a year later, through everything I have learned, that I am so glad I got a second chance.
That I didn't have to leave my family all too suddenly and at no fault of my own.
I can't imagine not being here for Jeff and Grace.
I can't imagine it at all.
And the difficult part is, I have to advocate for myself and maintain my health everyday so I can stay here with them.
It's hard.
I've never wanted to make myself a spectacle.
I've never wanted to get in the way and put myself first.
But now I have to.
It's been a year of learning how to speak up for myself, and you know what?
I still suck at it.
Majorly.
I don't know how to tell people I need to eat or they might need to call 911.
I don't know how to make endless phone calls to doctors offices and insurance to ask for the proper care that I need.
I don't know how to explain to people around me that shooting medicine into myself several times a day is necessary and not just a convenient solution in my life.
I have to do those things and explain those things now, no matter how much I dislike it.
Somehow I'm still figuring out how to make it work.
And at the end of the day I wouldn't be able to do any of it without Jeff.
I get SO frustrated that I have to count literally EVERY single carb that goes in my body.
(Spoiler Alert: everything has carbs. At least a little bit.)
So I spend a good amount of time asking Jeff how many carbs he thinks is in the food I'm about to eat.
On my weakest days I ask him if he'll just count my meal for me so I don't have to.
And he does.
And never complains.
He never complains about me waking him up in the night when I'm too shaky to get my own food.
Or if I'm just so tired of maintaining my health and don't want to do something as easy as go in the other room and get my meter.
He knows the consequences, so he very willingly helps me.
I know he never wants to see me struggling for life in the hospital again.
His unconditional love for me has grown a million fold this year.
If he's simply asking me what my blood sugar number is, or if I've taken insulin for something, he cares.
He cares all the time. And I'm glad he asks.
Type 1 Diabetes is such a lonely journey, the emotional side of it is just as hard as the physical.
And he gets that.
More than anyone in my life, he totally gets it.
He knows the depth and breadth of my everyday life with diabetes.
What would I do without that support?
This year, amidst the hard social things and the learning curve that is this disease, I think I've learned more than ever that without faith I have nothing.
That without gratitude I wouldn't be where I am.
That I need to be humble and realize who I can depend on.
I can't do this alone and I probably never was supposed to.
This year I have learned that I can do anything as long as I keep a positive attitude and maintain my faith.
So here's to another year and many more after that of the monitoring and maintaining and administering and learning.
"I have observed that life, every life, has its shares of up and downs. Indeed, we see many joys and sorrows in the world, many changed plans and new directions, many blessings that may not look or feel like blessings, and much that humbles us and improves our patience and our faith. We have all had those experiences from time to time, and I suppose we always will. Being human we would expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish, and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to close the doors on sorrow or distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery."
-President Spencer W. Kimball <3 p="">
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2016
Baby Boy!
Our baby is a boy!
We have been waiting for what seems like forever to confirm this!
At my 14 week appointment my OB asked if I wanted to know and naively I was like "Uh yeah!!"
Little did I know I'd then go through 6 weeks of "well, it's PROBABLY a boy." and "We're thinking it's a boy, but we don't know for sure." Etc etc
At my 14 week ultrasound she said there was a 70% chance it was a boy. And I'm no expert, but I looked at the ultrasound and I for sure saw boy. Hahaha
We couldn't be sure till later though, at our big target ultrasound at 20 weeks.
So we went through 6 weeks half guessing boy. I bought clothes, referred to him as a he, and basically just wished it was true....all the while thinking I was getting my hopes up and it'd be a girl.
Hahaha
So hooray for not having to return clothes! Hooray for being able to talk about 'him'!
It's funny how a mother's intuition works.
With Grace I knew from the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test that she was a girl. Don't ask how, I just felt it.
I told my mom Grace would be a girl the morning I took the test and called her. I just really knew she would be.
With this little guy, I think I secretly knew too. The feeling wasn't as strong as it was with Grace, but it was definitely there.
If you remember the girl trend I talked about a couple posts ago, my family would say I should be having a girl this time. Since that trend was in my mind so strongly, at the beginning of this pregnancy I was tricking myself into 'of course I'm having a girl'.
Seriously, this family trend thing has been going on for 4 generations, it HAS to be a girl! Right?
For some reason that never really settled with me though. I really never believed it.
Then the 14 week reveal happened and I was like....okay, yeah, that's obviously right, cause I've never really felt like it's truly a girl.
When it's all said and done we are having a little guy, and I'm so happy!
A couple weeks ago I was talking to Jeff about "what if it really is a boy!? I don't know what to do with boys!?"
And he reminded me "umm....you've been taking care of a boy [our nephew] ever sense he was 4 months old."
Haha...
Oh yeah.
K, I guess I'll be fine.
But still, I'm going to be a MOM to a boy!
I'm excited and scared and happy all in one!
This morning I had two doctors appointments. The target ultrasound/gender reveal and then my monthly appointment with my endo.
Seriously most days I want to say exactly what my sister said in this message about diabetes.
But today....
I totally won!
I am winning at diabetes!
That's not a very easy task to accomplish either.
It's not what anything in the media says about diabetes.
It's not about avoiding sweets.
With Type 1 it's so much more than anything like that.
It's a completely broken, nonfunctional, VITAL organ.
It's constant medicine and monitoring.
And with pregnancy hormones it's a crazier game than normal.
I have worked SOOO hard these 20 weeks to keep my baby safe. And I'm going to do it for 20 more, no matter how hard it is everyday.
So on rare days like this, I can feel good about everything I'm doing.
Because, seriously, today I'm a diabetes champ!
My A1C is 4.9!!!
Wooooooo!!!
Do you know how good that is?
Of course you don't, nobody knows about diabetes.
Pregnant diabetics ideally need to have an A1C under 6.0 to have a healthy pregnancy/baby.
So 4.9 is killing it!
(An A1C is an average of blood sugars over a certain period of time)
Also at the target ultrasound baby boy was measuring perfectly!
Our ultrasound technician was SO nice and informative. She made me and Jeff feel so at peace about everything.
She was very knowledgeable and kept telling us how everything looked exactly right. All the bones, structure of features, organs etc.
Having Type 1 is high risk and that means a lot more complications can happen to the baby. To hear that everything was perfect is such a blessing to me.
Talking to multiple doctors today and hearing them all sincerely tell me how well I'm doing is such a boost for me. To hear medical professionals who know my exact condition, my exact circumstance, and tell me I'm doing better than they could hope is such a weight off my tired mom shoulders.
I am SO excited for this little boy to join our family! He was very wiggly in our ultrasound, moving all over the place. He constantly had his hands up by his face and at one point he even rubbed his eye with his hand. Soooooooo cute!
Isn't technology amazing?
I am seriously so blessed to be able to have babies. 50 years ago a person with a Type 1 would have never been able to have a baby.
I am so grateful for modern medicine and technology that allow me to be who I want to be.
I already love this baby so much!
We have been waiting for what seems like forever to confirm this!
At my 14 week appointment my OB asked if I wanted to know and naively I was like "Uh yeah!!"
Little did I know I'd then go through 6 weeks of "well, it's PROBABLY a boy." and "We're thinking it's a boy, but we don't know for sure." Etc etc
At my 14 week ultrasound she said there was a 70% chance it was a boy. And I'm no expert, but I looked at the ultrasound and I for sure saw boy. Hahaha
We couldn't be sure till later though, at our big target ultrasound at 20 weeks.
So we went through 6 weeks half guessing boy. I bought clothes, referred to him as a he, and basically just wished it was true....all the while thinking I was getting my hopes up and it'd be a girl.
Hahaha
So hooray for not having to return clothes! Hooray for being able to talk about 'him'!
It's funny how a mother's intuition works.
With Grace I knew from the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test that she was a girl. Don't ask how, I just felt it.
I told my mom Grace would be a girl the morning I took the test and called her. I just really knew she would be.
With this little guy, I think I secretly knew too. The feeling wasn't as strong as it was with Grace, but it was definitely there.
If you remember the girl trend I talked about a couple posts ago, my family would say I should be having a girl this time. Since that trend was in my mind so strongly, at the beginning of this pregnancy I was tricking myself into 'of course I'm having a girl'.
Seriously, this family trend thing has been going on for 4 generations, it HAS to be a girl! Right?
For some reason that never really settled with me though. I really never believed it.
Then the 14 week reveal happened and I was like....okay, yeah, that's obviously right, cause I've never really felt like it's truly a girl.
When it's all said and done we are having a little guy, and I'm so happy!
A couple weeks ago I was talking to Jeff about "what if it really is a boy!? I don't know what to do with boys!?"
And he reminded me "umm....you've been taking care of a boy [our nephew] ever sense he was 4 months old."
Haha...
Oh yeah.
K, I guess I'll be fine.
But still, I'm going to be a MOM to a boy!
I'm excited and scared and happy all in one!
This morning I had two doctors appointments. The target ultrasound/gender reveal and then my monthly appointment with my endo.
Seriously most days I want to say exactly what my sister said in this message about diabetes.
Hahahaha, she's the best.
But today....
I totally won!
I am winning at diabetes!
That's not a very easy task to accomplish either.
It's not what anything in the media says about diabetes.
It's not about avoiding sweets.
With Type 1 it's so much more than anything like that.
It's a completely broken, nonfunctional, VITAL organ.
It's constant medicine and monitoring.
And with pregnancy hormones it's a crazier game than normal.
I have worked SOOO hard these 20 weeks to keep my baby safe. And I'm going to do it for 20 more, no matter how hard it is everyday.
So on rare days like this, I can feel good about everything I'm doing.
Because, seriously, today I'm a diabetes champ!
My A1C is 4.9!!!
Wooooooo!!!
Do you know how good that is?
Of course you don't, nobody knows about diabetes.
Pregnant diabetics ideally need to have an A1C under 6.0 to have a healthy pregnancy/baby.
So 4.9 is killing it!
(An A1C is an average of blood sugars over a certain period of time)
Also at the target ultrasound baby boy was measuring perfectly!
Our ultrasound technician was SO nice and informative. She made me and Jeff feel so at peace about everything.
She was very knowledgeable and kept telling us how everything looked exactly right. All the bones, structure of features, organs etc.
Having Type 1 is high risk and that means a lot more complications can happen to the baby. To hear that everything was perfect is such a blessing to me.
Talking to multiple doctors today and hearing them all sincerely tell me how well I'm doing is such a boost for me. To hear medical professionals who know my exact condition, my exact circumstance, and tell me I'm doing better than they could hope is such a weight off my tired mom shoulders.
I am SO excited for this little boy to join our family! He was very wiggly in our ultrasound, moving all over the place. He constantly had his hands up by his face and at one point he even rubbed his eye with his hand. Soooooooo cute!
Isn't technology amazing?
I am seriously so blessed to be able to have babies. 50 years ago a person with a Type 1 would have never been able to have a baby.
I am so grateful for modern medicine and technology that allow me to be who I want to be.
I already love this baby so much!
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Favorites
I want to document some of Grace's latest favorites and silly quirks, so I can remember them.
Favorite color: Yellow (hearing her say "yellow" is probably the cutest thing ever too) She also likes pink and purple (stereotypical girl), but yellow definitely wins!
Favorite animal: Dogs! Especially A Jojos.
Favorite food: Mac and Cheese!
Favorite snack: Rice Krispy Treat! (Keepin it real healthy around here! We are working on fruits and vegetables at every meal. I always offer at least one, usually both. And every time she'll "try" it, but usually doesn't eat all of it. It's a work in progress, I guess.)
Favorite book: Red or Blue, I like you! (Elmo/Sesame Street book)
Favorite movie: Monsters Inc.
Favorite TV show: Minnie's Bowtique
Favorite song: To listen to - Let it Go. For mommy to sing - 5 Little Ducks.
Favorite character from a show: Minnie and Skye! Skye is from Paw Patrol. She's loving Paw Patrol lately. She wore her cousin's Paw Patrol hat for like 2 hours yesterday.
Cutest little babe! I love her!
Some funny things she's been doing lately....
She gets VERY hyper right before bed every night. For about a half hour or 45 minutes she'll just run and run around the house at full speed! Or she'll want to dance!
The other night she discovered spinning. She would throw one arm out and shout "fly a fly! Fly!! I fly!" as she spun around and round. She seriously did this for 30 minutes straight before bed. Jeff and I just laughed the whole time, which probably egged her on more.
She has an amazing memory. I'll ask her to go find things and she always remembers where she left them. She's very good at directions too. If I tell her to do something in a different room than we're currently in, she usually can do it no problem.
The last couple days with Zach here we've been printing out pictures to color. She'll color her picture, then turn it over and will "write letters". She's only ever done "A". She'll do tiny scribbles and just repeat out loud "A.....A.....A.....A....." hahaha! It makes me laugh.
It doesn't actually look like an A, it's just scribbles, but the intent behind it is cute!
I think she's heard me spell words out loud when I've written them for her and Zach. For example I'll write their name on their paper and spell it out loud as I go (I guess that's just the preschool teacher in me coming out). So since she's heard me do that she now spells out "A.....A.....A..." as she goes. Haha. So funny and adorable.
It's cute and terrifying how she wants to be exactly like me. I have a lot to live up to!
Something sweet that she's been asking for lately is for me to tell her about my necklace.
For our 5 year anniversary Jeff got me a beautiful necklace with our birthstones on it. It has my, Grace's, and the new baby's birthstones. If I'm holding Grace she'll reach for my necklace and say "more" (she doesn't really know how else to ask for things like that. She can't really articulate "tell me about your necklace, Mommy!" yet, haha)
So I'll tell her "purple for mommy, pink for Gracie Goo, and green for baby!" She's been super into colors, so I think she thinks it's fun that we each get a color! She'll smile so big and will ask me to tell her over and over, smiling bigger every time.
She's a sweet girl!
An update on her "potty training", hahahahahaha.
You guys, I'm such a rookie at this.
I don't want to mess it up though, so I'm keeping it pretty child driven, mommy attentive.
I really feel like she is still too young to just magically go to underwear, so we're not thinking about that right now.
She has successfully gone pee once, and poop THREE times on the potty though! I'm pretty proud of her.
Pretty much we just let her sit whenever she wants and keep it very positive. I don't want to force her into it, and for now I think we're moving in a good direction.
When she starts really acting like she knows all the time when she needs to go maybe we'll move forward.
I'm really not in a rush. I won't mind one bit if I have two babies in diapers for awhile.
Something fun I've noticed she's been learning just from experiencing the world is transportation. She'll point out cars, bikes, buses, trains etc by their name now and likes learning the difference.
Isn't it amazing to think that all of this knowledge that comes second nature to us can be so new and fun for little people?
I love early childhood.
Well, that's about it on the Gracie Goo update. I can't believe in 4 months she'll be a big sister.
She's going to love it! She'll probably have a hard time with it, but will mostly think it's exciting.
In so many ways I've been so absorbed with maintaining a healthy pregnancy that I haven't put much thought into what it will really be like once the baby is here.
My entire life is controlling my health and staying on top of my diabetes, all for this precious baby's sake. Between that and taking care of Grace I don't have time to think about anything else! I think 2 or more months might need to go by before I get hit hard by reality that a brand new little life is coming to our home.
We find out on Monday for sure what we're having, so stay tuned for that! :)
Favorite color: Yellow (hearing her say "yellow" is probably the cutest thing ever too) She also likes pink and purple (stereotypical girl), but yellow definitely wins!
Favorite animal: Dogs! Especially A Jojos.
Favorite food: Mac and Cheese!
Favorite snack: Rice Krispy Treat! (Keepin it real healthy around here! We are working on fruits and vegetables at every meal. I always offer at least one, usually both. And every time she'll "try" it, but usually doesn't eat all of it. It's a work in progress, I guess.)
Favorite book: Red or Blue, I like you! (Elmo/Sesame Street book)
Favorite movie: Monsters Inc.
Favorite TV show: Minnie's Bowtique
Favorite song: To listen to - Let it Go. For mommy to sing - 5 Little Ducks.
Favorite character from a show: Minnie and Skye! Skye is from Paw Patrol. She's loving Paw Patrol lately. She wore her cousin's Paw Patrol hat for like 2 hours yesterday.
Some funny things she's been doing lately....
She gets VERY hyper right before bed every night. For about a half hour or 45 minutes she'll just run and run around the house at full speed! Or she'll want to dance!
The other night she discovered spinning. She would throw one arm out and shout "fly a fly! Fly!! I fly!" as she spun around and round. She seriously did this for 30 minutes straight before bed. Jeff and I just laughed the whole time, which probably egged her on more.
She has an amazing memory. I'll ask her to go find things and she always remembers where she left them. She's very good at directions too. If I tell her to do something in a different room than we're currently in, she usually can do it no problem.
The last couple days with Zach here we've been printing out pictures to color. She'll color her picture, then turn it over and will "write letters". She's only ever done "A". She'll do tiny scribbles and just repeat out loud "A.....A.....A.....A....." hahaha! It makes me laugh.
It doesn't actually look like an A, it's just scribbles, but the intent behind it is cute!
I think she's heard me spell words out loud when I've written them for her and Zach. For example I'll write their name on their paper and spell it out loud as I go (I guess that's just the preschool teacher in me coming out). So since she's heard me do that she now spells out "A.....A.....A..." as she goes. Haha. So funny and adorable.
It's cute and terrifying how she wants to be exactly like me. I have a lot to live up to!
Something sweet that she's been asking for lately is for me to tell her about my necklace.
For our 5 year anniversary Jeff got me a beautiful necklace with our birthstones on it. It has my, Grace's, and the new baby's birthstones. If I'm holding Grace she'll reach for my necklace and say "more" (she doesn't really know how else to ask for things like that. She can't really articulate "tell me about your necklace, Mommy!" yet, haha)
She's a sweet girl!
An update on her "potty training", hahahahahaha.
You guys, I'm such a rookie at this.
I don't want to mess it up though, so I'm keeping it pretty child driven, mommy attentive.
I really feel like she is still too young to just magically go to underwear, so we're not thinking about that right now.
She has successfully gone pee once, and poop THREE times on the potty though! I'm pretty proud of her.
Pretty much we just let her sit whenever she wants and keep it very positive. I don't want to force her into it, and for now I think we're moving in a good direction.
When she starts really acting like she knows all the time when she needs to go maybe we'll move forward.
I'm really not in a rush. I won't mind one bit if I have two babies in diapers for awhile.
Something fun I've noticed she's been learning just from experiencing the world is transportation. She'll point out cars, bikes, buses, trains etc by their name now and likes learning the difference.
Isn't it amazing to think that all of this knowledge that comes second nature to us can be so new and fun for little people?
I love early childhood.
Well, that's about it on the Gracie Goo update. I can't believe in 4 months she'll be a big sister.
She's going to love it! She'll probably have a hard time with it, but will mostly think it's exciting.
In so many ways I've been so absorbed with maintaining a healthy pregnancy that I haven't put much thought into what it will really be like once the baby is here.
My entire life is controlling my health and staying on top of my diabetes, all for this precious baby's sake. Between that and taking care of Grace I don't have time to think about anything else! I think 2 or more months might need to go by before I get hit hard by reality that a brand new little life is coming to our home.
We find out on Monday for sure what we're having, so stay tuned for that! :)
Thursday, March 24, 2016
Learning
I want to write down these memories before I forget. Grace changes all the time and I want to remember these things, even the annoying things, cause they somehow still make me laugh. And I know they'll make me laugh more in the future.
Having Zach here ever since Grace was teeny tiny (2 months old!) has been SO good for her! Seriously, I can see why parents love having twins.
I get the benefit of "having twins", but only as a day job! Haha. I get nights and weekends off! So really in no way can I compare my experience to actually having twins.
I get to skip all the hard parts.
Win win!
Having him here has made her progress socially so much faster than I could have ever expected.
She's learned that taking turns has to be a thing. She's not very successfully learning that she can share. She's also in the process of learning that she doesn't get to keep everything he brings to our house.
She's learned that if they are in a room alone and I can't see what's happening, all she has to do is scream like she's getting hurt and I'll come get mad at Zach. (This only tricked me the first couple times, but she definitely loves getting him in trouble. Poor kid)
She's kind of a manipulator in that way!
Most kids are in early childhood at one point though.
It's fun watching it all unfold! My textbooks are coming to life!
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law came and babysat Grace the other day and I think they said it perfectly:
She's bossy in the cutest way!
Hahaha, it's so true.
She tells everyone what to do all the time and knows exactly how she wants everything and everyone.
If she wants you to sit, she will tell you till you do it. If she wants you to pick her up, she won't let it go till it happens.
So many times I'll say "Do you want to go play in your room?" Or "You should go find your toys!" Or "Go find *insert thing here*"
And her response in the sweetest voice is always: "Mama?!"
She wants to play in her room, but she wants Mama to come. She wants to play with toys, but she wants Mama to play too! She wants to go find the thing, but she wants Mama to see her do it.
She's not one of those annoying, demanding bossy kids. She really is a sweet bossy kid. She always says things in a sweet way. She always gives extra love in return of you doing what she wants! Haha.
She's not an angry or mean bossy little thing.
She's very much a happy girl all the time.
I guess you just have to experience it to understand it.
Another thing I wanted to document is how she learns and remembers things so fast!
She's learning her colors at a crazy rate!
She knows red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, brown, and black.....but only if you ask her to point them out or give you the color.
I tried this to other day for the first time and I was amazed she got all of them right.
Babies are sponges.
She knows how to say "blue", "grrrree (green)", "yellow", and sometimes "purle (purple)".
She if definitely my child, and possibly more accurately my mom's grandchild, because she has mastered the art of becoming obsessed with things.
She currently loves Monsters Inc., which is kind of hilarious.
Isn't that movie kinda scary for a baby her age? I dunno, but she loves it! She laughs hysterically at the same parts every time. She screams Baby! every time Boo comes on the screen and hisses when Randall (the lizard/creepy monster) comes on.
Before Monsters it was Frozen (we still dance to Let It Go 3-4 times a day).
She's also loving Minnie Mouse (that's been her longest obsession, actually) and asks to watch Minnie's Bowtque on my phone.
She loves Peppa Pig thanks to my mom and Kyla! She'll ask for that on my phone too. Haha.
She's gotten pretty obsessed with all these characters. I think she thinks they're all her friends. It probably helps that she has more than half of them in stuffed animal form!
I think when we finally find a house I'm going to make her toddler room Minnie Mouse themed. That's the love that has endured for her! :)
Man, we really need to go to Disneyland! I think she'd absolutely love it. And I know I'd love it even more than her! People say to not take your kids till they are old enough to remember it, but honestly at this age it'd be more for my memories than hers.
I love Disneyland! I would go several times a year if I could!
Grace's favorite book right now is called "Z is for Moose". She has it memorized I'm pretty sure. She will always say "Uhh ohh!!" on the page right before the page where the Moose gets mad. Her little memory is so good.
We've gone to the Treehouse Museum a couple times in the past couple weeks and this last time we went she remembered that the music room has a puzzle. We walked in, and when she saw the instruments she looked at me and said "puzzle! Puzzle!" In an urgent voice, like we needed to find it ASAP!
I love watching how sweet and smart she is! She's a good girl. Even with being so opinionated, she's a good listener and always wants to make me happy. She has a really kind heart, I can see that everyday!
I love that Gracie Goo!
Having Zach here ever since Grace was teeny tiny (2 months old!) has been SO good for her! Seriously, I can see why parents love having twins.
I get the benefit of "having twins", but only as a day job! Haha. I get nights and weekends off! So really in no way can I compare my experience to actually having twins.
I get to skip all the hard parts.
Win win!
Having him here has made her progress socially so much faster than I could have ever expected.
She's learned that taking turns has to be a thing. She's not very successfully learning that she can share. She's also in the process of learning that she doesn't get to keep everything he brings to our house.
She's learned that if they are in a room alone and I can't see what's happening, all she has to do is scream like she's getting hurt and I'll come get mad at Zach. (This only tricked me the first couple times, but she definitely loves getting him in trouble. Poor kid)
She's kind of a manipulator in that way!
Most kids are in early childhood at one point though.
It's fun watching it all unfold! My textbooks are coming to life!
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law came and babysat Grace the other day and I think they said it perfectly:
She's bossy in the cutest way!
Hahaha, it's so true.
She tells everyone what to do all the time and knows exactly how she wants everything and everyone.
If she wants you to sit, she will tell you till you do it. If she wants you to pick her up, she won't let it go till it happens.
So many times I'll say "Do you want to go play in your room?" Or "You should go find your toys!" Or "Go find *insert thing here*"
And her response in the sweetest voice is always: "Mama?!"
She wants to play in her room, but she wants Mama to come. She wants to play with toys, but she wants Mama to play too! She wants to go find the thing, but she wants Mama to see her do it.
She's not one of those annoying, demanding bossy kids. She really is a sweet bossy kid. She always says things in a sweet way. She always gives extra love in return of you doing what she wants! Haha.
She's not an angry or mean bossy little thing.
She's very much a happy girl all the time.
I guess you just have to experience it to understand it.
Another thing I wanted to document is how she learns and remembers things so fast!
She's learning her colors at a crazy rate!
She knows red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, brown, and black.....but only if you ask her to point them out or give you the color.
I tried this to other day for the first time and I was amazed she got all of them right.
Babies are sponges.
She knows how to say "blue", "grrrree (green)", "yellow", and sometimes "purle (purple)".
She if definitely my child, and possibly more accurately my mom's grandchild, because she has mastered the art of becoming obsessed with things.
She currently loves Monsters Inc., which is kind of hilarious.
Isn't that movie kinda scary for a baby her age? I dunno, but she loves it! She laughs hysterically at the same parts every time. She screams Baby! every time Boo comes on the screen and hisses when Randall (the lizard/creepy monster) comes on.
Before Monsters it was Frozen (we still dance to Let It Go 3-4 times a day).
She's also loving Minnie Mouse (that's been her longest obsession, actually) and asks to watch Minnie's Bowtque on my phone.
She loves Peppa Pig thanks to my mom and Kyla! She'll ask for that on my phone too. Haha.
She's gotten pretty obsessed with all these characters. I think she thinks they're all her friends. It probably helps that she has more than half of them in stuffed animal form!
I think when we finally find a house I'm going to make her toddler room Minnie Mouse themed. That's the love that has endured for her! :)
Man, we really need to go to Disneyland! I think she'd absolutely love it. And I know I'd love it even more than her! People say to not take your kids till they are old enough to remember it, but honestly at this age it'd be more for my memories than hers.
I love Disneyland! I would go several times a year if I could!
Grace's favorite book right now is called "Z is for Moose". She has it memorized I'm pretty sure. She will always say "Uhh ohh!!" on the page right before the page where the Moose gets mad. Her little memory is so good.
We've gone to the Treehouse Museum a couple times in the past couple weeks and this last time we went she remembered that the music room has a puzzle. We walked in, and when she saw the instruments she looked at me and said "puzzle! Puzzle!" In an urgent voice, like we needed to find it ASAP!
I love watching how sweet and smart she is! She's a good girl. Even with being so opinionated, she's a good listener and always wants to make me happy. She has a really kind heart, I can see that everyday!
I love that Gracie Goo!
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Potty Training?
After today I think I want to buy some pull-ups, haha. So many diapers on and off.
This morning started with Grace saying "Grace potty poop", so I immediately took her to sit on the potty and she actually sat there for much longer than she usually does. She eventually got restless and wanted down, so I just put a new diaper on her. Five minutes later she had a poopy diaper!
She's barely in the beginning stages of figuring out what the potty is actually for, and I don't know if I'm ready for it!
The whole rest of the day she's been telling me Zach needs to go potty and Zach will tell me that Grace needs to. Haha, is this what potty training twins feels like? They are funny.
I really haven't actually been potty training in any serious way. I just take Grace to sit when she asks. She will usually ask 2-3 times a day. She never makes anything of it, but at least she's interested?
I guess I'm just waiting for something to actually happen before being serious about it. Just because she's interested doesn't mean she's actually ready physically.
Is it possible that she could be potty trained before the baby comes? That seems crazy to me. To skip having two babies in diapers?
Who knows what will happen. I won't hold my breath.
Well, that's a glimpse into my life. These kids make me happy. I'm always learning just as much as they are, I think.
This morning started with Grace saying "Grace potty poop", so I immediately took her to sit on the potty and she actually sat there for much longer than she usually does. She eventually got restless and wanted down, so I just put a new diaper on her. Five minutes later she had a poopy diaper!
She's barely in the beginning stages of figuring out what the potty is actually for, and I don't know if I'm ready for it!
The whole rest of the day she's been telling me Zach needs to go potty and Zach will tell me that Grace needs to. Haha, is this what potty training twins feels like? They are funny.
I really haven't actually been potty training in any serious way. I just take Grace to sit when she asks. She will usually ask 2-3 times a day. She never makes anything of it, but at least she's interested?
I guess I'm just waiting for something to actually happen before being serious about it. Just because she's interested doesn't mean she's actually ready physically.
Is it possible that she could be potty trained before the baby comes? That seems crazy to me. To skip having two babies in diapers?
Who knows what will happen. I won't hold my breath.
Well, that's a glimpse into my life. These kids make me happy. I'm always learning just as much as they are, I think.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Spring
I can't even express how happy I am that it's March! Woohooo spring!
We've been going on walks again, and it's just so nice to be able to go outside.
Grace was getting so cabin feverish that everyday she'd ask to "go", which pretty much meant go in the car and get away from the house! Haha, she didn't care where we went, (jk, she really just always wants to go to my mom's house) she just wanted to go!
We go play outside twice a day now and I can already see it increasing our happiness. Grace is a lot calmer and more willing to go play with toys by herself when we are inside now, and she just seems happier overall.
Yay sunshine!
I got to go see my other baby on Friday, which was so happy! To see the baby move around and to see almost all the features already in place...such a miracle. Modern technology is amazing.
I already feel like a balloon.
Seriously, I'm not really that big yet, but for 3 months along and compared to last time I feel rather large.
Funny story about that, haha.
On Sunday after church one of the old ladies in our ward stopped me and told me she thinks I've 'lost so much weight! Wow, you look so good!'
I went home and said to Jeff, is this a joke!? Hahaha
I'm starting to pop out pregnant, and she's saying I look better than before? WHAT DID I LOOK LIKE BEFORE!?
I'll just take it as classic crazy old lady and move on, I guess.
(I've clearly moved on...haha...not)
One interesting thing about diabetic pregnancies is your blood sugar is crazier than normal. And believe me, the normal stuff is crazy enough.
So much unpredictability. Oh my goodness, exhausting!
With most people the first trimester or so is full of lows. I'm in several Type 1 support groups on Facebook, and I've read a lot of people say that for the first trimester most people are chugging juice boxes day in and out.
Then some resistance starts to happen and your blood sugar sky rockets up through the third trimester and you end up taking a ridiculous amount of insulin till the end.
I would be lying if I didn't say thinking about all of that stresses me out.
I also would be lying if I didn't said I am so determined to make it work, cause I want to meet this baby so badly.
I definitely took Grace's easy pregnancy for granted.
With this high risk one I'm having to work so hard, around the clock, I know it'll be that much sweeter when I get to bring home this new baby.
I think my numbers have been in pretty good control so far. I didn't really experience the never ending lows in the first trimester, cause I think my body is still trying to figure out what having this disease is even like.
I've definitely had more lows than before, and it's for sure been hard and annoying, but not like a lot of people describe.
With the good weather and going on walks it's added a whole other element into figuring out my blood.
Exercise makes blood sugar drop, so trying to figure that out on top of it already being on the low side is.....fun.
I want to exercise though. It feels good to get out and move. Endorphins are wonderful!
Being low a lot is kind of hard when you're a mom.
You know those mom memes of mom's trying to sneak treats or food in the other room and hope their children don't hear them?
Imagine that X 100, cause eating to get my blood sugar up is pretty dang essential. Sharing isn't really an option.
Poor Grace always wants what I'm eating.
I'm now moving into the 2nd trimester, so it'll be interesting to see how things change!
We've told Grace that I have a baby in my tummy, and obviously she has no idea what that actually means. When you think about it, that's a really weird concept for an almost 2 year old, hahaha.
She did kiss my stomach the other day and said "baby!" though, so who knows what she really understands. :)
It's amazing how these little people become your whole world. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. I'm so glad I have these little ones to watch grow and be my best friends.
We've been going on walks again, and it's just so nice to be able to go outside.
Grace was getting so cabin feverish that everyday she'd ask to "go", which pretty much meant go in the car and get away from the house! Haha, she didn't care where we went, (jk, she really just always wants to go to my mom's house) she just wanted to go!
We go play outside twice a day now and I can already see it increasing our happiness. Grace is a lot calmer and more willing to go play with toys by herself when we are inside now, and she just seems happier overall.
Yay sunshine!
I got to go see my other baby on Friday, which was so happy! To see the baby move around and to see almost all the features already in place...such a miracle. Modern technology is amazing.
I already feel like a balloon.
Seriously, I'm not really that big yet, but for 3 months along and compared to last time I feel rather large.
Funny story about that, haha.
On Sunday after church one of the old ladies in our ward stopped me and told me she thinks I've 'lost so much weight! Wow, you look so good!'
I went home and said to Jeff, is this a joke!? Hahaha
I'm starting to pop out pregnant, and she's saying I look better than before? WHAT DID I LOOK LIKE BEFORE!?
I'll just take it as classic crazy old lady and move on, I guess.
(I've clearly moved on...haha...not)
One interesting thing about diabetic pregnancies is your blood sugar is crazier than normal. And believe me, the normal stuff is crazy enough.
So much unpredictability. Oh my goodness, exhausting!
With most people the first trimester or so is full of lows. I'm in several Type 1 support groups on Facebook, and I've read a lot of people say that for the first trimester most people are chugging juice boxes day in and out.
Then some resistance starts to happen and your blood sugar sky rockets up through the third trimester and you end up taking a ridiculous amount of insulin till the end.
I would be lying if I didn't say thinking about all of that stresses me out.
I also would be lying if I didn't said I am so determined to make it work, cause I want to meet this baby so badly.
I definitely took Grace's easy pregnancy for granted.
With this high risk one I'm having to work so hard, around the clock, I know it'll be that much sweeter when I get to bring home this new baby.
I think my numbers have been in pretty good control so far. I didn't really experience the never ending lows in the first trimester, cause I think my body is still trying to figure out what having this disease is even like.
I've definitely had more lows than before, and it's for sure been hard and annoying, but not like a lot of people describe.
With the good weather and going on walks it's added a whole other element into figuring out my blood.
Exercise makes blood sugar drop, so trying to figure that out on top of it already being on the low side is.....fun.
I want to exercise though. It feels good to get out and move. Endorphins are wonderful!
Being low a lot is kind of hard when you're a mom.
You know those mom memes of mom's trying to sneak treats or food in the other room and hope their children don't hear them?
Imagine that X 100, cause eating to get my blood sugar up is pretty dang essential. Sharing isn't really an option.
Poor Grace always wants what I'm eating.
I'm now moving into the 2nd trimester, so it'll be interesting to see how things change!
We've told Grace that I have a baby in my tummy, and obviously she has no idea what that actually means. When you think about it, that's a really weird concept for an almost 2 year old, hahaha.
She did kiss my stomach the other day and said "baby!" though, so who knows what she really understands. :)
It's amazing how these little people become your whole world. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. I'm so glad I have these little ones to watch grow and be my best friends.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Baby Numero Dos!
We've officially told the world (Facebook and Instagram) that I'm pregnant!
I feel like it's all down hill now (even though we're only 1/3 of the way through). Sometimes just getting past telling everyone makes it feel so much more like it's really happening!
I just posted a blog of something I wrote the day we found out! December 26th. Go check it out!
I actually had wanted to take a pregnancy test on Christmas, cause I really had the feeling I was pregnant, but I didn't want to ruin Christmas if I wasn't! Ha ha, call me weird, I know I am. So the day after Christmas is when we found out!
If you read that post I kind of explained how I feel like this baby is truly a miracle for us.
With all of my medical awfulness, just being able to conceive and carry a baby is a miracle to me!
With Grace it took us a year, exactly 12 months, to get pregnant. Although that doesn't measure up to the years and years of infertility that many of my friends have and are dealing with, for us it was a big thing. It was a major trial in our lives.
I used to HATE....hate hate hate....when people would say things like: "We got pregnant by surprise!!!" "It's a whoops baby!!" "We didn't even WANT to get pregnant!" "It happened immediately!" "On our first try!"
Those are the worst things to say to people who are struggling to get pregnant.
Ugh.
And although I know those people didn't really mean any harm by those comments, I still struggled with them.
How completely ironic is it then that we literally got pregnant immediately with THIS baby?
By no means was it a mistake....or a whoops....or unplanned.
It was very much planned!
We hoped and hoped and hoped that despite all of my medical obstacles we'd have another baby sooner, rather than later....
And it happened!
I'm still so happy and in shock about it!
It's such a manifestation of how God is looking out for me and my situation.
Everyone is so different. All situations are different and unique.
I know mine is tailored to what it needs to be to help me grow exactly how I'm supposed to.
I know we needed to learn from that year of trying to get pregnant with Grace.
And I know I've needed to learn 203,507,845 things from my diabetes.
Diabetes and pregnancy is.......
Hard.
There is so much involved.
(I'll probably only really explain the tip of the iceberg here)
I have three high risk doctors.
Up till now my appointments have kind of been every other week....sometimes weekly....but before long they will definitely be every week.
When you're pregnant with diabetes you have to keep your blood sugar in very tight control. Tighter numbers than when you're not pregnant, because there are more things that could go wrong than with a normal pregnancy.
The list of possible complications is very real....and yet I very much ignore it most of the time, for my own sanity, ha ha.
Because of that list, though, I was having to test my blood 12 times a day.
I felt like that was all I was doing! (Probably cause it was all I was doing)
Now with my CGM (see post 2 times ago for explanation on what a CGM is) I can look at trends on that and that makes my life SOOO much easier! I still have to test a little bit to ensure accuracy, but seriously...
Stabbing myself 3 times a day VS 12 times a day?
I'll take it.
There's probably a whole novel I could write about diabetes and pregnancy, but I'll leave it at that, cause I don't want to get too glum, ha ha.
I've felt a little more sick with this pregnancy than I did the first one.
It's mostly just that I never want to eat anything! Food is so awful!
Slightly problematic when you have an auto immune disease that makes you eat every 3 hours.
Also, I've been so tired! There have been days when I'll just sit and hope Grace and Zach aren't playing with matches, cause I'm just so exhausted, haha.
(Jk I'm not THAT irresponsible.......)
I think a lot of it is in the difference of lifestyle. When I was pregnant with Grace I was out in the workforce with clients all day. I couldn't very easily just pass as sick day in and out. I think my mind was a lot busier and just being out and active didn't let me feel as tired and sick.
Now that I'm home, I can stay in pajamas all day and sit in my comfortable recliner! A lot more time to think about my condition, between chasing a toddler around the house. Haha. I seriously need to go on a walk or something. Getting a little stir crazy around here.
Where is spring??
Another interesting thing to note with this pregnancy is, according to a trend in my family, I should be having a girl!
I've blogged about this before, but I'll explain it again, cause who really remembers all of my blogs?
I think Jeff doesn't even remember most of them! :)
There is a trend in my family...and if you're part of the trend there will be a baby girl in the family born when you're 13 and then later on, you're supposed to have a daughter when you're 26.
So....I'm part of this trend.
It's been going on for about 4 generations now.
When my grandma was 13 her sister was born.
When my grandma was 26 and her sister was 13 my mom was born.
When my grandma's sister was 26 and my mom was 13 my mom's cousin was born.
When my mom was 26 and my mom's cousin was 13 I was born. (TA DA!)
When my mom's cousin was 26 and I was 13 my mom's cousin's daughter was born.
NOW...
I'm 26 and pregnant.....and my mom's cousin's daughter will be 13 this summer.
So what does that mean?
In reality it probably means I'll have a boy and completely throw everything off. Ha ha ha ha.
It'll be interesting to see what happens!
Having a girl would be fun so Grace could be close in age with a sister! But having a boy would be great in so many ways too.
At this point I'm not really rooting for one more than the other.
I just love babies! And as long as they are healthy and happy, gender doesn't matter to me.
Something else fun with this baby, is it will be the third grandbaby born this year for Jeff's family.
This happened with Grace too.
The year Grace was born, Zach and Eliza were born 3 months and 1 month before her.
Now with this baby, Jeff's sister Natalie is having a baby in May and our sister-in-law Laurel is having a baby in July! So those baby's will be 3 months and 1 month older than our baby!
We're starting a new trend! Ha ha ha ha....jk.
I think that's fun though that we keep having our babies at the end of the three babies every time.
Having a bunch of cousins all the same age is fun!
Well, that's about all to report on this life change so far.
Grace is going to be a great big sister, cause she LOVES babies. But I think like most oldest children she'll have an interesting transition having to share me with someone else. She's very much into have ALL of my attention! :)
I feel like it's all down hill now (even though we're only 1/3 of the way through). Sometimes just getting past telling everyone makes it feel so much more like it's really happening!
I just posted a blog of something I wrote the day we found out! December 26th. Go check it out!
I actually had wanted to take a pregnancy test on Christmas, cause I really had the feeling I was pregnant, but I didn't want to ruin Christmas if I wasn't! Ha ha, call me weird, I know I am. So the day after Christmas is when we found out!
If you read that post I kind of explained how I feel like this baby is truly a miracle for us.
With all of my medical awfulness, just being able to conceive and carry a baby is a miracle to me!
With Grace it took us a year, exactly 12 months, to get pregnant. Although that doesn't measure up to the years and years of infertility that many of my friends have and are dealing with, for us it was a big thing. It was a major trial in our lives.
I used to HATE....hate hate hate....when people would say things like: "We got pregnant by surprise!!!" "It's a whoops baby!!" "We didn't even WANT to get pregnant!" "It happened immediately!" "On our first try!"
Those are the worst things to say to people who are struggling to get pregnant.
Ugh.
And although I know those people didn't really mean any harm by those comments, I still struggled with them.
How completely ironic is it then that we literally got pregnant immediately with THIS baby?
By no means was it a mistake....or a whoops....or unplanned.
It was very much planned!
We hoped and hoped and hoped that despite all of my medical obstacles we'd have another baby sooner, rather than later....
And it happened!
I'm still so happy and in shock about it!
It's such a manifestation of how God is looking out for me and my situation.
Everyone is so different. All situations are different and unique.
I know mine is tailored to what it needs to be to help me grow exactly how I'm supposed to.
I know we needed to learn from that year of trying to get pregnant with Grace.
And I know I've needed to learn 203,507,845 things from my diabetes.
Diabetes and pregnancy is.......
Hard.
There is so much involved.
(I'll probably only really explain the tip of the iceberg here)
I have three high risk doctors.
Up till now my appointments have kind of been every other week....sometimes weekly....but before long they will definitely be every week.
When you're pregnant with diabetes you have to keep your blood sugar in very tight control. Tighter numbers than when you're not pregnant, because there are more things that could go wrong than with a normal pregnancy.
The list of possible complications is very real....and yet I very much ignore it most of the time, for my own sanity, ha ha.
Because of that list, though, I was having to test my blood 12 times a day.
I felt like that was all I was doing! (Probably cause it was all I was doing)
Now with my CGM (see post 2 times ago for explanation on what a CGM is) I can look at trends on that and that makes my life SOOO much easier! I still have to test a little bit to ensure accuracy, but seriously...
Stabbing myself 3 times a day VS 12 times a day?
I'll take it.
There's probably a whole novel I could write about diabetes and pregnancy, but I'll leave it at that, cause I don't want to get too glum, ha ha.
I've felt a little more sick with this pregnancy than I did the first one.
It's mostly just that I never want to eat anything! Food is so awful!
Slightly problematic when you have an auto immune disease that makes you eat every 3 hours.
Also, I've been so tired! There have been days when I'll just sit and hope Grace and Zach aren't playing with matches, cause I'm just so exhausted, haha.
(Jk I'm not THAT irresponsible.......)
I think a lot of it is in the difference of lifestyle. When I was pregnant with Grace I was out in the workforce with clients all day. I couldn't very easily just pass as sick day in and out. I think my mind was a lot busier and just being out and active didn't let me feel as tired and sick.
Now that I'm home, I can stay in pajamas all day and sit in my comfortable recliner! A lot more time to think about my condition, between chasing a toddler around the house. Haha. I seriously need to go on a walk or something. Getting a little stir crazy around here.
Where is spring??
Another interesting thing to note with this pregnancy is, according to a trend in my family, I should be having a girl!
I've blogged about this before, but I'll explain it again, cause who really remembers all of my blogs?
I think Jeff doesn't even remember most of them! :)
There is a trend in my family...and if you're part of the trend there will be a baby girl in the family born when you're 13 and then later on, you're supposed to have a daughter when you're 26.
So....I'm part of this trend.
It's been going on for about 4 generations now.
When my grandma was 13 her sister was born.
When my grandma was 26 and her sister was 13 my mom was born.
When my grandma's sister was 26 and my mom was 13 my mom's cousin was born.
When my mom was 26 and my mom's cousin was 13 I was born. (TA DA!)
When my mom's cousin was 26 and I was 13 my mom's cousin's daughter was born.
NOW...
I'm 26 and pregnant.....and my mom's cousin's daughter will be 13 this summer.
So what does that mean?
In reality it probably means I'll have a boy and completely throw everything off. Ha ha ha ha.
It'll be interesting to see what happens!
Having a girl would be fun so Grace could be close in age with a sister! But having a boy would be great in so many ways too.
At this point I'm not really rooting for one more than the other.
I just love babies! And as long as they are healthy and happy, gender doesn't matter to me.
Something else fun with this baby, is it will be the third grandbaby born this year for Jeff's family.
This happened with Grace too.
The year Grace was born, Zach and Eliza were born 3 months and 1 month before her.
Now with this baby, Jeff's sister Natalie is having a baby in May and our sister-in-law Laurel is having a baby in July! So those baby's will be 3 months and 1 month older than our baby!
We're starting a new trend! Ha ha ha ha....jk.
I think that's fun though that we keep having our babies at the end of the three babies every time.
Having a bunch of cousins all the same age is fun!
Well, that's about all to report on this life change so far.
Grace is going to be a great big sister, cause she LOVES babies. But I think like most oldest children she'll have an interesting transition having to share me with someone else. She's very much into have ALL of my attention! :)
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