I am and I'm not

There are lots of things I am.

I'm a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, babysitter, LDS church member...

There are things I'm good at.

I'm good at playing, understanding, and learning with children. I'm good at thanking people who need to be thanked. I'm a good listener, in fact I prefer to listen.

I'm good at keeping my house clean and making my baby happy.

I'm good at making people I'm comfortable with laugh. I'm good at making people I'm not comfortable with feel awkward.

There are lots of things I am NOT.

I'm not a runner. I'm not even a person who goes out of their way to sweat for enjoyment (aka playing sports).

I'm not a baker or a chef or a person who is great at making dinner for her family.

There are things I'm NOT good at.

I'm not good at waiting for big life events to pan out. I'm not good at letting my baby cry, even if it's good for her.

I'm not good at being home alone at night, because every noise is a burglar.

I'm not good at playing my harp as often as I should. Or keeping it tuned.

I could probably come up with more, but let's not get depressed here, ha ha.

Of all those things, I AM the kind of person that wants to fix the things I'm not good at. I am the kind of person who wants to turn the things I'm not into the things I am. And I always want to make the things that I already am better.

So it's January. Does that mean I'm making resolutions?

No, not really.

I wasn't even that resolute about anything a couple weeks ago when the calendar changed.

And I think a big reason I don't make resolutions is because the pressure of that is no fun.

Jeff and I talk often about things we could change or be better at, and we work on it. But one thing I've discovered over the years of working on it, is I'm more likely to fail if I try to make 180 degree changes of my life instantly.

Yes, I want to be a runner and I've been working on it, but I'm not going to run a marathon (or a 5k) (okay, seriously, or even a 1k) tomorrow. I did run four times last week though. Seriously I should be hearing some amazing applause right now!

I've made dinner every night for my family this week, but really it's only Wednesday (victory!).

I've tuned my harps everyday this week (it's Wednesday), I fixed my broken strings, and I'm resolving (pressure) that I'll actually play places for money by the summer time.

Even with making changes like that....little or big.....my life is pretty great. I'm in awe every day at the happiness that erupts from my daughter. She's such a bright light in my life! She's always smiling and always exploring.

And now even with Jeff doing his masters and getting home pretty much after 9:00 every night, I still love how we never stop laughing with each other amid what could be a stressful time in our lives. He's ridiculously supportive when he could be pretty absent due to his schedule. He's a fantastic dad, and it shows when Grace sees him walk through the door and starts beaming and squirming like she wants her dad. He makes her even happier than she already is!

My life is pretty awesome even with the things I'm not.