Two Rings

When we got married and I got my wedding band Jeff told me something I'll never forget. 

He told me that my rings symbolize our two lives together. One for this life here on earth, and another for the life after this, meaning eternal life. 

It meant a lot to me when he said it then (almost 5 years ago!), but it means so much more to me now!

Not many people my age can say they almost died this year. 

I can.

Doctors told me I very well could have not woken up one morning and Jeff would have had no idea why. 

I was told by several medical professionals that I was lucky to be alive, and the three days I spent in the hospital were pretty much meant to zap me back to what living really should be. 

Do you know what the reality of that feels like?

I think most all people would get sad at the thought of leaving their loved ones if something happened to them, but not many people experience coming that close to it, especially at my stage in life.

I've often wondered why I got type one diabetes at the time it did. 

Most people with type 1 diabetes get diagnosed when they are very young. 

I often think about what it would have been like to grow up this way. 

Should I consider myself lucky that this happened now so I can handle it better as an adult?

I do think that's a blessing in disguise, yes. 

Do I think this happened now to give me a huge lesson in patience?

Yes. Yes, I do. It's testing my patience in several ways. 

A huge way it's been helping (*sarcasm*) me be patient lately is by the way people react/talk to me about it. 

Since I have been diagnosed at a later age than most type one's, people get VERY confused. 

Person: "So you have to stop eating sugar?"

Me: "No."

Person: "Oh.....I uh..."

Me: "You're thinking of Type 2 Diabetes which happens to adults. I'm Type 1, like the one children get. It's an auto immune disease. So I have to take medicine to survive....not because I'm overweight or anything."

*cue people feeling uncomfortable that I just put words in their mouth that they think I'm fat*

That conversation has happened more than I've wanted it to....

People only know about Type 2 Diabetes. And it makes sense, that's the only kind people talk about.

"Americans are all overweight and if they eat any more cake they're going to get DIABETES!"

So then I say I'm diabetic or I have diabetes and what do people assume....

Yep.

It has severely tested my patience, because I've actually had several people look at me or make comments after I explain "Type 1 is an auto immune disease", "It's not type 2", "Type 1 and type 2 are totally different", and they'll look at me like I don't know what I'm talking about.

Like I'm in denial. 

Like I actually don't know what disease I have or the consequences of it. 

Type 1 diabetes is a life long sentence. 

It's me staying up till midnight, not because I want to, but because I have to, because I'm on my third round of eating food I don't want, trying to get my blood sugar up to a normal number so I can go to bed. 

The nights where I can check my blood, have a good number, and just lay down and sleep without eating are my favorite. Jeff always knows when I have a good number, because I'll cheer and say "YES!!! I can go to bed!!!"

Food is no longer my friend.

Eating is a chore. 

I feel like I eat to survive, never for pleasure. 

That's probably how cavemen felt.

Type 1 diabetes is a constant shadow of worrying if I have a headache cause I'm a normal person, or if I need to stab myself for the 23rd time of the day to test my blood. 

It's worrying that if I walk too far my blood sugar will drop. 

In lots of ways I'm glad I never had to go through that as a child or a teenager. 

Everything happens when it's suppose to. 

Sorry, I feel like I'm all over the place in this post. Ha ha...just letting out frustration, I guess. 

Let's reel it back in to why I started this post.

I'm grateful I can be with my family for eternity. 

Jeff takes care of me day and night. He never complains about being their for me when I'm feeling crummy from my diabetes. He's my number one provider when it comes to my diabetes, and anyone who is that person for someone - spouse, parent, friend - can attest to how hard that is. 

It's a lot of maintenance. It's a lot of diligence and patience to keep with it and stay healthy. I'll never take my health for granted now that I've been on the other side of things. And I hope I can have the patience in every aspect of my life to keep enduring well.

"Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf