Dear Baby Boy

Dear Baby Boy,

I realized that I mostly write my blogs about your big sister and I haven't explained much about you!  I think since she's in my face (quite literally) all day long it's easier to write down things about her.

She screams for my attention and demands a lot, which I'm sure you'll find yourself doing someday.

My time with you in my tummy seems to be lasting a very long time.

I started feeling you move at 14 weeks,  which seemed so early to me.  You go through spurts where you'll move all over for a couple minutes,  then it'll be awhile before I feel you kick again.

This pregnancy was kind of hard in the first trimester,  as far as feeling sick,  but now I mostly feel fine. The issue now is I'm just getting bigger,  more uncomfortable, and more emotional all the time!

I'll be 25 weeks pregnant on Friday.

Just the thought of 14 more weeks makes me want to cry sometimes!

It's not because of anything you're doing or have done.  It really is just because my body is the way it is.

Since Mommy has diabetes,  it's hard to keep you safe. It's a struggle everyday to stay healthy.

And most days I just wish you could be here,  instead of in there where I have to worry about you so much.

I should probably explain....

If diabetes is controlled then there should be nothing wrong during pregnancy and nothing wrong with the baby (ie. You).  The way diabetes is controlled is through good blood sugar numbers. Anything between 70-110 is a "good" number.

Numbers above 150 or so, can be dangerous.  Most of the time they are only dangerous if they stay there and linger for several hours.

The danger is that you can get too big off of numbers like that.  And pretty much jump starting growth is bad all around. It can cause complications and hard stuff for you.

So basically I work all day to stay in a good range to keep you as healthy as if you had a healthy mom with a normal functioning body!

I have several doctors that I go to all the time to make sure I'm helping you stay good and healthy.

I go to my endocrinologist  (a doctor who specializes in diabetes) every month and checks to make sure my numbers are tight and where they need to be.

I went to her today and she was very encouraging!  She said I am doing exactly what I should and to keep up the good work.

I really like my endo.  She's very supportive and almost just like a motherly figure.  She's never made me feel bad about anything I'm doing or not doing. She's very personal,  yet professional,  which I think is hard to find in a doctor. She just makes me feel calm and better about my situation,  which is the best.

I also love her nurse. She's super spunky and hyper most of the time and will talk a million miles an hour. Today she thanked me for being the only happy, positive pregnant lady that they see!  Haha. She said all their other pregnant patients are so miserable all the time.

I think that's something I've learned through all of my health problems,  that I just need to stay positive. It makes all the difference.

Another medical professional that I go to is the dietician at the same office as my endo.

I hate calling her the dietician, cause that makes it sound like I need constant advice on my diet.  That's not the case,  since I eat pretty dang good!  I guess I could call her the diabetes educator?

I see her once a month too. She's actually the main person I send my blood sugar numbers to for modifications. I'm hoping I can start just emailing her my numbers,  because going into their office every two weeks is really adding up with my other appointments.

In between going to the endocrine and diabetes clinic I also have monthly appointments with my OBGYN.

She's kind of a hilarious lady. She is very straightforward and nice. She always seems to be apologizing for her staff.  Which kind of makes sense,  cause they do mess up quite a bit.  Haha

At my last appointment the medical assistant said "and at your next appointment we'll be doing the glucose testing for gestational diabetes." And I just laughed and said "oh,  that's okay,  I have Type 1 Diabetes,  so you don't need to do that".

My OB was SO mad that the girl hadn't looked at my chart and saw that I have Type 1. She apologized like 5 times,  haha.

I wish I only had gestational diabetes!  That'd be a relief to be done with it after I deliver you!

The fourth doctor I go to, who actually watches over you the most probably, is the maternal fetal medicine doctor. They do ultrasounds to measure your growth and make sure we're on the right track. I've only gone to them once so far,  but once we get closer to the end I'll go in twice a week to do non stress tests.  Those will monitor you and make sure that you're happy in there and they don't need to get you here faster than normal.

I keep wondering when you'll get here.

I know for sure it'll be at least August 25th. My OB won't let me go past 39 weeks,  just because there is so much involved with the high risk nature of the pregnancy.

Some people might wonder why I'm doing this simply because of the label of high risk.
Why would I put myself and a sweet little baby in danger?

My answer really is simple - because I'm not going to let my health problems stop me from being the person I've always wanted to be.

Yes,  there is a lot involved.

Going to all of these doctors every month.  Managing my health every hour of every day.

But I can see the bigger picture and I know I want you in my life.

I have already felt so much love for you,  which I know will grow more all the time.

Sometimes it makes me nervous to have another baby,  because it's hard to imagine how I could possibly love another child as much as I love your big sister.

But I know I already do.

My love isn't divided,  it's multiplied!

I've felt God's love for you and I know He wants you to be part of our family.

I don't know how easy it'll be growing up having a mom with Type 1 Diabetes,  but I know no matter what it'll be worth all the hard moments.

So even though sometimes I feel selfish bringing you into this circumstance,  I know it's what is best for our family. To have our love grow by adding you and all the joy you'll bring...I know it's what we should do.

It's going to be a big adjustment for everyone,  but I think it will be more fun than anything else having you here.

Grace is going to love you.  I think she might be a bossy big sister,  which you'll learn to deal with,  hopefully. I'll try to help you out as much as I can.  She will also be very sweet to you though,  and will always watch out for you.

Daddy is going to love having you to play with!  I can already see how excited he is to have a boy,  and I think he'll be your best friend. I know you're going to look up to him so much. I won't be surprised if he's your favorite person.

We only need to make it 14 more weeks! It seems like such a long way away, but before I know it you'll be here and crying in my arms.

Thanks for putting up with me as your mom already.  I'm thankful for you every day!

Love,
Mom