Usually...... I wake up in the morning like I did today having a glorious thought like... "Oh my goodness, it's the last day of the year! Next year is going to be so great! So many goals, so many dreams....so much wonderment!"
So then I gear up to make a Facebook status about it....because I'm very original.... and log on to find out that everybody else has already stolen my status.
..............which then makes me retreat to my blog where I can beeeee whoever I want to beeeee. (Sorry, Les Mis is on the brain cause everybody and their dog posted about that on Facebook too)
I can't tell you how many times I've logged on to Facebook and everybody has stolen my status. It's like I'm living in a mainstream society and thinking similar thoughts to events that everyone else is experiencing with me?? Or something. Whatever. I don't like it.
I wish my thoughts were original.
Nonetheless, I am super excited for the new year! Yay!! So many fun things are going to happen.....
I'm GRADUATING.
I'll have been married for two years!
Jeff's graduating too! Just not at the cool time (spring) like all the cool kids (me) do. I always thought it would be awful to graduate in the summer or winter. I feel like the glory of graduating is much greater in the spring. (............that's not really true, but in my head... I'm going to say it is.)
Anyways, this year has been good to us. I'm neverendingly (not a real word) grateful for the opportunity I have to go to school. Also, for a husband who works his freakin tail off for us.
I'm grateful for the place that we live. It's in such a convenient spot, in a nice neighborhood. Last night our landlord came over and gave us a late Christmas present. She is a hilarious old lady. We've only met her a couple times (other than Jeff's long conversations about life with her on the phone), but she's so nice. Along with our present she gave us a hundred dollars for finding people to live here. At first she couldn't find the envelope with the money though and it was so funny! She was freaking out, kept apologizing, and just made Jeff and I laugh pretty hard. I love old ladies.
She reminded me a lot of my grandma in that moment. My grandma was always worried when little things like that would go wrong. I love my grandma. I missed her a lot this holiday season.
I've had the past couple weeks off from work (one of the perks of working at a school), which means I've had lots of time to do..........really nothing...........but I've found some useful things that needed to be done. I spent a whole day deep cleaning our apartment and I was seriously amazed at how much junk we had. I ended up taking two big garbage bags of clothes, a TV, and two bags of random items we didn't need anymore to the DI. It felt really good to get it out of our apartment, but it felt even better giving it away for free.
When I dropped it all off at the DI I had this huge surge of gratitude towards the Church and everything that they do humanitarian wise. Granted, people that go to the DI have to buy the stuff they get, but I know that some of the stuff I gave has the possibility of going somewhere around the world where the people will get it for free. And even if nothing I gave ends up that way, it still made me grateful for how much service the Church does give to people around the world. I love the Church.
Well, on to the new year, I guess. We had a great Christmas full of getting way too spoiled from all three sets of our parents. They all gave us perfect, thoughtful things. I'm so grateful to have parents who love me and want to make me happy even now that I live away from them and don't see them as much as I want to or should.
On the positive side, I am going to see Breaking Dawn right now with my mom and sister! Ha ha. Don't judge me. I'm just curious to see how it is. I kind of hated part 1 so I don't have very high expectations for this one.
Well, I better go get ready. School starts next Monday! Yay! And AHH! I'm so excited, but so nervous. Bah. ....... :)
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Title of a Post. :)
I've been stalking the board where my grades get posted wishing they would all be there. I know I'm getting A's in four of my classes. The last class I MIGHT be like .2% away from an A depending on how he scores our last test. If he gives us a couple extra points for some questions like I'm hoping then I'll get an A. My first ever 4.0 in college? Kind of sad it had to be my last, huh? Ha ha. But I'll take it. If I get it, that is.
I guess I could get a 4.0 with student teaching and my internship next semester....so technically this isn't my first/last.
Nonetheless...........
I only have to go to my job 36 more times before I'm done. Do you know how happy that makes me???? So. Happy. :)
I love my job for the children. I love children! They are ridiculously cute and funny. But one of my coworkers makes my life harder than I wish it to be and that's....not cute or funny. Two of my coworkers had their last day on Friday so now it's just me, the only other good one, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand the not so good one. It's going to be interesting.
But only 36 more times, right?? That seems like a lot right now.
I've been wanting to post/blog about all of the drama that's been going on on Facebook lately, but I haven't really known how to say it. I haven't really known how to properly articulate my feelings.
Oh well....let the lack of articulation begin!
There is so much negativity in the world. I feel like most people thrive on it. I know I do at times, and probably more often than I should. People love to feel strong emotions and anger is probably the strongest emotion a person can feel. People also love to feel vindicated. In some small instances it is valid to feel so. In other circumstances though it was never their position to step in and be a part of it at all and thus that feeling of vindication was never theirs to feel.
Strong emotions.
I feel like people thrive on it because it makes them feel important. It all comes back down to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. People want to feel loved, appreciated, accepted, and like they belong. Sometimes this leads people to saying really ridiculous things on social media that makes me view them in the opposite light.
I'm not really talking about any one dramatic thing that's been happening on Facebook lately. I'm talking about ALL of them. From the shooting in Newtown Conneticut to the "wear pants to church" dealio to all of the constant political fights, and even down to the littlest things of who's going to get the coolest thing for Christmas/spend their break the best.
And I'm really not talking about any one friend of mine on Facebook either.
When I first joined Facebook it was a fun way to look at people's lives and see what was happening with them. Slowly it's evolved into a competition of who can look the coolest, who can present themself to be the most important or knowledgable or up-to-date. Who can argue their way to the top. Who can seem the most sympathetic.
For all I know people have viewed my page and have thought the same thoughts about me that I'm trying to look like I'm on top. In a lot of ways I feel like I can tell the difference between people who are posting for the same reasons I do and those who don't. I hope I'm not viewed as pompous in any way.
But I regress...
I've still been posting things, but I haven't posted anything about the dramatic issues that have been talked about. And most of those issues I'm not even going to touch with a ten foot pole.
On Friday when the shooting happened, Jeff was home for lunch. He was looking at the laptop and said, "Oh my gosh, come here." He showed me the news report and I started to cry. It really hit home, I guess. I just thought about all of the students I've had over the past five years and what I would do if that happened to me.
All of the teachers who saved those children are heroes. Although I haven't been a "real" teacher yet I still have felt love for my students that is hard to explain. There are some children who are complete terrors and make your life miserable everyday, but if it came down to preserving their life you would do it.
For me this tragedy isn't focused on any political issues of what could have been or what should have happened differently....it's about the bravery and love of those educators. That's why I love education. It opens you up to a world of discovery and service to little people who need it so bad. Teachers should be recognized for their everyday bravery in taking on the challenges of their students.
Those teachers and students who were taken in the shooting should always be remembered. One of the little girls who was shot was the daughter/granddaughter of my grandparents best friends. I know that their family has the Gospel and I'm grateful for that. It makes me sad to think that more than a dozen of the parents of the young children who died don't have the knowledge of the plan of salvation. Even though that's true, I know that the people who perished in this tragedy are safe with our Heavenly Father.
Anyways, I figured I would post my feelings on my blog because Facebook has been pretty disheartening to me lately. I'm not trying to prove myself more sympathetic or on top. This is just how I feel.
I really need to get off of here and go Christmas shopping. I have severely procrastinated.......ha ha.
C'mon Tuesday, be good to me!
I guess I could get a 4.0 with student teaching and my internship next semester....so technically this isn't my first/last.
Nonetheless...........
I only have to go to my job 36 more times before I'm done. Do you know how happy that makes me???? So. Happy. :)
I love my job for the children. I love children! They are ridiculously cute and funny. But one of my coworkers makes my life harder than I wish it to be and that's....not cute or funny. Two of my coworkers had their last day on Friday so now it's just me, the only other good one, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand the not so good one. It's going to be interesting.
But only 36 more times, right?? That seems like a lot right now.
I've been wanting to post/blog about all of the drama that's been going on on Facebook lately, but I haven't really known how to say it. I haven't really known how to properly articulate my feelings.
Oh well....let the lack of articulation begin!
There is so much negativity in the world. I feel like most people thrive on it. I know I do at times, and probably more often than I should. People love to feel strong emotions and anger is probably the strongest emotion a person can feel. People also love to feel vindicated. In some small instances it is valid to feel so. In other circumstances though it was never their position to step in and be a part of it at all and thus that feeling of vindication was never theirs to feel.
Strong emotions.
I feel like people thrive on it because it makes them feel important. It all comes back down to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. People want to feel loved, appreciated, accepted, and like they belong. Sometimes this leads people to saying really ridiculous things on social media that makes me view them in the opposite light.
I'm not really talking about any one dramatic thing that's been happening on Facebook lately. I'm talking about ALL of them. From the shooting in Newtown Conneticut to the "wear pants to church" dealio to all of the constant political fights, and even down to the littlest things of who's going to get the coolest thing for Christmas/spend their break the best.
And I'm really not talking about any one friend of mine on Facebook either.
When I first joined Facebook it was a fun way to look at people's lives and see what was happening with them. Slowly it's evolved into a competition of who can look the coolest, who can present themself to be the most important or knowledgable or up-to-date. Who can argue their way to the top. Who can seem the most sympathetic.
For all I know people have viewed my page and have thought the same thoughts about me that I'm trying to look like I'm on top. In a lot of ways I feel like I can tell the difference between people who are posting for the same reasons I do and those who don't. I hope I'm not viewed as pompous in any way.
But I regress...
I've still been posting things, but I haven't posted anything about the dramatic issues that have been talked about. And most of those issues I'm not even going to touch with a ten foot pole.
On Friday when the shooting happened, Jeff was home for lunch. He was looking at the laptop and said, "Oh my gosh, come here." He showed me the news report and I started to cry. It really hit home, I guess. I just thought about all of the students I've had over the past five years and what I would do if that happened to me.
All of the teachers who saved those children are heroes. Although I haven't been a "real" teacher yet I still have felt love for my students that is hard to explain. There are some children who are complete terrors and make your life miserable everyday, but if it came down to preserving their life you would do it.
For me this tragedy isn't focused on any political issues of what could have been or what should have happened differently....it's about the bravery and love of those educators. That's why I love education. It opens you up to a world of discovery and service to little people who need it so bad. Teachers should be recognized for their everyday bravery in taking on the challenges of their students.
Those teachers and students who were taken in the shooting should always be remembered. One of the little girls who was shot was the daughter/granddaughter of my grandparents best friends. I know that their family has the Gospel and I'm grateful for that. It makes me sad to think that more than a dozen of the parents of the young children who died don't have the knowledge of the plan of salvation. Even though that's true, I know that the people who perished in this tragedy are safe with our Heavenly Father.
Anyways, I figured I would post my feelings on my blog because Facebook has been pretty disheartening to me lately. I'm not trying to prove myself more sympathetic or on top. This is just how I feel.
I really need to get off of here and go Christmas shopping. I have severely procrastinated.......ha ha.
C'mon Tuesday, be good to me!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Soapboxes Waiting for Christmas
I'm the kind of person that can't let things sit. If I have the ability to make things happen then you better believe they will be happening.
My mom and Jeff make fun of me for this all the time. I have zero patience when it comes to life decisions. If I don't feel calm or content about something in the future then I have to talk about it till it's fixed and I feel good.
It's a problem.
The fact that I am this way is a problem...........not the making fun of me part. Ha ha :)
Anyways.......
Remember my last post about my internship??
Ha ha ha, well that's all figured out now! (I couldn't let it sit) I'm actually doing it at a daycare/preschool/kindergarten. After not hearing from the Early Intervention people for almost two weeks I had to give up and go with a preschool.
In a lot of ways it's not really giving up though. This place is supposed to be super good quality which makes me excited. My professor recommended it so I'm hoping it'll be awesome. The reason why it's not giving up is because I feel like I need this experience to get over my crazy biased stigma against daycares.
Oh my goodness, I hate daycares. That's another problem I have. (ha ha)
Yes, I'm on my soapbox, don't judge me.
I also had a really bad experience with a daycare about a month ago. I don't think I blogged about it?
I applied to work at this daycare..........because I was sick of my job (which is a whole other story :) ) and I wanted to work with littler kids. They called me in for a "working interview" which meant they wanted me to come in and teach a half hour lesson to four year olds.
I prepared this adorable lesson with Pete the Cat (and his four grooooooooovy buttons) and it was going to be the best thing ever. I actually worked pretty hard on it which is another reason that made me so upset about it later when it ended up being completely ridiculous.
Sigh.
So I went in for the "working interview" and the director of the place didn't talk to me. This random worker was like: "Oh....uh....I think you're supposed to be in this room..." I went into the room and it was utter chaos. Fifteen 2-4 year olds going crazy! There were two workers in there texting on their phones and showing each other funny youtube videos. I was kind of shell shocked.
So then the two workers said hi to me and asked me to help with the snowflake making at a table in the corner during "center time". Neither of them knew how to make snowflakes........but for some reason they made it one of their lessons for the day.
Brilliance!
They proceeded to scream at the children to "sit their butts down and listen". (I would have hated to see the look on my face cause I bet I looked completely terrified) So once the children set their butts down we divided up into groups and I took some kids and made snowflakes.
While I was making snowflakes one of the two workers came over and looked at what we were doing. Apparently her son was sitting at the table with me. He was just cutting out a snowflake and his mom (the worker) looked at him and screamed (not exaggerating) something about sitting his butt down (common theme). Then she weirdly looked over at me and said: "Sorry, he's mine, he drives me crazy." I was kind of taken back/confused so I said: "He's your son?" and she said: "Yeah, and he's autistic so that's why he's like that."
I just froze and had to contain my anger. There was NO way she just called that kid "autistic". There was nothing even remotely autistic about him. He was fully verbal, he didn't show any of the little autistic tendencies that autistic children have, he was completely normal. I was about to lose it when she said that. I wanted to tell her how I knew all about autism because I worked for a year with severely autisitic children and her son wasn't even in the same ball park as any of them. He didn't even have aspergers (lower form of autism) as far as I could tell. I have a kid at my work right now who has aspergers and no offense.........but you can tell when a child has a disability like that.
Oh my goodness.....craziness.
Weeeeeeeeell.......an hour later (I was only supposed to be there for a half hour) this lady comes in and asks me if I'm the one that needed the laptop (I had called the day before because I needed a computer to play the Pete the Cat song. The lady on the phone had told me to bring my own which I did.) I informed her that I had one, but I was pretty sure they weren't going to give me a chance to do my lesson. She looked super awkward and was like....."oh....uh....ok" and then left.
Another fifteen minutes went by and then the two workers were like: "Uh....so you can probably leave now. The director will call you tomorrow to let you know if you got it or not."
...............................................................................................
She'll what?
She'll let me know if I got it?? How on earth would she know? She never saw me "working".
Yep. I hate daycares.
So I'm thinking this internship will be a good experience for me to get past how much I hate them. The directors of this place that I'm doing my internship graduated from Weber in Early Childhood recently and they sound awesome! I'm hoping since they went through the same program as me that they will employee the same ethics and practices that I believe in. *crossing my fingers*
Having my phone out/not paying attention to children, screaming at children, and not engaging with children are all reasons why I don't like daycares. So I'm hoping none of that will go on during my internship.
I can't stand it when caregivers don't pay attention to children in jobs like that. It drives me utterly mad. It's your JOB to play with the children....to teach the children.......to love the children......to create a happy and safe environment so they can learn. Ugh.
That's the number one reason I'm taking on the career that I am. To do all of those wonderful things so that children can learn, feel safe, be happy, etc. If I was doing it for the money that would be a joke. There is no money in it, ha ha. If I was doing it for myself that would also be a joke because working with children in early childhood (or any age) is hard work and tires you out very fast.
In the end, it's all about the children.
*gets off of soapbox*
Obviously I still have a little bit of anger surrounding that interview experience. Ha.....sorry.
It's all over now so I just need to move forward!
Jeff and I have been so busy this semester I feel like we haven't really had a chance to sit down and enjoy the holiday season yet.
We set up our tree last night and it's beautiful! I love Christmas trees. I put on an ornament that my grandma gave me a couple years ago and it made me cry. I love my grandma.
I got home today from work and there was a present under the tree for me from Jeff already.
I love him.
He really is the biggest trooper ever. Lately I've been having a lot of anxiety over what is going to happen in the future with next semester, graduating, finding a job, etc. and he's dealt with it all and never complained. He deserves a gold medal for putting up with me.
Now I just need to get done with my three finals and then I feel like I can settle down and just enjoy the Christmas season.
I'm so grateful for Christ's birth and for the life He lived. I think the crazier my life gets the more I realize how amazing His sacrifice for us was. The busier I am the more I find myself needing that extra help that comes from the Atonement. We sang Silent Night yesterday in church and it made me cry thinking about the miracle of His birth. I'm grateful to know that He lives and that His church is true.
<3 p="p">
My mom and Jeff make fun of me for this all the time. I have zero patience when it comes to life decisions. If I don't feel calm or content about something in the future then I have to talk about it till it's fixed and I feel good.
It's a problem.
The fact that I am this way is a problem...........not the making fun of me part. Ha ha :)
Anyways.......
Remember my last post about my internship??
Ha ha ha, well that's all figured out now! (I couldn't let it sit) I'm actually doing it at a daycare/preschool/kindergarten. After not hearing from the Early Intervention people for almost two weeks I had to give up and go with a preschool.
In a lot of ways it's not really giving up though. This place is supposed to be super good quality which makes me excited. My professor recommended it so I'm hoping it'll be awesome. The reason why it's not giving up is because I feel like I need this experience to get over my crazy biased stigma against daycares.
Oh my goodness, I hate daycares. That's another problem I have. (ha ha)
Yes, I'm on my soapbox, don't judge me.
I also had a really bad experience with a daycare about a month ago. I don't think I blogged about it?
I applied to work at this daycare..........because I was sick of my job (which is a whole other story :) ) and I wanted to work with littler kids. They called me in for a "working interview" which meant they wanted me to come in and teach a half hour lesson to four year olds.
I prepared this adorable lesson with Pete the Cat (and his four grooooooooovy buttons) and it was going to be the best thing ever. I actually worked pretty hard on it which is another reason that made me so upset about it later when it ended up being completely ridiculous.
Sigh.
So I went in for the "working interview" and the director of the place didn't talk to me. This random worker was like: "Oh....uh....I think you're supposed to be in this room..." I went into the room and it was utter chaos. Fifteen 2-4 year olds going crazy! There were two workers in there texting on their phones and showing each other funny youtube videos. I was kind of shell shocked.
So then the two workers said hi to me and asked me to help with the snowflake making at a table in the corner during "center time". Neither of them knew how to make snowflakes........but for some reason they made it one of their lessons for the day.
Brilliance!
They proceeded to scream at the children to "sit their butts down and listen". (I would have hated to see the look on my face cause I bet I looked completely terrified) So once the children set their butts down we divided up into groups and I took some kids and made snowflakes.
While I was making snowflakes one of the two workers came over and looked at what we were doing. Apparently her son was sitting at the table with me. He was just cutting out a snowflake and his mom (the worker) looked at him and screamed (not exaggerating) something about sitting his butt down (common theme). Then she weirdly looked over at me and said: "Sorry, he's mine, he drives me crazy." I was kind of taken back/confused so I said: "He's your son?" and she said: "Yeah, and he's autistic so that's why he's like that."
I just froze and had to contain my anger. There was NO way she just called that kid "autistic". There was nothing even remotely autistic about him. He was fully verbal, he didn't show any of the little autistic tendencies that autistic children have, he was completely normal. I was about to lose it when she said that. I wanted to tell her how I knew all about autism because I worked for a year with severely autisitic children and her son wasn't even in the same ball park as any of them. He didn't even have aspergers (lower form of autism) as far as I could tell. I have a kid at my work right now who has aspergers and no offense.........but you can tell when a child has a disability like that.
Oh my goodness.....craziness.
Weeeeeeeeell.......an hour later (I was only supposed to be there for a half hour) this lady comes in and asks me if I'm the one that needed the laptop (I had called the day before because I needed a computer to play the Pete the Cat song. The lady on the phone had told me to bring my own which I did.) I informed her that I had one, but I was pretty sure they weren't going to give me a chance to do my lesson. She looked super awkward and was like....."oh....uh....ok" and then left.
Another fifteen minutes went by and then the two workers were like: "Uh....so you can probably leave now. The director will call you tomorrow to let you know if you got it or not."
...............................................................................................
She'll what?
She'll let me know if I got it?? How on earth would she know? She never saw me "working".
Yep. I hate daycares.
So I'm thinking this internship will be a good experience for me to get past how much I hate them. The directors of this place that I'm doing my internship graduated from Weber in Early Childhood recently and they sound awesome! I'm hoping since they went through the same program as me that they will employee the same ethics and practices that I believe in. *crossing my fingers*
Having my phone out/not paying attention to children, screaming at children, and not engaging with children are all reasons why I don't like daycares. So I'm hoping none of that will go on during my internship.
I can't stand it when caregivers don't pay attention to children in jobs like that. It drives me utterly mad. It's your JOB to play with the children....to teach the children.......to love the children......to create a happy and safe environment so they can learn. Ugh.
That's the number one reason I'm taking on the career that I am. To do all of those wonderful things so that children can learn, feel safe, be happy, etc. If I was doing it for the money that would be a joke. There is no money in it, ha ha. If I was doing it for myself that would also be a joke because working with children in early childhood (or any age) is hard work and tires you out very fast.
In the end, it's all about the children.
*gets off of soapbox*
Obviously I still have a little bit of anger surrounding that interview experience. Ha.....sorry.
It's all over now so I just need to move forward!
Jeff and I have been so busy this semester I feel like we haven't really had a chance to sit down and enjoy the holiday season yet.
We set up our tree last night and it's beautiful! I love Christmas trees. I put on an ornament that my grandma gave me a couple years ago and it made me cry. I love my grandma.
I got home today from work and there was a present under the tree for me from Jeff already.
I love him.
He really is the biggest trooper ever. Lately I've been having a lot of anxiety over what is going to happen in the future with next semester, graduating, finding a job, etc. and he's dealt with it all and never complained. He deserves a gold medal for putting up with me.
Now I just need to get done with my three finals and then I feel like I can settle down and just enjoy the Christmas season.
I'm so grateful for Christ's birth and for the life He lived. I think the crazier my life gets the more I realize how amazing His sacrifice for us was. The busier I am the more I find myself needing that extra help that comes from the Atonement. We sang Silent Night yesterday in church and it made me cry thinking about the miracle of His birth. I'm grateful to know that He lives and that His church is true.
<3 p="p">
Saturday, December 1, 2012
My Brain on Wednesday/Saturday
From Wednesday Night:
Sometimes you just don't feel like working on your research paper that's due next Monday. Tonight is one of those times. I seem to blog a lot when I don't want to do homework. Hmmm...oh well. :)
My research paper is on Asian Indian families (...........like people from India. If I said Indians everyone would think Native Americans :) ). It shouldn't be too hard once I actually do it. It's only eight pages and I've done all the research already. I just need to write it. Justification, right? Mmmmm hmmm.
I've always loved India for some reason. When I was younger people would ask me if I could go anywhere in the world where would it be and I would say India. Everyone else would say all the normal places like..........Italy or Ireland or China....but not me. It was always India. For some reason the third world thing fascinates me. I got a taste of that when I went to Indonesia, I suppose.
Today at work at the end of the day I was playing with a fourth grade girl and her kindergarten brother while we were waiting for their mom to pick them up. They wanted to play tag (what they really wanted was for me to chase them). As I was chasing them (aka running behind them close enough to scare them, but not actually getting them....I've become a pro at this) the fourth grade girl kind of stopped and said to me: "Amber, you're really good with children!" and then kept running.
It made me laugh so hard! Ha ha ha ha ha. It boosted my self esteem that a CHILD would say that to me, but it was just hilarious how she said it. She's one of those children that really wants to sound mature all the time, but still loves being a kid and playing. I've noticed that a lot with the kids around that age. They are kind of stuck between wanting to be little and wanting to look cool and older.
I love the kids at my job. They have taught me a completely different culture than I'm used to and I love it. Most of our kids are Latino which in all honestly I wasn't really used to before I started this job. Before I worked this job I really hadn't had a lot of close contact with many Latinos. They have such a fun culture though. They are a lot more affectionate than any other kids I've ever worked with which is funny sometimes. I'm constantly having children hug me or holding my hand.
It's kind of fun experiencing different cultures. It's definitely opened my eyes to what other people are like and how they handle life.
From Today:
Sorry, I never finished the post from Wednesday so I thought I would tack it on to what I'm saying today!
I'm in a dilemma. Okay, it's not a dilemma to anybody but me, but still it's a big deal to me! The reason it's a big deal is because the universe is out of order and when that happens my brain doesn't stop till it fixes.
Along with my student teaching I have to do "work experience". It's 135 hours of a practicum/internship. Basically I get to test taste a career.
Well, for the LONGEST time (probably two years) I've been wanting to work for the Baby Watch program/early intervention.
I had this brilliant plan that they would hire me and I could work there for the next year while Jeff finishes his bachelor's (he'll be getting it next December). Only, the other day my supervising professor told me that it's supposed to be an UNpaid internship.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
So now I don't know what to do. Due to logistics and other types of long explanations that I don't want to go into it's not really possible for me to get paid at the early intervention "job".
(unless they have a job opening.......which believe me, I've checked everyday for the past three months and there never is anything. Plus I've talked to the coordinators at Davis and Weber County and they both said no dice as far as openings come)
It's through the school districts and they don't do internships in the first place so if they did it would definitely have to be unpaid and it's only going to work out if they really like me....blah blah blah.
OR I COULD go to a good preschool and get a job (yes, paid job) there and count that as my "work experience". I could. But do I want to?
I mean, ultimately after my children are grown up and in school I want to do preschool out of my home............but that's what my student teaching is preparing me for. I really wanted to do the early intervention job because I wanted to, like I said, taste test if it would be something I'd want to do as a career.
Ok, so in the end this doesn't seem like a big deal to anybody, but me. And maybe I'm ridiculous, but I just hate not knowing how things are going to turn out.
If I got an internship with early intervention then it would be just that. An internship. Short term. So in a lot of ways a preschool job would be BETTER cause then I could keep it, like I said, for the year I need till Jeff graduates...........or beyond that.
The closer I get to graduation the more I realize how I want to work for awhile. Two years ago when Jeff and I got married I was BEYOND baby hungry and was planning out to have a baby like the month after I graduated, ha ha ha. But now that I'm so close I realize that I really actually want to do something with it? It meaning my degree? I don't know if that makes sense. In the end, I've gone to a university for 4 1/2 years, I want to do something with it. I'm not saying I want to give up motherhood for ten years, cause that's not even close to what's on my mind.
But A year....maybe.
I think about all of the things that I'm going to do as a stay-at-home mom and it makes me really excited.......but also a little nervous.
I think it's interesting being part of the generation where women are becoming incredibly independent and want careers more than ever before. I haven't really caught the career fever, because I will be staying home and raising my kids, but I still think I'll feel some guilt in not working. Whenever I ask Jeff if it's okay that I'm not going to work he always gets mad (okay, not truly mad) and says that all he's ever wanted was to be the provider and let his wife stay home.
Is it normal to still feel guilty though?
He did tell me that other night though that he thinks my job (being a stay-at-home mom) will be much harder than any job he'll ever do. That made me look at it in a different way which was good.
One thing that I always tell myself will be different once I'm a stay-at-home mom is I'll be able to cook more and be better at it. (Any stay-at-home mom that's reading this is shaking her head no like that's not true) I really want to try though. I know it's not realistic, but you have to realize............I go to school full-time and work........then when I'm not doing those things I'm writing papers or studying for tests. I have NO time. When I'm staying home.........even with a crying baby and all of the responsibilities I'll have...I find it hard to believe that I won't have at least a little bit more time than I do now.
Another thing I want to do is play my harp. Ugh.........I want to play so bad. It makes me sad a lot to look at it and not have time to play. That's one thing I really hope I'll have time for. Even after I graduate and am working, I hope that the lack of school will give me time for that.
Anyways, enough of those hopes and dreams. I think I'm just a worrier and think too much. My great-grandma was a worrier. My grandma was too. My mom is......and my sister and I are now.
It's genetic.
Or learned.
Nature Vs. Nurture.... don't even get me started on that.
Well, that research paper I wrote about on Wednesday? I'm about 66% done. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the other 34% is about to commence as soon as I hit publish on this post.........
Sometimes you just don't feel like working on your research paper that's due next Monday. Tonight is one of those times. I seem to blog a lot when I don't want to do homework. Hmmm...oh well. :)
My research paper is on Asian Indian families (...........like people from India. If I said Indians everyone would think Native Americans :) ). It shouldn't be too hard once I actually do it. It's only eight pages and I've done all the research already. I just need to write it. Justification, right? Mmmmm hmmm.
I've always loved India for some reason. When I was younger people would ask me if I could go anywhere in the world where would it be and I would say India. Everyone else would say all the normal places like..........Italy or Ireland or China....but not me. It was always India. For some reason the third world thing fascinates me. I got a taste of that when I went to Indonesia, I suppose.
Today at work at the end of the day I was playing with a fourth grade girl and her kindergarten brother while we were waiting for their mom to pick them up. They wanted to play tag (what they really wanted was for me to chase them). As I was chasing them (aka running behind them close enough to scare them, but not actually getting them....I've become a pro at this) the fourth grade girl kind of stopped and said to me: "Amber, you're really good with children!" and then kept running.
It made me laugh so hard! Ha ha ha ha ha. It boosted my self esteem that a CHILD would say that to me, but it was just hilarious how she said it. She's one of those children that really wants to sound mature all the time, but still loves being a kid and playing. I've noticed that a lot with the kids around that age. They are kind of stuck between wanting to be little and wanting to look cool and older.
I love the kids at my job. They have taught me a completely different culture than I'm used to and I love it. Most of our kids are Latino which in all honestly I wasn't really used to before I started this job. Before I worked this job I really hadn't had a lot of close contact with many Latinos. They have such a fun culture though. They are a lot more affectionate than any other kids I've ever worked with which is funny sometimes. I'm constantly having children hug me or holding my hand.
It's kind of fun experiencing different cultures. It's definitely opened my eyes to what other people are like and how they handle life.
From Today:
Sorry, I never finished the post from Wednesday so I thought I would tack it on to what I'm saying today!
I'm in a dilemma. Okay, it's not a dilemma to anybody but me, but still it's a big deal to me! The reason it's a big deal is because the universe is out of order and when that happens my brain doesn't stop till it fixes.
Along with my student teaching I have to do "work experience". It's 135 hours of a practicum/internship. Basically I get to test taste a career.
Well, for the LONGEST time (probably two years) I've been wanting to work for the Baby Watch program/early intervention.
I had this brilliant plan that they would hire me and I could work there for the next year while Jeff finishes his bachelor's (he'll be getting it next December). Only, the other day my supervising professor told me that it's supposed to be an UNpaid internship.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
So now I don't know what to do. Due to logistics and other types of long explanations that I don't want to go into it's not really possible for me to get paid at the early intervention "job".
(unless they have a job opening.......which believe me, I've checked everyday for the past three months and there never is anything. Plus I've talked to the coordinators at Davis and Weber County and they both said no dice as far as openings come)
It's through the school districts and they don't do internships in the first place so if they did it would definitely have to be unpaid and it's only going to work out if they really like me....blah blah blah.
OR I COULD go to a good preschool and get a job (yes, paid job) there and count that as my "work experience". I could. But do I want to?
I mean, ultimately after my children are grown up and in school I want to do preschool out of my home............but that's what my student teaching is preparing me for. I really wanted to do the early intervention job because I wanted to, like I said, taste test if it would be something I'd want to do as a career.
Ok, so in the end this doesn't seem like a big deal to anybody, but me. And maybe I'm ridiculous, but I just hate not knowing how things are going to turn out.
If I got an internship with early intervention then it would be just that. An internship. Short term. So in a lot of ways a preschool job would be BETTER cause then I could keep it, like I said, for the year I need till Jeff graduates...........or beyond that.
The closer I get to graduation the more I realize how I want to work for awhile. Two years ago when Jeff and I got married I was BEYOND baby hungry and was planning out to have a baby like the month after I graduated, ha ha ha. But now that I'm so close I realize that I really actually want to do something with it? It meaning my degree? I don't know if that makes sense. In the end, I've gone to a university for 4 1/2 years, I want to do something with it. I'm not saying I want to give up motherhood for ten years, cause that's not even close to what's on my mind.
But A year....maybe.
I think about all of the things that I'm going to do as a stay-at-home mom and it makes me really excited.......but also a little nervous.
I think it's interesting being part of the generation where women are becoming incredibly independent and want careers more than ever before. I haven't really caught the career fever, because I will be staying home and raising my kids, but I still think I'll feel some guilt in not working. Whenever I ask Jeff if it's okay that I'm not going to work he always gets mad (okay, not truly mad) and says that all he's ever wanted was to be the provider and let his wife stay home.
Is it normal to still feel guilty though?
He did tell me that other night though that he thinks my job (being a stay-at-home mom) will be much harder than any job he'll ever do. That made me look at it in a different way which was good.
One thing that I always tell myself will be different once I'm a stay-at-home mom is I'll be able to cook more and be better at it. (Any stay-at-home mom that's reading this is shaking her head no like that's not true) I really want to try though. I know it's not realistic, but you have to realize............I go to school full-time and work........then when I'm not doing those things I'm writing papers or studying for tests. I have NO time. When I'm staying home.........even with a crying baby and all of the responsibilities I'll have...I find it hard to believe that I won't have at least a little bit more time than I do now.
Another thing I want to do is play my harp. Ugh.........I want to play so bad. It makes me sad a lot to look at it and not have time to play. That's one thing I really hope I'll have time for. Even after I graduate and am working, I hope that the lack of school will give me time for that.
Anyways, enough of those hopes and dreams. I think I'm just a worrier and think too much. My great-grandma was a worrier. My grandma was too. My mom is......and my sister and I are now.
It's genetic.
Or learned.
Nature Vs. Nurture.... don't even get me started on that.
Well, that research paper I wrote about on Wednesday? I'm about 66% done. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the other 34% is about to commence as soon as I hit publish on this post.........
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Sweet Thank You's
Blogging two days in a row??? Whoa. It's like I'm a real blogger or something. :)
I've been thinking a lot about varying socioeconomic status lately. I talk about it all the time in my classes and I'm faced with at my work everyday.
Working with inner city kids is tough. They push me to my limits all the time. I look at some of our students and tell myself that my children will never act that way/will never disrespect adults how they do sometimes/will never do this and that. But I can't really know that for sure. I can't control what my children will do.
Parents get blamed for out of control kids a lot, which........yes, if you're doing drugs and abusing your children then you can be to blame, but many times it's not the parents fault. One thing that's been on my mind a lot lately is the cycle of poverty inner city families face and how it's hard to get out of it. I've been thinking about how poverty affects children and although they might have good parents....the situation they are in makes them act out.
It seriously breaks my heart looking at some situations some of my students are in. There is one little boy who just barely moved here from Mexico. He is the sharpest, cutest, and happiest kid. Oh my goodness, he's so great! I love talking to him.......but he only knows Spanish. .......and I guess I DO know Spanish.
Kind of.
I talk to him and get the gist of what he's saying usually.
The reason this situation breaks my heart is because now that he's here he's an ESL student and has a big disadvantage. He's at least two or three grade levels ABOVE the other kids his age. At least. But now that he's an ESL student he might as well be that many levels behind. I have no idea what kind of school he was going to in Mexico, but it was top notch! He's really good at math and reading.....he just checks out perfectly in so many academic ways.
This kid is a testament that stereotypes about immigrants should be thrown away and burned, because he really is so smart and well-rounded. He's always wanting to help, even though he doesn't speak English and doesn't know how to articulate what he wants.
I'm sure his family had a good reason for coming here, but it still makes me so sad that they are at such a big disadvantage with the language and everything else that comes from immigrating here.
It makes me wish I could clone myself a hundred times and do something more than I already am doing.
We went on a field trip today to the Punkinaze which actually turned out to be a blast! Although... I had so much anxiety over it before we went.
Forty kids........four teachers.......a CORN MAZE........
I don't know about anybody else, but my ONLY experiences with corn mazes have been going with my friends and getting lost for 2-3 hours. Like legitimately getting lost. Ha ha.
So yeah.....anxiety.
It turned out super fun though. {Minus the kids not listening on the bus and a little girl puking on the ride home.}
They have two huge slides (seriously huge) that are outside of the maze. Half of our kids spent the whole time just playing on those. And nobody got lost in the maze! (probably cause it was daytime and it was an easy maze, ha ha)
Going and doing things like that make me really realize how INCREDIBLY blessed I am. So. Incredibly. Blessed.
On the way there in the bus we passed Walmart and ten or so of our kids got SO excited! And I'm not talking about normal kid "Hey, look it's Walmart!" kind of excited. This was a different level.
"I love Walmart! I go there all the time!" .... "It's such a cool place!" ..... "Yeah, Walmart is the best!"
It sounds kind of funny, but it seriously opens your eyes to the lives that these kids have.
I know there is no way any of my students do the things that I did when I was little. I was always in dance lessons. I played the harp. I went on two week long vacations with my family every summer with smaller vacations in between. I took voice lessons. I was in musicals. I took art lessons. I did tumbling and t-ball. I did soccer till I decided I didn't like playing it.........my students don't even get to decide if they like things like that because they don't get those opportunities in their lives.
They get to go to Walmart....and that's a cool thing.
So when we got to the Punkinaze it didn't surprise me at all that they were all ECSTATIC. They were screaming and smiling bigger than ever. They had SO much fun and kept telling me that they were.
There is one boy in particular who probably is my favorite (but I would never tell any of them that) who came up to me and thanked me for taking him there. He was genuinely so happy that he got to go.
Yes, in the majority culture we teach our children to mind their manners and say thank you when it's appropriate. But how often does a child actually truly feel that much gratitude and express it so sweetly (without being told) when someone has done a nice thing for them?
It brings me joy to see kids, who struggle through so many things, be so happy. Most of our kids struggle in school. Others struggle making friends or keeping friends. Some have hard family lives. It's nice to sit back and know that at least for that forty-five minutes they were able to be completely free and have fun.
I don't really think there is a reasonable answer to breaking the cycle of poverty, but it is comforting to know sometimes that even though you're not doing a lot, at least you made somebody happy for the day.
I've been thinking a lot about varying socioeconomic status lately. I talk about it all the time in my classes and I'm faced with at my work everyday.
Working with inner city kids is tough. They push me to my limits all the time. I look at some of our students and tell myself that my children will never act that way/will never disrespect adults how they do sometimes/will never do this and that. But I can't really know that for sure. I can't control what my children will do.
Parents get blamed for out of control kids a lot, which........yes, if you're doing drugs and abusing your children then you can be to blame, but many times it's not the parents fault. One thing that's been on my mind a lot lately is the cycle of poverty inner city families face and how it's hard to get out of it. I've been thinking about how poverty affects children and although they might have good parents....the situation they are in makes them act out.
It seriously breaks my heart looking at some situations some of my students are in. There is one little boy who just barely moved here from Mexico. He is the sharpest, cutest, and happiest kid. Oh my goodness, he's so great! I love talking to him.......but he only knows Spanish. .......and I guess I DO know Spanish.
Kind of.
I talk to him and get the gist of what he's saying usually.
The reason this situation breaks my heart is because now that he's here he's an ESL student and has a big disadvantage. He's at least two or three grade levels ABOVE the other kids his age. At least. But now that he's an ESL student he might as well be that many levels behind. I have no idea what kind of school he was going to in Mexico, but it was top notch! He's really good at math and reading.....he just checks out perfectly in so many academic ways.
This kid is a testament that stereotypes about immigrants should be thrown away and burned, because he really is so smart and well-rounded. He's always wanting to help, even though he doesn't speak English and doesn't know how to articulate what he wants.
I'm sure his family had a good reason for coming here, but it still makes me so sad that they are at such a big disadvantage with the language and everything else that comes from immigrating here.
It makes me wish I could clone myself a hundred times and do something more than I already am doing.
We went on a field trip today to the Punkinaze which actually turned out to be a blast! Although... I had so much anxiety over it before we went.
Forty kids........four teachers.......a CORN MAZE........
I don't know about anybody else, but my ONLY experiences with corn mazes have been going with my friends and getting lost for 2-3 hours. Like legitimately getting lost. Ha ha.
So yeah.....anxiety.
It turned out super fun though. {Minus the kids not listening on the bus and a little girl puking on the ride home.}
They have two huge slides (seriously huge) that are outside of the maze. Half of our kids spent the whole time just playing on those. And nobody got lost in the maze! (probably cause it was daytime and it was an easy maze, ha ha)
Going and doing things like that make me really realize how INCREDIBLY blessed I am. So. Incredibly. Blessed.
On the way there in the bus we passed Walmart and ten or so of our kids got SO excited! And I'm not talking about normal kid "Hey, look it's Walmart!" kind of excited. This was a different level.
"I love Walmart! I go there all the time!" .... "It's such a cool place!" ..... "Yeah, Walmart is the best!"
It sounds kind of funny, but it seriously opens your eyes to the lives that these kids have.
I know there is no way any of my students do the things that I did when I was little. I was always in dance lessons. I played the harp. I went on two week long vacations with my family every summer with smaller vacations in between. I took voice lessons. I was in musicals. I took art lessons. I did tumbling and t-ball. I did soccer till I decided I didn't like playing it.........my students don't even get to decide if they like things like that because they don't get those opportunities in their lives.
They get to go to Walmart....and that's a cool thing.
So when we got to the Punkinaze it didn't surprise me at all that they were all ECSTATIC. They were screaming and smiling bigger than ever. They had SO much fun and kept telling me that they were.
There is one boy in particular who probably is my favorite (but I would never tell any of them that) who came up to me and thanked me for taking him there. He was genuinely so happy that he got to go.
Yes, in the majority culture we teach our children to mind their manners and say thank you when it's appropriate. But how often does a child actually truly feel that much gratitude and express it so sweetly (without being told) when someone has done a nice thing for them?
It brings me joy to see kids, who struggle through so many things, be so happy. Most of our kids struggle in school. Others struggle making friends or keeping friends. Some have hard family lives. It's nice to sit back and know that at least for that forty-five minutes they were able to be completely free and have fun.
I don't really think there is a reasonable answer to breaking the cycle of poverty, but it is comforting to know sometimes that even though you're not doing a lot, at least you made somebody happy for the day.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Research Paper? What's that?
Some days I just want to be a stay-at-home mom and play my harp, ha ha. Today is one of those days. Don't get me wrong, I love school and what not. I love my major and everything that I learn. Young children are the best! Most days I even look at how close I am to graduating and I kind of freak out thinking.... "I'm really that close? I need to learn as much as I can before I can't anymore!" ........then there are days like this where I look at the countdown app on my phone and it tells me I have 185 days till I graduate and I feel like that's twelve years away.
Today between one of my classes I was talking to one of my friends who is in a couple of classes with me.
We like complaining about how ridiculous our one professor is.
It's pretty great.
Anyways, she's a Family Studies major (yes, hardly anybody knows what that is, it's okay if you don't either, ha ha) and I was asking her what she wants to do with it. She was telling me she wants to do social work type things and I was like....oh cool. Then I proceeded to tell her about how quite a few girls that I know who are doing that major want to be stay-at-home moms and that I thought it was an awesome major if someone wanted to do that.
My friend kind of shut me down and said something to the affect of........"I don't know why anybody would want to go to school if they were just going to be a stay-at-home mom."
I was like: "...oh....uh....yeeeeah?" Ha ha ha.
That's the main reason I generally don't tell people that I'm "JUST" going to be a stay-at-home mom. They usually don't understand why I'm going to school and all that jaaaaaazz.
And really, I probably don't have a way awesome reply to why I am going to school other than I like to learn (and the ever popular/practical reason, that it's nice to have a backup plan just in case my husband and I need a second income). In particular I like to learn about the development of young children so that's what's pushing me to graduation!
I'm mostly writing this post because I'm in the middle of writing a research paper, ha ha ha. Well, I'm actually taking a break because I'm frustrated with the paper. It's only supposed to be five pages long and right now I'm sitting at seven pages. That's kinda backwards, right?
And NO I'm not claiming to be totally awesome at research papers. Cause I'm not.
I blame two things........
-The topic (because it's something I'm really passionate about).
-And the fact that over the summer my overachieving professor made me write a 17 page research paper on bulimia (which how much can you REALLY say about bulimia after you've gone over the basic: it's bad, it's sad, don't do it, self esteem is good type statements)........and so consequently I tend to get really long winded on research papers when I don't have to.
So yeah, I'm ignoring that paper for now.
The topic is on "play" as a way of learning in early childhood. I love play because it IS learning when used correctly. If you don't believe me ask me to read my seven....I mean five page paper. It's true. When I have a pre-school/kindergarten class someday it's gonna be all about play!
There isn't really anything else going on in my life right now. Mostly just waiting and dreaming about the future. My husband always has to bring me back to the now, because for some reason I live a lot in the future, ha ha.
I called the Weber-Morgan Early Intervention center today because I really just want to work with babies and young children again, ha ha. I'm technically not supposed to do my internship/work experience till May, but I'm not a very patient person. (Obviously)
For my work experience I want to get into an early intervention type job. Davis and Weber counties both have one and I've contacted them both now and it was pretty much like a "we'll get back to you" kind of thing. They are both through the school districts which means they don't really have any formal internship type programs set up. I basically just need to wait till an actual job opening opens up and try to get that.
So yep. Just gotta wait!
I think once I start my student teaching in January the void of not working with young children that I'm feeling will be filled again. Ha ha ha.
Till then I'm just making it through this semester! Just a little over a month left! It's gone by super fast, which is good.
Well, I guess I better go finish my paper.
Or maybe I'll go get a snack. Yeah, that sounds a lot more inviting. :)
Today between one of my classes I was talking to one of my friends who is in a couple of classes with me.
We like complaining about how ridiculous our one professor is.
It's pretty great.
Anyways, she's a Family Studies major (yes, hardly anybody knows what that is, it's okay if you don't either, ha ha) and I was asking her what she wants to do with it. She was telling me she wants to do social work type things and I was like....oh cool. Then I proceeded to tell her about how quite a few girls that I know who are doing that major want to be stay-at-home moms and that I thought it was an awesome major if someone wanted to do that.
My friend kind of shut me down and said something to the affect of........"I don't know why anybody would want to go to school if they were just going to be a stay-at-home mom."
I was like: "...oh....uh....yeeeeah?" Ha ha ha.
That's the main reason I generally don't tell people that I'm "JUST" going to be a stay-at-home mom. They usually don't understand why I'm going to school and all that jaaaaaazz.
And really, I probably don't have a way awesome reply to why I am going to school other than I like to learn (and the ever popular/practical reason, that it's nice to have a backup plan just in case my husband and I need a second income). In particular I like to learn about the development of young children so that's what's pushing me to graduation!
I'm mostly writing this post because I'm in the middle of writing a research paper, ha ha ha. Well, I'm actually taking a break because I'm frustrated with the paper. It's only supposed to be five pages long and right now I'm sitting at seven pages. That's kinda backwards, right?
And NO I'm not claiming to be totally awesome at research papers. Cause I'm not.
I blame two things........
-The topic (because it's something I'm really passionate about).
-And the fact that over the summer my overachieving professor made me write a 17 page research paper on bulimia (which how much can you REALLY say about bulimia after you've gone over the basic: it's bad, it's sad, don't do it, self esteem is good type statements)........and so consequently I tend to get really long winded on research papers when I don't have to.
So yeah, I'm ignoring that paper for now.
The topic is on "play" as a way of learning in early childhood. I love play because it IS learning when used correctly. If you don't believe me ask me to read my seven....I mean five page paper. It's true. When I have a pre-school/kindergarten class someday it's gonna be all about play!
There isn't really anything else going on in my life right now. Mostly just waiting and dreaming about the future. My husband always has to bring me back to the now, because for some reason I live a lot in the future, ha ha.
I called the Weber-Morgan Early Intervention center today because I really just want to work with babies and young children again, ha ha. I'm technically not supposed to do my internship/work experience till May, but I'm not a very patient person. (Obviously)
For my work experience I want to get into an early intervention type job. Davis and Weber counties both have one and I've contacted them both now and it was pretty much like a "we'll get back to you" kind of thing. They are both through the school districts which means they don't really have any formal internship type programs set up. I basically just need to wait till an actual job opening opens up and try to get that.
So yep. Just gotta wait!
I think once I start my student teaching in January the void of not working with young children that I'm feeling will be filled again. Ha ha ha.
Till then I'm just making it through this semester! Just a little over a month left! It's gone by super fast, which is good.
Well, I guess I better go finish my paper.
Or maybe I'll go get a snack. Yeah, that sounds a lot more inviting. :)
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Grandma
My one and only grandma I've ever known passed away last night. She was 75 years old. She had only been diagnosed with cancer just a month ago, but it came on too strong and took her from us faster than we ever thought it would.
As I was crying last night Jeff was holding me and said: "Ya know, I really don't know how people outside of the Gospel handle death...it would be so hard if you really thought that was the end."
It's so sad to us that there are so many people in the world that don't have the comfort of the Plan of Salvation. Without that knowledge I think I would be so bitter and resentful right now. But I'm not.
I love my Heavenly Father and while I cry because Grandma isn't with ME anymore, I'm happy because she's with her parents, her brother, and so many other people she loved for so long in her mortal life again. And most importantly she's back with God and our Savior. She's not in pain anymore, which she had been in a lot pain for the past couple months.
It'll be a strange adjusting period for my family because everything that's ever involved holidays has been surrounded around Grandma. It's like we are stepping into a new phase of life - my mom is now a grandma herself and likely will be getting more and more grandchildren in the near-ish future to make up our new extended family.
Since my grandma is the only one I've ever known she had a big impact on my life. So much of her personality got passed on to my mom, my sister, and I.
My grandma always was concerned about other people. She rarely (or really, never) thought about herself. She was constantly worrying about someone and how she could make things better for them. I remember several times in my life where she would voice her concern to me about my situation. I think it was the best way she knew how to love people was by serving them and caring about what was happening to them.
The most recent time she was concerned about me was about six months ago when she took me aside and told me I needed to graduate from college before having a baby. I kind of laughed and told her I was going to wait, but even though it was funny that that would be a concern of hers I thought about it later and how sweet it was that she would be thinking about my future and what was best for me.
I think I got my laugh from my grandma. My grandma always laughed loud and long. I loved making her laugh and I probably tried too hard most of the time to do so. I think I inherited my laugh from her, because whenever I truly laugh....which is generally only around people I'm comfortable with.....I kind of sound like her.
My grandma's name was Karen Margean, but she always went by Margean her whole life. My name is Amber Margean which I love. Growing up people always said my middle name wrong and sometimes they thought it sounded old, but I never cared. I love being named after my grandma. I love the concept of linking two people together like that. It's always made me have a very special place in my heart for her.
I want to pass on something special like that to my daughters when I have them. I feel like it connects you with your ancestors (living or not) and gives you a better appreciation for them.
Aside from being named after my grandma, I think my favorite part about her was how she called me her Sunshine. Like I said, I loved making my grandma laugh.........ever since I was little. I loved that she saw that happiness in me and really saw the best in me come out. Grandmas have a way of doing that, I think. She always made me feel so special and so loved. Being her "Sunshine" was a constant reminder to me that I needed to remember to shine and be happy. That's all my grandma really wanted was for me to be so so happy.
And really........I am so so happy. I have the best, most supportive husband. I have a wonderful family and someday will have an awesome family of my own. Maybe that's why my grandma had to leave, because she needed to warn my future children all about me, ha ha.
I love my grandma and I love God for placing me in her life.
This week is going to be hard, but I love that I can feel the comfort of my Savior and know that my grandma is happy. :)
As I was crying last night Jeff was holding me and said: "Ya know, I really don't know how people outside of the Gospel handle death...it would be so hard if you really thought that was the end."
It's so sad to us that there are so many people in the world that don't have the comfort of the Plan of Salvation. Without that knowledge I think I would be so bitter and resentful right now. But I'm not.
I love my Heavenly Father and while I cry because Grandma isn't with ME anymore, I'm happy because she's with her parents, her brother, and so many other people she loved for so long in her mortal life again. And most importantly she's back with God and our Savior. She's not in pain anymore, which she had been in a lot pain for the past couple months.
It'll be a strange adjusting period for my family because everything that's ever involved holidays has been surrounded around Grandma. It's like we are stepping into a new phase of life - my mom is now a grandma herself and likely will be getting more and more grandchildren in the near-ish future to make up our new extended family.
Since my grandma is the only one I've ever known she had a big impact on my life. So much of her personality got passed on to my mom, my sister, and I.
My grandma always was concerned about other people. She rarely (or really, never) thought about herself. She was constantly worrying about someone and how she could make things better for them. I remember several times in my life where she would voice her concern to me about my situation. I think it was the best way she knew how to love people was by serving them and caring about what was happening to them.
The most recent time she was concerned about me was about six months ago when she took me aside and told me I needed to graduate from college before having a baby. I kind of laughed and told her I was going to wait, but even though it was funny that that would be a concern of hers I thought about it later and how sweet it was that she would be thinking about my future and what was best for me.
I think I got my laugh from my grandma. My grandma always laughed loud and long. I loved making her laugh and I probably tried too hard most of the time to do so. I think I inherited my laugh from her, because whenever I truly laugh....which is generally only around people I'm comfortable with.....I kind of sound like her.
My grandma's name was Karen Margean, but she always went by Margean her whole life. My name is Amber Margean which I love. Growing up people always said my middle name wrong and sometimes they thought it sounded old, but I never cared. I love being named after my grandma. I love the concept of linking two people together like that. It's always made me have a very special place in my heart for her.
I want to pass on something special like that to my daughters when I have them. I feel like it connects you with your ancestors (living or not) and gives you a better appreciation for them.
Aside from being named after my grandma, I think my favorite part about her was how she called me her Sunshine. Like I said, I loved making my grandma laugh.........ever since I was little. I loved that she saw that happiness in me and really saw the best in me come out. Grandmas have a way of doing that, I think. She always made me feel so special and so loved. Being her "Sunshine" was a constant reminder to me that I needed to remember to shine and be happy. That's all my grandma really wanted was for me to be so so happy.
And really........I am so so happy. I have the best, most supportive husband. I have a wonderful family and someday will have an awesome family of my own. Maybe that's why my grandma had to leave, because she needed to warn my future children all about me, ha ha.
I love my grandma and I love God for placing me in her life.
This week is going to be hard, but I love that I can feel the comfort of my Savior and know that my grandma is happy. :)
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