Needy Talker

You guys.

Molars are a thing.

And I think my daughter is getting two of them.

And they are making my life tricky!

Haha...

(All the cool people wear jammies with their coats and Winnie the Pooh shoes!)

(Or that's what all the babies with lazy moms do.)

Oh goodness....

This baby is SO needy.

I must carry her at all times or it's a flailing meltdown.

It makes me sad, cause I don't know how to help.  She doesn't have a fever and she's not grabbing at her mouth like it hurts,  so I don't want to just constantly be giving her Tylenol.

I'm pretty sure the source of her neediness is teeth though.

Or she's just growing up and realizing she still needs her mommy.

Who knows.

I've been working a lot with her on calming down and asking for things without crying. It's pretty cute,  cause when she calms down and asks nicely on her own she gets so excited!  Hahaha, she'll smile so proudly and claps sometimes.

Regulating emotions is tough business.

Especially when you're a year and a half and every emotion is a big deal!

I'm glad I can work on these things with her, and she's understanding some of them at such a young age.  I think it's important to start young.  Obviously babies need a lot more freebies than a three year old would,  but self regulation is so important!

*steps off soap box*

Grace has probably 9-12 more words from the last time I wrote about her.

That puts her word count over 30! Is that normal for a baby her age?  I think I'll go look that up after I'm done writing this.

I can totally attribute her vocabulary to her inherit want to learn.  She LOVES learning anything and everything and it really is a natural thing for her.

Her new words are:

-Ah-WWoul! (Owl. Her W sound is so exaggerated,  haha)
-Bear
-Buh-he (Bunny)
-Glasses (I won't type out how she says that one,  cause it's probably a swear word,  haha)
-Schitier (Sticker)
-Gamma (Grandma)
-Ow-ide (Outside)
-Poop
-Seech  (Teeth)
-Eyes
-Up
-Kerel  (Cereal)

And I think her only new sign is - "thank you"

She knows where most of her body parts are (eyes,  ears, mouth, teeth, nose, hair, arm, leg, fingers, toes, bum) The most recent one I've taught her is "tongue" and she thinks it's hilarious.  She loves sticking her tongue out and repeating tongue back to me.

She repeats so much of what I say. Or she'll just say "Yeeeeah..." to almost everything, haha.

One thing I've noticed which I think is interesting is she never says "no". She'll shake her head no when she doesn't like something or doesn't want to do what I say, but she never verbally says no.

Something cute that she's been doing lately,  is she'll sit down with a book,  get Zach's attention by babbling a bunch of nonsense, and pat the floor next to her, asking him to come read with her.

Soooo cute!

If you couldn't tell,  I like analyzing everything my baby does.

Hahaha

I guess it's the human development major in me coming out.

Or it could be because my jobs leading up to being a mother,  especially my post bachelor's degree job, were to critically analyze behavior.

I've been wanting to read some of my textbooks I saved,  cause I think they would help me a lot with being a mom and caregiver for my nephew.

Buuuuut they are up in a box on a high shelf and even when I stand on a chair I can't finagle the box down.

#shortgirlprobs

Oh well,  maybe after Jeff graduates next week he can do that for me.

Oh yeah,  so.....

JEFF GRADUATES WITH HIS MASTERS DEGREE IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!!!!!

HOORAY!

Getting a masters degree is a huge deal.  So much hardwork goes into that.  I'm so proud of him.  He's the best person I know!



(Never a blog post goes by without Jeff praise :) )

What I'm Thankful for this Christmas

I've been thinking about the Atonement a lot lately.

How it can make us better.

How it can heal our hearts.

A big thing I've learned about the Atonement lately is....

It works!

But only if we have the faith for it to.

On Sunday in testimony meeting a lady in our ward bore her testimony about the Atonement and she said something that hit me like a ton of bricks!

It was such a simple sentence, but it was so powerful to me.

I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it.

"When you feel like something is unfair or not right, if you have faith, the Savior will make it right."

This Christmas I am very thankful for not only the Atonement in my life, but also the Resurrection of Christ. 

I've thought so much about the resurrection lately. 

The thought of being perfect like our Savior. 

To be whole. 

To be restored or complete.

To be how God really sees us and our potential. 

I may think a lot of things in life are unfair...

Especially when it comes to physical and medical things.

Even though it's not all right at this very moment...

It will be.

When I'm resurrected I won't need medicine to function. 

I won't have to worry about all the little things I do to keep myself okay everyday. 

I will be whole again! 

I will be healed. 

Because of Him I'll be able to be with my family forever, exactly like I was always supposed to be. 

Healthy and free from all the earthly things that tear me down. 

So more than ever this Christmas I am thankful that He was born.

I know He was born for me, so He could die for me. 

And what greater gift could I ever get, this Christmas or any Christmas. 

3 Months

I'm an hour away from my once every 3 month appointment with my endocrinologist.

I'm a nervous wreck!

Geez!

You'd think diabetes ran my freakin life or something?

Oh wait.

I'm stuffing my face with granola bars, cause I don't want to be low when I get there,  but now I'm freaking out that I'll be high. (Blood sugar high.....not like....other....yeah nevermind)

Oh Type 1 Diabetes.

The nerves.

Every three months I get my A1C tested,  which without getting too wordy, it's pretty much an average of what my blood sugar numbers have been over the past three months.

If it's a good percentage I get high fives and congratulations and happiness.

If it's not so great I get to feel bad about myself that even though type 1 is completely unpredictable and my pancreas is a little freak I didn't try hard enough.

Sometimes I just want to scream at people "it's not my fault!!!".

Cause it's not.

It's really not. No lies there.

Whenever I get judged for eating certain things,  cause I actually can, but nobody understands that I can.

Or when I try to explain my situation and people give me a confused,  obligatory nod and smile.

Or when I have to apologize that I need to go clear out their kitchen otherwise I might pass out and die.
It's not my fault.

I didn't do this to myself.

I lived like all the other people in the world and my internal organ crashed and burned by itself.

Auto immune diseases aren't fun.

So as I sit here in the silence of my napping baby house I have a huge pit in my stomach, that probably wasn't caused by the horrible amount of granola bars (I exaggerate) I just ate.

To have your life decided for you ever three months....

What medicine you'll be taking.

What the future of your family can be like.

What daily little things need to happen to live healthier.

It just all seems like it's out of my hands.

Here team of doctors...here's my blood...test it and see what it tells you. Just know, I tried!  I did what you said,  now tell me what to do this time around.

I love

Toddler: a small human who simaelteously is independent, needy, sweet, and mischievous.

 I love this girl.

I love how she knows what I'm saying to her.

I love how she signs more or says "Gain!" (Again) when I tickle her.

I love that she needs me.

I love that she is excited to learn new things and shows me every new thing she discovers.

I love how she says "yeah" or shakes her head no when I ask her questions. (And she actually means for that to be her answer!)

I love how she runs away giggling when I tell her it's time to change clothes or her diaper.

I love how she walks around with her hands behind her back and smiles so big.

I love that she wants to be my best friend.

I love that she asks to call her daddy several times a day.  (Yesterday she grabbed my phone and figured out how to do it by herself.  When it started ringing she put the phone up to her ear,  smiled really big,  and ran away so I couldn't stop her.)

Being a mom is tricky business sometimes. You never know if you're doing enough or too much or if you should be doing things differently.

I wouldn't trade it for anything else though.

I love my little baby!

Giving All the Thanks

Some days we forget to look around us.

Some days we can't see the joy that surrounds us.

So caught up inside ourselves, we take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for...what we know can be. And on this day we hope for, what we still can't see.

It's up to us to be the change, and even though we all can still do more.....

There's so much to be thankful for.

Josh Groban.

How I love you.

Josh's music has been there for me during the hardest times in my life.

My parents divorce, more than half a dozen break ups, infertility, being diagnosed as Type 1....

Josh Groban has always been there! Ha ha. I know, cheesy....whatever.

I love his music. It's so comforting. So inspiring! His voice is magic!!

I love his song Thankful.

I really do have the longest list of things I am thankful for. And I realized I haven't posted about them yet this month. It's more than halfway through November already!

Obviously I won't be able to cover the depth and breadth of my thankfulness, so here is my abridged version...

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I can honestly say that after my family, being a stay-at-home mom is at the top of my list of what I'm thankful for.

There are hard days.

There are stir crazy days.

There are days when I just want to talk to ANYONE above the age of 2.

But mostly there are days full of smiles and learning and hugs and little people being as innocent and carefree as they come.

I am so thankful I can provide that for my daughter and any future children that come our way.

A safe place to learn and grow.

I am thankful that Jeff works his tail off (literally, he has no tail anymore) so I can stay home.

He's the best.

I am thankful for my harp!

I have been playing a lot lately (okay, fine, a lot for ME, I guess) and it brings me a lot of happiness.

The harp is so beautiful.

Sometimes I have to step back and realize that that sound is coming from MY fingers. That I am making that music. That God has given me the talent to play.

I am thankful for a warm, safe house. I love where we live. It may be on the small side, but it's what our family needs right now. And in a lot of ways the small amount of square footage is nice when I'm trying to keep track of one, sometimes two, toddlers. I always know they can't be very far away. And I generally know if they are in a certain room and being quiet that there are only so many options of ways they can be getting into mischief.

I am thankful that I feel comfortable in my neighborhood. That I can go outside with the kids and I don't need to be on top of them to feel safe. I am thankful that I have neighbors I can go to if I need help with something.

I am thankful for all of my family and friends. I'm the worst at asking for help. It's true. I never ask for help. I guess I'm just a private person when it comes to my daily struggles.

But despite my unwillingness to receive help I still have family and friends that give me what I need. I have some of the best friends, that message me or write to me words of encouragement, when really that's the best thing anyone could do for me. I know I have a lot of people who love me and that's the best feeling.

I am thankful that I can live everyday trying to be better than the day before, and it's all because of my Savior that I can do that. I know that He lives and knows how I feel. I am thankful for His love and Atonement.

I am thankful for Jeff and Grace. We've heard that sermon a few dozen times before though.

Is it possible to love somebody too much?

Probably not. But I might be close with those two.

Two Rings

When we got married and I got my wedding band Jeff told me something I'll never forget. 

He told me that my rings symbolize our two lives together. One for this life here on earth, and another for the life after this, meaning eternal life. 

It meant a lot to me when he said it then (almost 5 years ago!), but it means so much more to me now!

Not many people my age can say they almost died this year. 

I can.

Doctors told me I very well could have not woken up one morning and Jeff would have had no idea why. 

I was told by several medical professionals that I was lucky to be alive, and the three days I spent in the hospital were pretty much meant to zap me back to what living really should be. 

Do you know what the reality of that feels like?

I think most all people would get sad at the thought of leaving their loved ones if something happened to them, but not many people experience coming that close to it, especially at my stage in life.

I've often wondered why I got type one diabetes at the time it did. 

Most people with type 1 diabetes get diagnosed when they are very young. 

I often think about what it would have been like to grow up this way. 

Should I consider myself lucky that this happened now so I can handle it better as an adult?

I do think that's a blessing in disguise, yes. 

Do I think this happened now to give me a huge lesson in patience?

Yes. Yes, I do. It's testing my patience in several ways. 

A huge way it's been helping (*sarcasm*) me be patient lately is by the way people react/talk to me about it. 

Since I have been diagnosed at a later age than most type one's, people get VERY confused. 

Person: "So you have to stop eating sugar?"

Me: "No."

Person: "Oh.....I uh..."

Me: "You're thinking of Type 2 Diabetes which happens to adults. I'm Type 1, like the one children get. It's an auto immune disease. So I have to take medicine to survive....not because I'm overweight or anything."

*cue people feeling uncomfortable that I just put words in their mouth that they think I'm fat*

That conversation has happened more than I've wanted it to....

People only know about Type 2 Diabetes. And it makes sense, that's the only kind people talk about.

"Americans are all overweight and if they eat any more cake they're going to get DIABETES!"

So then I say I'm diabetic or I have diabetes and what do people assume....

Yep.

It has severely tested my patience, because I've actually had several people look at me or make comments after I explain "Type 1 is an auto immune disease", "It's not type 2", "Type 1 and type 2 are totally different", and they'll look at me like I don't know what I'm talking about.

Like I'm in denial. 

Like I actually don't know what disease I have or the consequences of it. 

Type 1 diabetes is a life long sentence. 

It's me staying up till midnight, not because I want to, but because I have to, because I'm on my third round of eating food I don't want, trying to get my blood sugar up to a normal number so I can go to bed. 

The nights where I can check my blood, have a good number, and just lay down and sleep without eating are my favorite. Jeff always knows when I have a good number, because I'll cheer and say "YES!!! I can go to bed!!!"

Food is no longer my friend.

Eating is a chore. 

I feel like I eat to survive, never for pleasure. 

That's probably how cavemen felt.

Type 1 diabetes is a constant shadow of worrying if I have a headache cause I'm a normal person, or if I need to stab myself for the 23rd time of the day to test my blood. 

It's worrying that if I walk too far my blood sugar will drop. 

In lots of ways I'm glad I never had to go through that as a child or a teenager. 

Everything happens when it's suppose to. 

Sorry, I feel like I'm all over the place in this post. Ha ha...just letting out frustration, I guess. 

Let's reel it back in to why I started this post.

I'm grateful I can be with my family for eternity. 

Jeff takes care of me day and night. He never complains about being their for me when I'm feeling crummy from my diabetes. He's my number one provider when it comes to my diabetes, and anyone who is that person for someone - spouse, parent, friend - can attest to how hard that is. 

It's a lot of maintenance. It's a lot of diligence and patience to keep with it and stay healthy. I'll never take my health for granted now that I've been on the other side of things. And I hope I can have the patience in every aspect of my life to keep enduring well.

"Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf 

Words

Originally written October 24th and forgot to post!

So my last post I bragged about my husband very shamelessly, and now I have a lot of bragging to do about my daughter!

Surprise!

Not!

If you know me, you know I'm pretty complimentary person, but especially when it comes to Jeff and Grace.

This will be more of a journal type post where I just want to document the fun things she is learning right now. I probably won't post this one to other forms of social media. If you're reading this, it's probably cause you blog stalk me, and that's okay! 

I'm the biggest blog stalker, so I welcome people's curiosity. 

I love reading about other people's lives. Especially when they are open and honest, but also sincere and not crude. 

Anyways, on to my babe!

Her vocabulary is exploding! I feel like she says a new word everyday. 

Some days I'm like...are you supposed to be talking this much!? Slow down, crazy baby!

I love it though.

Here is an updated list to add to my other one 2 or 3 posts back about the words she can say:

Please (Peeeeese)

Cracker (Cracka. Seriously ALLLLL the time "Crac-KA! Cracka? CrackAAA!!!" She loves crackers)

Again (Gain)

Hi (Eye)

Baby (Bay-BEE)

Gone (G-aww)

Keys 

Fish (Sish)

Zach (Ach)

Quack (again I don't know if animal sounds count?)

Jesus

I think that puts her word count up to 21!

Totally cute story(ies) about saying "Jesus"....

So we have several pictures of Jesus around our house. The big main ones are on our living room wall. We have a big picture next to our ginormous Ogden Temple picture and then on the other side of the temple is another picture of Christ below the Family Proclamation. 

Grace LOVES looking at this wall.

The big picture of Christ and the temple one catch her attention the most. She'll ask for me to pick her up (we're working on "up", she doesn't say it, she just whines till I pick her up) and then smile and point at Jesus. I'll say "Jesus!", then she'll point to the temple and I'll say "temple!". We do that back and forth and back and forth about 5 or 6 times. She just smiles ear to the ear the whole time, ha ha. I think she likes learning new things. 

So as we've done that over the past couple weeks, one day she said "Jesus!" on her own. I think she said it after me, so it was more repeating what I said. 

We found a small framed photo of Christ in my and Jeff's room yesterday and she's been carrying it around with her. This morning it was on the kitchen table and we were looking at it while we ate breakfast. We had both been quiet for about 3 or 4 minutes, just eating our oatmeal, when all of a sudden Grace points at the picture and exclaims "JESUS!".

Clear as day! Ha ha. It really surprised me, cause we hadn't been talking for some time and she just said it by herself out of nowhere! She's the cutest. 

We sing songs about Jesus all the time too, so I hope she learns to love hearing about Him. 

Some words and phrases that she repeats when we say them are:

Moo

Whooo (owl sound)

Thank you

Love you

She's soooo cute when she says "love you" to Jeff when he leaves for work etc. 

Last night we were done with our bedtime routine and it was time to put her in her crib. I wrapped her in her blankie and she put her head on my shoulder like she does every night (she's the queen of routine). I was walking her to her room from the living room and Jeff said "Love you!" and Grace repeated. He kept saying it about 5 or 6 times as we walked down the hall and Grace would repeat it back to him every time, ha ha. Sooooo cute. 

Also her new signs she can do since I posted last are: 

Dog

Bird

Please

Baby

Yesterday we went to my mom's for a minute, and Grace now knows that Grandma has birds in her bedroom. So Grace asked to go see the birds and we went up there to see them. My mom has three parakeets! As we were up there looking at them Grace kept signing "bird" over and over and just smiled so big the whole time. 

She LOVES animals!!

Then my mom put her hand in the cage for a minute to see if they would sit on her hand, but they wouldn't, ha ha. After Grace saw her do that, she wanted to touch the birds too so she just kept signing "please" over and over and over. I think she signed it like twenty times before we finally went back downstairs. 

She's so nice and doesn't whine/throw a tantrum about it too. That makes it that much harder to say no, when she's being super cute, wants something so bad, and says please independently. 

One last story that I think was so sweet...

Zach comes before Grace wakes up in the morning, which means when she does wake up he'll go in the room with me and get her. A lot of times he'll reach into the crib and try to tickle her, ha ha. Grace is always so happy when he's here, plus she is always really smiley in the morning anyways, so it's fun to see her excitement. 

The other day he went in with me to get her and they did their normal giggles. I picked Grace up and gave her my usual hugs and kisses, then she looked down at Zach and said clear as a bell: "Eye Ach" (Hi Zach)

Oh my goodness, my heart melted. 

They are so sweet together. I'm glad they love each other like they do. 90% of the time they are all smiles and hugs and follow each other around laughing. The other 10% is probably similar to most siblings (even though they are cousins, ha ha) where they get on each others nerves and fight. It's mostly when they have a toy that the other one wants. 

Also, Grace is too smart for her own good, cause she'll on purpose go and find Zach's blanket and carry it around to taunt him. He gets mad, cause it's obviously his blankie. I've had to do quite a bit of intervening in that situation lately. She's such a little goober. 

I love watching her learn and understand things! She's the greatest. :)